


Unexpected Distances

by saucyminx



Series: Unexpected Verse [8]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-27
Updated: 2010-09-27
Packaged: 2017-10-28 09:42:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 58,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/306528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By now both Jared and Jensen should be well aware that not talking about an issue only leads to trouble. It might be a lesson they learn just a little too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Years spent working for this and Jensen could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. Senior year, nine short months and he’d be a college graduate with a healthy resume of art shows and credentials from some of the more reputable local artists who had fawned over both himself and his art to an almost unnerving level. His agent insisted he could do anything with his art, once he finished school and had more time to spend devoted to painting instead of classes. She’d even offer him a full show with his works as the front pieces.

It was going to be a great year and he was sure of it. Or he hoped at least. There were the downsides, like the fact that he was going to be busier than ever with a full load of classes and the fact that he had to quit his job at Jared’s insistence. Which, wasn’t so horrible and Jensen had to acknowledge the value of Jared’s arguments. After all, between Jared’s insane shifts and Jensen’s classes, it was going to be hard enough to find time together.

Already it was straining their relationship.

One week into his senior year and Jensen had seen Jared maybe a total of six hours actually being awake together. It didn’t help that Jared was in the middle of helping the Ft. Collins detectives track down a serial killer capturing students from the CSU campus. All it meant to Jensen was Jared being gone more often than not, coming home worn out and stressed, and both his mom and husband reminding him almost every time they spoke that he should come home immediately after classes. Sometimes it made Jensen feel like a little kid again, mostly though he just smiled fondly at the reminder and ensured them both he was being careful.

If Jensen could think of a better way to calm his husband down that would be more than helpful, as it was Jensen could only offer back rubs and relaxing in the bed until Jared seemed to find some peace. Or pass out. The passing out thing seemed to happen more often than not but that was okay. Jensen enjoyed watching Jared sleep just as much now as he did way back in the beginning of their relationship.

It shouldn’t have been like this for Jared though, Jensen knew it. Greeley wasn’t supposed to be such a dangerous place and usually it was alright but the local force was small and outside Jared and his mom there were only two other detectives. This meant the four were forced to carry all the bigger cases on their own and thus, put up with endless hours of work and dangerous situations around every corner.

So here Jensen was, once more putting away the leftover dinner because Jared’s shift was running late again. It was Friday night and Jensen was sending a silent prayer up to whoever was out there that they would get to spend the weekend together. Or part of the weekend. A solid chunk of time where neither was asleep would be marvelous. It didn’t matter if they were married and lived together, Jensen would always miss Jared when he wasn’t around.

Once the meal was put away - Jensen had made one of Jared’s favorite Swedish meatballs and noodles - he headed back out to the living room to get a head start on homework. He didn’t even realize he was falling asleep until he was passed out, slumped over his book and dreaming about Jared’s soft voice and warm laugh.

-=-=-=-

Jared was exhausted. He was worn down, his clothes were rubbing at him _everywhere_ and his feet hurt. It was well past two in the morning by the time he managed to get away from their most recent crime scene and he just wanted to collapse into his bed and sleep next to his husband.

 _If_ his husband remembered him.

Prying his boots off his feet Jared hopped a couple of times to keep his balance as he shrugged out of his suit jacket. He was _not_ going to work in the morning. He had told Donna that he was going to throw his phone out the window if anyone called him and was pretty sure she felt the same.

He squinted at the light at the end of the hallway and checked his watch again. There was no way Jensen should be up. Padding down the hallway Jared peered into the living room and smiled.

 _Jensen._ No matter what happened during the day - knowing the he had Jensen - that they had each other made everything worthwhile. Jared just wished they had more time together.

Moving quietly into the living room Jared kneeled down by the couch and leaned carefully on the edge to stare at Jensen. His boyfriend had changed in the years that they’d known each other. His husband was gorgeous, still with his long lashes and freckled cheeks but there was a maturity about his features now. Jared had never loved Jensen more.

Leaning down Jared brushed his lips to his husband’s and smiled against his mouth when he responded almost immediately. Even sleeping Jensen would kiss Jared; Jared loved that. “Time for bed Jensen.”

“Mmm.” Jensen shifted back and blinked his eyes open, half smiling at his husband there. Arms stretching out above his head then dropping onto Jared’s shoulders, Jensen stared through sleepy eyes at Jared. “Wha’ time is it?” He mumbled sleepily, fingers sliding along the back of Jared’s neck and through his hair.

“Late. After two thirty? You look exhausted.” Jared rubbed his nose against Jensen’s cheek for a few moments. “Come to bed? I can’t sleep if you’re not there and there’s not enough room on this couch for two.”

“Two thirty?” Jensen frowned as he forced himself up off the couch, swaying slightly before clutching Jared’s arm. “God that’s late. I made dinner, well I mean, hours ago. Did you eat?” Jensen often worried Jared would work himself too hard and get sick, even now his hand came up to smooth over Jared’s temple, just checking.

“No, I- I’ll take it for lunch tomorrow.” Jared slipped his arms around his husband’s waist. “Bed?” He sighed quietly; all day the one thing that kept him going was thinking about wrapping his arms tight around Jensen and falling asleep.

“Take it for lunch?” Jensen asked quietly and leaned into his husband’s warmth. He was exhausted, mostly because sleeping never came easy without Jared around. “You gotta go in tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow’s Saturday,” Jared said softly and shook his head. “God, I don’t even know what day it is anymore. No,” he smiled. “I’m not _fucking_ going anywhere tomorrow. Well, unless I’m following you.” Dropping his head heavily to Jensen’s shoulder Jared moaned quietly. “I think I might actually be dead.”

Stroking a hand through Jared’s hair, Jensen sighed softly before stepping back, tugging Jared along with him. “Come on, lord knows if you pass out you’re stuck there ‘cause I’m definitely not strong enough to carry you.” He walked backwards to their room, already reaching out to help Jared get the buttons on his shirt undone.

“How did I get so lucky?” Even while Jensen was getting his shirt off Jared couldn’t help leaning forward to kiss his cheek, then the corner of his mouth. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to come home and _not_ have Jensen.

“Hmm. Pretty sure it had something to do with you being a cop. You know I can’t resist a man all fancied up.” Jensen chuckled softly and reached up for Jared’s tie, pulling at it until he could slide it free. His back bumped into the door frame but Jared’s steps didn’t stop so Jensen found himself pinned and couldn’t resist shoving at Jared’s shirt until it slipped free. “God I miss you Jared. Is life always this crazy?” It sure felt like he spent a lot of time missing Jared.

“God, I hope not,” Jared murmured against Jensen’s lips. Leaning hard against his husband Jared slid his hands straight down the man’s sides and curled his fingers over his hips. “How was your day?” Lips moving along his husband’s jaw, Jared smiled and inhaled the sweet scent of the man.

“Boring.” Jensen exhaled the word, closing his eyes as his hands slid down between Jared’s arms to pull at his dress slacks. “Too much homework. But I got a lot of it done.” His lips twitched into a smile as Jared’s body seemingly rolled toward his. “Come on, I know you’re tired.” Just another bad thing on the list of real life, one of them was always too tired, which occasionally drove Jensen a little crazy.

Pulling Jensen with him Jared turned into the bedroom and headed for the bed. “But educated men are so sexy, well, you are.” He grinned and rasped his stubble against Jensen’s smoother cheek as they fell onto the bed.

Chuckling softly Jensen’s hands worked between them again until he could shove off the rest of Jared’s clothes. “I knew you only loved me because I’m smart and sexy.” He twisted back again so his lips could meet Jared’s, humming softly into the kiss.

Sliding his hands down Jensen’s body Jared’s lips twitched into a smile. “You’re wearing my t-shirt, give it back.” Jared rolled over onto his back and pulled Jensen with him; he tugged at the bottom of the shirt until it was halfway up Jensen’s chest.

“I like wearing your clothes. They smell like you.” Jensen smiled down at his husband then tugged at his shirt, pulling it the rest of the way off. “Helps me not be so lonely. Your sweats too.” Jensen nodded down at the pants he was wearing, not too surprised that he was already mostly hard. Something about Jared always worked him up like that. “Mm. Love you.” Jensen dropped back down to bring his lips to Jared’s, stretching out over his body.

“Better give me _those_ back too then.” Jared slid his palms down to Jensen’s ass and hooked his thumbs over the waist band of the sweats. As he pulled them down he felt only the smooth skin of Jensen’s ass. “What? Mr. Padalecki? No boxers? Were you expecting some sneaky part-time lover or something?” Tired or not - Jared could just devour his husband sometimes.

Wiggling slightly to kick the sweats off, Jensen smirked down at his husband, keeping his body hovering over the man’s. “Yeah, I’ve got this hot detective; he comes in and satisfies me when my husband’s busy.” Dropping his body down, Jensen moaned half in relief, half in pleasure when his cock slid against Jared’s. “You should see him. He’s, super hot. Like a god.”

“Not sure I can compete with a god.” Jared’s hand curved over Jensen’s back and pulled him down gently until he could feel the weight of his husband’s entire body. Moaning softly he tightened his grip. “I’ll fight for you though. You’re mine.” Grin dissolving into a smile Jared caught Jensen’s bottom lip between his teeth and tugged gently. “Missed you,” he murmured as he let go.

“Yeah. Me too.” Jensen closed his eyes and let his body roll softly against his husbands. “Bet you could win. The fight I mean. I think you’re stronger than him.” He smiled against Jared’s lips before kissing him softly. Then he worked his way down Jared’s jaw, down to his neck, sucking softly along his skin and down to his collar bone.

Laughing quietly, Jared tangled his fingers in Jensen’s hair. He _loved_ when Jensen let it grow a little, long enough for the slight curl to reappear. Jensen’s lips were smooth and just a little insistent and Jared slid his free hand down to his the firm muscle of his husband’s ass. “Hey?”

Dragging his teeth along the bone and rolling his hips back against his husband’s hand, Jensen hummed softly. “What?” He asked in a quiet whisper, lifting his head to peer down at his husband.

“I love you,” Jared murmured. Tightening his grip on Jensen’s hair and pulled his husband’s mouth back to his and crushed them together because, yeah, _nothing_ was better than this; than _Jensen_.

“Gonna show me how much?” Jensen teased quietly, breaking the kiss for a moment before reclaiming his lips once more. He didn’t care if it was almost three and they’d both had a long week, they could sleep in tomorrow. This was more than worth it.

Jared’s tongue swept through his husband’s mouth, re-learning every surface, every warm, wet sensation. With his cock pressed into the curve of Jensen’s hip Jared couldn’t resist the urge to thrust up slightly. Jensen was hard, his swollen cock trapped between their bodies and Jared loved the way the man’s body rolled slightly against his.

Sucking hard on Jared’s tongue, Jensen moaned into the kiss, fingers sliding up into his husband’s hair. He met each lift of Jared’s body, pressing back with a gentle roll down of his hips. Jensen could probably get off on this alone, because it was _Jared_ , the man he loved more than life itself. They’d been together nearly five years now and still every moment was perfect.

Grabbing Jensen’s shoulders Jared dragged his husband up his body slightly. The rigid flesh of their cocks slid together and Jared moaned as his lips slid down to mouth along Jensen’s throat. He could feel every swallow, his lips tingling with the purr of a moan that erupted from Jensen’s mouth. “Fuck,” his lips moved on the heated flesh. “I need a year of this... a year off... _God._ ”

“Sounds amazing.” Jensen murmured and rolled his head back, seeking more of Jared’s lips heated on his skin. “Jare, I need you.” His chest tightened at the words, body pressing harder, more sure along Jared’s.

Holding Jensen’s head cradled in his hand Jared dragged his lips back to reclaim his husband’s mouth. Reaching out to the night stand he patted the top of the surface until he found the bottle of lube. Somehow he managed to get some on his hand and then the heated flesh of his cock before slipping two fingers quickly into his husband’s quivering entrance. “That what you want?”

“God yes.” Jensen gasped softly and instantly rocked his body down onto his husband’s fingers. “Always want this.” He murmured and half smiled, knowing they both were well aware of just how needy Jensen could be. Add to the fact that they hadn’t had sex all week and it was enough to turn Jensen back into his eighteen year old self, always desperate for more. “Jared,” he moaned his husband’s name, burying his face into Jared’s neck.

Fingers twisting slightly Jared withdrew them and growled softly. There were times when he felt so _much_ for Jensen it was like his heart would stop if they weren’t connected; like somehow he would cease to breath. Hands falling to his husband’s hips Jared guided him forward until the slick head of his cock was brushing the puckered opening. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” Jensen murmured and shifted his body back, sinking further down Jared’s cock, not stopping until his ass was fully pressed to Jared’s body. “Should always be like this.” Jensen breathed, closing his eyes as he adjusted to the stretch and slightest burn. His hand slid up to Jared’s cheek, curving along the slightly rough skin, sliding down like he couldn’t get enough of touching Jared’s body.

The heat and squeeze of Jensen’s body around his cock had Jared throwing his head back and moaning. Panting softly he covered Jensen’s hand on his own cheek and threaded their fingers together. For the briefest moment something regretful gnawed at him; there was never enough time for them. Biting down on his bottom lip Jared let out a small gasp as Jensen circled his hips slowly.

Moaning louder and tilting into the kiss, Jensen lifted his body and sank back down, clenching his muscles each time to keep Jared firm within him. His hips began to move at a familiar pace now, pulling up off him, sliding back down, each gentle thrust as pleasurable as the next. His fingers connected with Jared’s tightened, squeezing firmly; he rode Jared’s body as his pace picked up speed.

 _These_ were the moments that Jared longed for sometimes. Familiar somehow and still shockingly new and exciting, sweet, loving. Moaning Jared let his hand slide up the curves of Jensen’s chest until his fingers curled around the base of the man’s neck. _His_ ; Jensen was _his_. His thumb rubbed over the vein pulsing in his husband’s neck as he watched wide-eyed and amazed at the way Jensen’s body moved so fluidly over him.

Jensen closed his eyes as the pleasure of being touched, of Jared inside him strengthened and burned. It was never enough, never long enough and Jensen’s lips parted around a small moan, hips rolling back to draw Jared in deeper. The head of his husband’s cock brushed along Jensen’s prostate and he shuddered, rocking back to hit that spot over and over. “Touch me,” he gasped softly, peeling his eyes open to meet his husband’s lust clouded gaze.

Sucking in a deep breath Jared let his fingers stroke softly over Jensen’s swollen cock. Hard and hot beneath the pads of his fingers Jared stroked up then back down in an almost tender motion. Pleasure shimmered through him as Jensen’s hips kept rocking back hard onto him and he began to stroke in time with his husband’s rhythm. “God,” he murmured. Lust burned away at his insides until he felt like he would just blow apart.

Losing control _just_ a little Jared thrust up hard, hips slamming up into Jensen’s ass and the pleasure of it cut through him like a knife.

A low moan extended from Jensen’s lips as he rocked his body back to meet each of Jared’s hard thrusts. Large fingers on his cock continued to stroke, keeping up pace, and Jensen could feel the beginning shake of his release building up within him. Half a dozen hard thrusts up into his prostate had Jensen’s muscles tightening, eyes close as his orgasm tore through him, hips circling down onto Jared with the moan of his name.

Jared came moments after his husband. As his release pulsed into Jensen he felt the man’s hot come splash over his hand, onto his belly and chest. Crying out softly Jensen fell forward slightly and Jared caught him; eyes locked onto his husbands face. _Beautiful_. When Jensen came apart like that - even if it were seconds or moments in Jared’s day - it was so amazing. Finally giving in to the exhaustive waves of pleasure in his own body Jared moaned and closed his eyes, hips twitched up into the tempting heat of his lover.

Breathing in the smell of them and sex was one of Jensen’s favorite things. He pillowed his head on Jared’s shoulder, rising and falling with each ragged breath his husband pulled in. “Mm perfect.” Jensen hummed softly along his skin, pressing a soft kiss to Jared’s neck.

Jared wasn’t sure he ever wanted to move again but _God_ the feeling was so worth the very last of his energy. He managed to drape his arm over Jensen’s neck and hold him in case he had any crazy ideas about moving. “Gonna run away with you,” Jared muttered.

“Mm to the beach?” Jensen didn’t bother opening his eyes, just smiled against Jared’s neck and let the bliss of the moment wash over him.

“Just to ... right here for now,” Jared mumbled sleepily. “After week of sleep - then beach.”

“Sounds like a good plan.” Jensen chuckled softly and held his breath for just a moment like he could cement this moment in time and keep it from moving forward. Then he released the air with a gentle whoosh and wiggled to get comfortable on Jared’s body. “Just gonna sleep here.”

“Not complainin’.” Jared turned into his husband’s hair and kissed him softly.

“Mmkay, night.” Jensen pressed a final kiss to Jared’s skin before letting sleep claim him once more.

-=-=-=-

Jensen had this theory sometimes that he had to prove his worth. It was ridiculous, and Jared would probably laugh if he knew about, which was why Jensen kept it to himself. But because of that theory, whenever he could he was going out of his way to prove to Jared that having him around was a good thing. It wasn’t so much worrying about Jared finding someone else - they’d covered that particular subject enough times for Jensen to feel secure - so maybe it was just Jensen proving it to himself.

Either way, this led to Jensen cooking Jared breakfast and bringing it to him in bed. When he’d first woken up he’d been annoyed because it was barely after eight and he wanted to sleep in. But his internal alarm was set for school and no snuggling closer to Jared could pull him back into sleep. So he’d lay there for awhile just relaxing before getting up to shower and change into clothes for painting.

Closer to eleven than ten Jensen made waffles with the waffle iron he had mastered the use of, with the occasional burn he couldn’t escape, and some bacon so Jared could get his fill of protein laced meat. Jensen blamed the desire to have meat at every meal on Jared’s Texan roots.

When he carried it all on a tray with a fresh cup of coffee prepared just right into the bedroom Jared was still asleep. Jensen chuckled softly at the way he’d curled around a pillow, hair splayed out in all directions, sheet low on his body. “Jared,” he said softly, setting the tray on the nightstand and crawling over to his husband’s still passed out form. “Time to wake up. I made food.” Jensen dipped down to press a small kiss to Jared’s slightly parted lips.

“Shh...” Jared smiled and slipped his fingers up to brush against Jensen’s cheek. “Was dreaming had this husband and he-” Jared yawned and sucked in a deep breath as his lashes fluttered open. “And he smelled like bacon.” Jared’s eyes opened a little wider and he looked around and spotted the tray. “Have I said how much I love you? ‘Cause seriously - bringing me food in bed? And you? Awesome.”

Smiling brightly down at his husband, Jensen shifted back and reached out for the tray, bringing it over his lap and breaking off a piece of bacon to slide into his mouth. “I know, I’m the absolute best. It’s a wonder you even ate when I wasn’t around.” He laughed softly, pleased to see the smile on Jared’s face unlike other mornings when he knew he was going in for an entirely too long work shift. “Waffles too. And coffee. You can thank me properly later.”

Sighing Jared pushed up on one elbow and broke off a piece of waffle to put in his mouth. “Are you staying here to hold the tray?” Grinning up at his husband Jared chewed happily. It was so rare to have a morning together that Jared had almost forgotten what Jensen looked like during the day.

“Yup. Here for your viewing pleasure.” Jensen smirked at his husband and shifted the tray on his lap as he stretched his legs out. “Home day? I swung by the store yesterday so we’re good on groceries. I’ve got some painting to do but yeah, can be done any time.”

“Yeah, gotta take my truck down and wash it -that’s all. Stinks inside.” Jared spent entirely too much time in his truck. Donna had even started to insist they take her car which was saying something because she _hated_ doing all the driving. “Man,” Jared folded a piece of bacon into his mouth. “Sunlight! I can see the sun for once.” Laughing he swallowed and rested his hand on Jensen’s knee for a moment.

Jared sat up and leaned against the headboard next to his husband and picked up his fork to dig in to the waffles. “So? Tell me about your week. Classes? New boyfriends?” He smiled.

Laughing a little louder Jensen shifted to drop his head on Jared’s shoulder. “Oh you know me; I have to beat the boys off with a stick.” He reached out to sip from Jared’s coffee, perfectly content to spend as long as possible in bed.

-=-=-=-

Once breakfast was done Jensen headed into the kitchen to start cleaning up while Jared hopped into the shower. He was just in the middle of sliding a dish into the machine when the doorbell rang. Pursing his lips slightly Jensen grabbed the dish towel and rubbed it along his hands as he headed for the door, turning the lock and pulling it open to look out at his mom standing there.

“Hey mom didn’t expect to see you today.” He smiled at her, the action fading slightly as he thought about why she might have come by. “You’re not here for Jared are you? Because if you are I’m not letting you in. He needs a day off.”

Donna chuckled softly and shook her head. “No darling, believe it or not but I actually came by to see you. Mack went shopping with some friend’s and I’ve got to pick her up in a bit so I thought I’d come and say hello.”

Smile brightening once more Jensen pulled the door the rest of the way open and stepped back, offering his mother entrance. “That’s sweet mom, it’s been awhile.” He kissed her cheek softly as she passed and closed the door, following her down the hall to the kitchen. “Jared’s in the shower. Let me just pop in there and let him know you’re here so you don’t see more of him than you’d like too.”

Her laughter followed him down the hall and he smiled as he stepped into the bedroom, pushing the bathroom door open enough to call out to his husband. Jared groaned even after Jensen insisted it was a visit not related to work and Jensen returned to the kitchen still laughing softly. “He’s got some errands to run so he’ll probably pop out.”

“Oh I get it, we’ve been spending so much time together recently I’m sure he’d rather do anything than visit here at his home.” Donna smiled warmly at Jensen, already having helped herself to a cup of coffee.

Jensen always found visits like these a little surreal. It didn’t matter if he’d lived out on his own for four years, whenever his mom was around it always made him feel like a little kid all over again. “So mom, how’s Mack? Have you gone by to see Karen and the baby recently?” Jensen loved that little kid, even if she was only a few months old Jensen relished the role of Uncle. It always eased that part of him that occasionally longed for a kid. A few hours listening to his brother relate late night feeding horror stories and Jensen was cured of the idea for a while.

“Yup everyone’s good. Still getting used to the whole, Grandma idea. Josh of course likes to call me it whenever he can.” Donna laughed, sipping from her coffee.

Jensen opened his mouth to say something but cut off quickly when Jared darted in the room, saying a quick _hi Donna_ before snagging Jensen and pulling him in for a quick kiss. Jensen smiled at the soft _love you_ before Jared was calling a goodbye and bolting for the door.

Eyebrows lifting, Jensen shrugged at his mom but he couldn’t help from grinning. “Guess he wasn’t quite convinced this was a social visit. Living room?”

“Sure.” Donna nodded and followed Jensen across the hall to the living room.

They settled in on opposite sides of the couch, taking some time to catch up on family stories and school. Jensen had always considered himself lucky to live so close to his mom, fifteen minute drive on the slowest days, and right then with school they couldn’t have been in a better place. Which didn’t stop his mind from wondering what was next for them come May when Jensen graduated but they still had some time to think about it.

“Work is, as you know, so crazy right now. It’s always one thing after another it seems. I know it has to be hard on you, seeing how it affects Jared and everything.” Donna reached out and patted his arm, smiling softly at him. “Which was why I was a little surprised that Jared turned down the job offer.”

Jensen’s eyes widened slightly at the words and he looked up at his mom, brows furrowing. “What job offer?”

Donna’s head tilted in slight confusion, lips pursing together for a moment. “The one in Lakewood? I was sure he’d take it, better hours, better pay, and lead partnership. It’s a fantastic offer. I was actually expecting you two to call any day and say you wanted to make the move.”

Jensen’s mind shot back over the past few weeks, trying to recall if Jared had ever mentioned anything about a Lakewood job offer. Their time together had been so brief it wasn’t that hard to sort through and come up with nothing. “When did they offer it to him?”

“You mean, he didn’t tell you?” Donna frowned and shook her head slowly. “Oh well, it’s probably nothing. No need to worry about it.”

“When did they offer it mom?” Jensen pressed, completely thrown that Jared hadn’t mentioned something so important to him.

“Oh I don’t know honey, a week or two ago?” Donna sighed. She looked uncomfortable, obviously caught between her son and her partner. Jensen felt for her but he wasn’t giving in that easily. When he just narrowed his eyes, Donna sighed once more. “Alright, sometime last week. I thought he’d mention it to you but I’m sure he didn’t want you to stress out because you _always_ do. Maybe Jared didn’t want the position so he didn’t even think it was worth mentioning.”

Jensen frowned, slowly nodding. He knew his mom was trying to help, trying to smooth over the bumps she inadvertently made but it wasn’t helping. Because the _only_ reason Jared would say no to a position that paid more and offered seniority along with better hours was because of Jensen. Lakewood was about an hour and a half away which would be the furthest Jensen lived from his family in his whole life.

After finding out Jared had kept something so major from him, Jensen had a hard time focusing in on his mom. It was alright because she had to leave after a few minutes to get Mack from the mall anyway but he still felt a little guilty.

While he waited for Jared to come home he painted. It wasn’t only his hobby and passion; it was the perfect way to clear his mind. Only now Jensen was caught up on all the thoughts about Jared and the position he’d turned down. Did Jared think he couldn’t handle living that far from his family? It might be a little lonelier but it wasn’t like Jensen didn’t have friends, or couldn’t make some if they were to move.

The more obvious dilemma was school and the fact that he still had nine months left until graduation but that could be worked around. Jensen could transfer to the art academy, which he’d been looking into anyway for curiosity sake. He could even commute for a little while, if Jared was okay with taking the bike into work. The point was that they were supposed to talk to each other about these things. Maybe Jensen could even prove to Jared that he could do okay in a different place.

By the time he heard the low rumble of the truck pulling back into the driveway Jensen’s thoughts were nowhere close to being settled. He wanted to bring the subject up right away to Jared but he didn’t know how to without jumping on him and escalating things. For some reason Jared hadn’t wanted to talk to him about the offer and while Jensen splashed bright orange paint on the canvas, he tried to shake his mind clear of all the troubling thoughts inspired by that fact.

Pushing the door open Jared strode in and pulled his shirt off. He’d ended up getting more water on himself than the truck but he didn’t really care. It was great to be outside doing something _normal_ that didn’t involved a badge or a gun. “Jensen?” He wiped his chest dry as he headed down the hallway.

“Painting,” Jensen called over his shoulder and set down the cup of orange paint in favor of the purple. This painting was supposed to be using the theme _hope_. Right now it looked more like, garbage. He glanced over at the door, listening to Jared walking his way and sighed. “This is shit.”

Tilting his head to the side Jared narrowed his eyes. “I like it. I like the orange.” Leaning forward he kissed Jensen’s cheek and then reached up to wipe at a smudge of paint on his husband’s cheek. “How was your visit with Mom?” Jared knew that Jensen secretly got a kick out of Jared referring to Donna as _Mom_. It was one of the perks of being married; being able to tease Donna at work with it and please Jensen at home at the same time.

“Fine. She talked for awhile about the adjustment she’s going through being called Grandma whenever she goes to Josh’s.” Jensen half smiled for a moment then fixed his eyes on the painting. “Nope. It’s shit. Man, like we could really afford me wasting a canvas. And I had to put that one together too which, as you know, is a bitch.” Jensen often made his husband help assemble the canvases, stretching out the thick material so he could stable it into the board frame. “Maybe I should just cover the rest in black and leave one little spot of orange and call _that_ hope.”

“Hope?” Jared’s smile wavered. “Black doesn’t seem very hopeful. Hey - you want to make some more canvases later today? I don’t mind. Long as you let me do anything that involves sharp tools.” He curled his hand over Jensen’s shoulder and squeezed slightly. There was something bothering Jensen but sometimes, Jared didn’t understand the whole creative process.

“Does a stable gun count as a sharp tool?” Jensen wondered idly as he traded out the purple for the black. “And, orange. It’s, vitality with endurance. Signifying a person’s thoughtfulness and sincerity. So that’s. It’s hope.” Jensen sighed and grabbed the rag, holding it at the bottom of the canvas while tipping the cup of black paint at the top of the canvas. “So. Anything you want to tell me?” He glanced over at his husband then back at the canvas, catching the black paint with the rag and sliding it across the bottom.

“Oh _boy_. That’s one of those loaded questions. Uh,” Jared scratched at the back of his neck for a moment and took a step back. “I love you? I ... don’t like the painting either?” He laughed nervously and turned to go and drop down onto the couch.

Jensen frowned at the dark black and the little patch of orange in the middle that he was steadily building around. There were any number of reasons why Jared still wasn’t saying something about the job offer and Jensen decided he’d just have to bring it up himself before his mind spun out of control at the possibilities. “My mom said they offered you a job in Lakewood.” His shoulders tensed slightly but he kept working on the canvas, scowling slightly when his hand got covered in black paint.

“Oh. Did she? That was swell of her.” Jared groaned and leaned his head back on the couch. “I. It just wasn’t. Well, not my thing really. You know?” Jared stared over at the way Jensen’s shoulders were squared. “Not what I wanted.”

Jensen laughed humorlessly and glanced over at his husband. “Yeah because who the hell would want a job that pays more, gives you a higher rank and has better hours? I can _totally_ see the advantages of saying no.” Jensen turned back to drop the rag on top of the black paint cup and stared at his dirty hands for a moment before heading past Jared to the kitchen. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked over his shoulder, using his elbow to bump the faucet on.

Taking a few moments to close his eyes and take a deep breath Jared then pushed up off the couch and wandered over to lean against the counter beside Jensen. “Jen. Don’t be mad. I just - We have a life here and this is our home. Donna needs us around and you like being near Mack right?” Reaching out he stroked his fingers through Jensen’s hair. He hated when they fought, even about the smallest things.

“Mack isn’t a little girl anymore Jared. She’s sixteen, hardly the little eleven year old that had a crush on you way back when.” Jensen sighed. He had already known that these would be the arguments Jared would use, it didn’t make things any better. “And, we’ve already discussed buying a home at some point. Plus, all my shows would be down in the Denver area and just-” Jensen glanced over at Jared then back at his black soapy hands. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. You’ve already said no so it’s done.”

“Jensen, it would have meant you moving away from Chris and I mean, you don’t really have a lot of other friends right? Besides, who’d take care of your mom at work if I weren’t there?” Jared smiled weakly and slid a little closer. “You mad at me? I’m just trying to take care of you.” Leaning down Jared pressed his lips to Jensen’s temple.

“I’m not a child Jared.” Jensen said quietly, finally pulling his hands free from the water and drying them on the towel there. As he turned the faucet off he turned to face Jared, pursing his lips for a moment before shrugging. “I’m not mad at you. It was your decision. Not mine. And you’ve already made it so there’s no point in arguing about it.” He laid his hand on Jared’s chest over his heart, ignoring the still racing thoughts and kissing the corner of his husband’s lips softly. “It’s fine.”

Jared stared down at Jensen for a few moments. “I don’t think you’re a child. I’ve never treated you like that. I just thought it would be better if we stayed here for a while and really, the job was... I don’t know if it was so good. Maybe your mom exaggerated a little.” Jared pressed his hand over Jensen’s. “I’m sorry if I screwed it up by not talking to you.”

“I said it was fine.” Jensen dropped his gaze to their hands, squeezing once before sliding away and heading back for the living room. “You should go get the staple gun; we can do the canvases now so I’m stocked up for awhile.” Jensen told himself over and over that not talking about it was the better decision, because he didn’t want to fight and really there was no point since Jared had said no. It didn’t settle all that much within him but that would easily be fixed after some serious time not thinking about it.

“We could talk about it if you want. I mean, do you want to?” Jared turned and watched Jensen as he moved and sighed. He knew Jensen well enough to know that the issue wasn’t going to just go away.

“What’s to say Jared, really?” Jensen moved to the storage closet to pull out the extra wood frame pieces and the large thick roll of canvas. “It’s pretty obvious you don’t want to talk about because you’ve kept it secret this whole time so.” He shrugged and looked up at Jared, frowning slightly. “Sorry. I’m being ridiculous. Really, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t say _secret_. It’s not like it was some big thing that I hid or something. I mean when I first spoke to them I was pretty excited but then I realized how crazy it was, you know? And it would be selfish of me to just move us like that.” Jared trailed over finally and picked up the canvas.

“It was a secret Jared. Because. _God_ this marriage isn’t about me and what makes me happy. It’s about _us_. And see, you said you were pretty excited, and then what were excuses for not taking it? Me. All me. That makes me the selfish one. So maybe if you had _talked_ to me about it then the outcome would have been different.” Jensen huffed quietly as he finished, looking over at Jared. “And I have other friends than Chris, for the record. You know I have a whole other life Jared outside these walls and my bubble of family.”

“Yeah? Who?” Jared dropped the canvas back down to the floor and headed over to the couch. “Come and sit down and tell me about all the times you’ve gone out with other people, friends, had fun lately.” Sitting down he folded his arms over his chest.

“Just because I don’t go out with them doesn’t mean they don’t exist.” Jensen narrowed his eyes at Jared, staying rooted to his spot. “Who do you think I eat lunch with every day? Who do you think I’m texting sometimes when I say it’s just a friend from school? Believe it or not Jared but I actually have a pretty large group of friends and at any time I want I could go hang out with them. But I don’t.” Jensen looked away, inhaling deeply to struggle against his emotions. This was going exactly how he thought it would, which was bad. Very bad.

“I don’t _know_ who you eat lunch with.” Jared looked down and smiled sadly. “I didn’t know that. Maybe this is just me, I don’t know.” Jared sighed and looked up at his husband. “You should go out more, you know, if you want to.”

“I don’t. Or I would.” Jensen shrugged and began sliding the board pieces together to make the frame of the canvas. “Do you have an issue with me staying at home and waiting around for you or something?” True, Jensen was kind of a solitary creature but he didn’t think there was anything wrong with that.

“No.” Jared shook his head. “Why do I feel a bit like I’m under attack here?” Jared smiled nervously and rubbed his hand over his chest before sitting forward a little. This wasn’t exactly the way he had imagined spending his day with Jensen.

“I said it’s fine you know? We don’t have to keep talking about it.” Jensen shrugged and dropped the wooden frame on the ground. “Let’s just watch a movie or something.” He headed for the couch, dropping down beside Jared. Now a whole new set of thoughts were spinning through Jensen’s mind and he wanted nothing more than to stop them.

“I’m gonna go take a shower.” Jared didn’t want to fight and there was still some lingering irritation running through him. Pushing up off the couch he headed down the hall. “Won’t be long. I just- yeah.” Heading off down the hall Jared slipped into their bedroom and dropped down face first onto the bed. “Fuck,” he mumbled into the quilt.

Jensen stared at the hallway long after Jared had gone, saying softly to no one. “You already showered today.” He _hated_ fighting, more than anything else. And he felt so wrong inside, off kilter. Questions kept popping up in his mind, like if he was being ridiculous about this whole thing or if it was abnormal to not spend more time with his school friend’s.

After five or so minutes of an internal battle he was up on his feet and heading for the bedroom, not all the surprised to see Jared on the bed and not in the shower like he said. He watched for a few minutes, trying to decide if Jared was asleep before heading for his closet to find an outfit that wasn’t stained with paint.

“Can we be friends again now?” Jared kept his voice soft. Holding his hand out he smiled at his husband.

The shirt in Jensen’s hands dropped and he stepped toward Jared, crossing the room with increasingly faster strides until his hand slipped through Jared’s. “Jared,” he said softly and smiled down at him. “We were always friends. I just got carried away. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it. Look. I don’t wanna fight when we have like a few hours together, you know? Wanna go out and get some ice cream or something? Have coffee with me?” Jared’s smile warmed and he reached up to smooth his fingers over Jensen’s cheek.

Crawling onto the bed, Jensen tucked himself into the curve of Jared’s body, clinging to him. “Can we just lie here for awhile, like we used to do when I first moved in?” Jared’s shirt curled under his palm and Jensen smiled softly.

“‘Course,” Jared wrapped his arms tight around his husband. “Then ice cream?” Smiling into the man’s warm brown hair Jared hummed quietly. It was _always_ better to have Jensen with him.

“Yes Mr. Padalecki, then ice cream.” Jensen chuckled and closed his eyes, drinking in Jared’s warmth.


	2. Chapter 2

After a ten minute silent debate Jensen gave up on his homework and went to make dinner instead. Jared had said _maybe_ he’d be home in time to actually eat it so Jensen began boiling water for the pasta, a suitable distraction from all the thoughts he’d been hiding from over the past few days since he and Jared had fought. Specifically some of the concerns Jared might really have though he hadn’t voiced aloud, how rarely Jensen went out and did things.

Jensen browned meat and dumped a jar of sauce over the small pieces as the noodles softened and he resisted looking toward the door longingly. It was impossible not to worry about his husband out there, as usual, and this particular case was turning out to be one of the tougher ones. It worried Jensen more than he admitted.

The ringing of his phone brought Jensen from his thoughts and he turned back to the counter, smiling at Jared’s name on the screen. “Hey, please say you’re calling to say you’re on your way home.” Jensen balanced the phone between his ear and shoulder, stirring the sauce slowly.

“Hi you. What are you doing?” Jared was glad to hear the soft sound of his husband’s voice. He’d needed to hear it.

“Makin’ food.” Jensen answered softly and bit down on his lip, watching little bubbles form in the sauce. “You gonna come eat with me?”

“Jen, I’m sorry. Thing just got kind of crazy here again. Save me some?” Jared rubbed at his forehead and waved at Donna to let her know he was on his way. “We got called out again. People over at the campus are kind of freaking out but we can’t take a chance on anything.”

“Oh.” Jensen nodded and stared down at the food for a moment before forcing himself to laugh. “It’s okay. You know, some kids from my class invited me to go hang out with them tonight so. I’ll just, go do that. And I’ll have them come get me so no worries about the bike being touched.” It wasn’t exactly how Jensen would have spent his night but Jared already sounded worried and the last thing he needed was to worry about Jensen too. “Be safe okay?”

“Hey, who ya gonna go with?” Jared covered the phone and called out to Donna that he was coming. “God, Donn- your mother is kickin’ my ass tonight. Will you be late?” Jared headed past his desk and down the hallway.

“Probably not as late as you. And just a couple of guys. Alex and Zach. They said something about hookah? I don’t know.” Jensen shrugged, knowing it wasn’t really his thing but well, trying out life and all. “You will come home tonight though right? You won’t just catch a few hours of sleep at the office?” It was rare but this case was big enough Jensen could see it happening.

“Hookah? Jensen who are these guys?” Jared swung past the front desk of the precinct and left, logging Donna and himself out. “Listen we’ll talk when I get home yeah? Love you.” Jared swore softly as he stepped over a guy who was passed out by the front desk and called over his phone “Larry can you not see this guy here?”

“Okay. Jared I lo-” The line clicked in Jensen’s ear at the tail end of Jared’s swearing and he blinked a few times, frowning down at the now useless food he was cooking. He hoped that Jared really was coming home for the night and his lack of answering the question wasn’t his way of avoiding the subject.

Maybe if this were a different situation, if he wasn’t trying to prove something to both himself and his husband, Jensen would have just shrugged off the idea of going out with his friends. They weren’t even that close anyway, just slightly more friendly than casual acquaints. But the house was so empty and quiet and he’d just be worried about Jared if he stayed behind so he picked up his phone once more and scrolled through to find Zach’s number.

Jensen had a bit of a reputation among his school friend’s as the married guy who didn’t socialize outside class. It wasn’t the best reputation to have but it did explain the surprise in Zach’s voice when he answered the call. “Jensen? What’s up?”

“Hey uh. So I was thinking about your offer, to uh, do the hookah thing?” Jensen was so weirdly _nervous_ it made him uncomfortable and he shifted from foot to foot uncertainly.

“Yeah? You want to come?”

“Yeah. My husband works tonight so, I just, thought it might be fun? Do you think you could pick me up? I’m not too far from campus.” Jensen hadn’t been out with someone outside family, Jared or Chris since high school, and it was beginning to feel a little like he’d stepped into a different world already.

“Sure man, text me your address and we’ll be by around eight ‘kay?”

“Okay.” Jensen breathed and hung up the phone before he could change his mind. He could do this and prove to Jared and his family that he was totally a normal twenty one year old guy. But first he had to put away the uneaten spaghetti. So, maybe not that normal.

-=-=-=-

The inside of the hookah shop was filled with rhythmic music, large puffs of smoke, and low tables surrounded by pillows to sit on. Basically it looked like someone had stolen the layout of a Bollywood movie and crammed it into a small building in downtown Greeley. Which was basically the same as uptown Greeley, only scarier at night time.

Jensen had absolutely no idea what to do so he simply followed Alex, Zach, and Zach’s girlfriend Shira to a small table in the far corner. They slid into their seats, the other three talking over each other over which flavors they should make Jensen try. Their excitement made him more than a little nervous.

“This is, legal right? I’m not going to go home all stoned, right?” Jensen eyed the menu uncertainly. Not that he had issues with people who wanted to smoke pot or whatever but as the son and husband of two of the most infamous local detectives, Jensen had a feeling doing anything illegal in public would be beyond stupid.

“It’s totally legal.” Alex insisted from his left, grinning at Jensen. “Don’t worry, no law breaking for you Jensen. We know who you associate with.”

That was a really strange way to put it but Jensen nodded and forced a smile, praying this wasn’t a bad decision. “I’ve never smoked anything before.” Jensen admitted with a slight shrug. “Like, at all. Seriously.”

They were all laughing again and Jensen couldn’t help smiling back at them. Good idea or not, laughing was much better than sitting around at home worrying about his husband. Now he was just, sitting somewhere else worrying about him.

“Just take it easy, drink a lot of the tea, and stop if you feel dizzy.” Zach advised, grinning up at the waitress as she brought over four cups and a mug of tea, filling each cup for them.

Jensen was just as dubious about the tea as he was the hookah. Especially when they ordered flavors like _Sting Ray_ and _Mizo Horny_. Yeah, that one had made Jensen’s eyes widen and his body tense slightly. “What is...” He gestured toward the waitress as she left, swallowing his nerves down.

“House blends. Sting Ray is pomegranate, orange and vanilla. And Mizo Horny happens to be my favorite, mint, melon, orange, and coconut.” Alex punched his arm softly and laughed. “Chill out Jensen, drink some tea.”

Their eagerness for him to drink the tea was unsettling as everything else. Jensen was torn between staying because he was _trying_ to be more social or bolting for the door and calling a cab. “What kind of tea is it?”

“Moroccan mint.” Shira sipped from her own glass and leaned across the table. “So you’re married to a cop?”

“Uh, yeah. Jared. My mom’s a cop too.” Jensen nodded, distracted, before bringing up the glass and sipping experimentally from it. It actually wasn’t that bad so Jensen took a longer sip. It definitely had a minty flavor to it, warm and slick sliding down his throat. He could see how it might be helpful for smoking.

“Man, must have been a fun time growing up. How long have you been married?” Alex jumped easily into the conversation, all three watching him intently.

Jensen had never sat in one of the police interrogation rooms but he’d seen them and it certainly felt a lot like one of those right now. “A year and a half. But we’ve been living together for four years. Well, three years, technically. And we dated for about six months officially before that.”

They were doing the math in their heads; Jensen could see the expressions changing on their faces as they figured out that things didn’t quite add up. “So, like, since high school?” Shira asked curiously, finger sliding around the top of the cup.

“Yeah, I met Jared when I was seventeen.” Jensen flushed at that and looked away, rubbing at his neck. “He works with my mom.”

Whatever Jensen was expecting, their answering laughter wasn’t close to it. “Way to go Jensen. Workin’ that jail bait form of yours.”

“Jail bait?” Jensen squeaked and shook his head roughly. “No, no way. It wasn’t like...” Jensen couldn’t help laughing with them this time as his palm slapped into his forehead. “God, you make it sound so terrible.”

“Well obviously not since you’re still together and clearly devoted to him. We were so shocked you wanted to come out tonight.” Zach clapped his hands together when the waitress returned with two tall, pipe shaped things.

Jensen thought they might be called _bongs_ but he really, really hated that word. So pipe it was. That nervousness was back as Jensen watched Alex next to him reach out for the hose and connected mouth peace. It felt like he was doing something wrong, but it couldn’t be because this was a legitimate shop and he happened to know the local police force wouldn’t allow it to stay open if it was bad.

Still, when Alex blew out a large cloud of smoke and offered the hose to Jensen, he had a hard time reaching out for it. But Alex’s smile was encouraging and bright and Jensen didn’t want to disappoint him. Not if he was going to try and be friends with these people outside of class. “So I just, suck?”

“Yeah Jensen, I’m sure you can manage that.” Alex teased and laughed, elbowing Jensen’s arm.

Embarrassingly enough Jensen flushed and looked down at the mouth piece, tempted to wipe it off but resisting. “Uh, yeah. Do I hold it in or something?”

“Yeah. Count to like, five if you can then let it out.” Shira offered and smiled a little softer at Jensen. She might be his favorite of the three.

The mouth piece was warm and Jensen hesitated for just a moment before sucking in, blinking a few times at the rush of smoke filling his mouth and lungs, a strange bubbling of water happening in the see through glass base. He pulled in entirely too much the first time and tugged the hose back, turning his head to cough sharply at the flavored smoke.

“Ooh too much man. That burns. Drink some tea.” Alex nudged it toward him, taking the hose back. “Sorry man, forgot you didn’t know how much to take.”

“S’cool-” Jensen coughed a few moments longer, blinking a few times to clear the tears in his eyes. It felt strange to swallow but the tea quickly helped and the slight light-headedness seemed to fade slowly. “Uh, wow. That was intense.”

Once more the group was laughing and Zach offered the hose in his hand out to Jensen. “Don’t worry; you’ll get the hang of it.”

And, strangely enough, Jensen did.

He was even more nervous to take the second pull from the hose but this time he took barely any in and found it a lot easier to hold it in. It was easy to fall into some comfortable conversation with the three who had clearly been good friends for a long time. They were constantly talking over each other and passing around the hose but they brought Jensen into the topic whenever it seemed like he might be drifting a little.

He didn’t even acknowledge the time passing or the fact that he felt a little dizzy from all the smoke, the way they kept passing it around he thought it was normal. There might not be anything illegal about smoking hookah but Jensen certainly felt not quite sober.

When they finally headed back outside the cool early Autumn night air had him shivering and Jensen swayed slightly before Shira hooked their arms together. “You feeling okay Mr. Padalecki?”

“Isn’t that the _best_ last name?” Jensen grinned over at her, glad she was guiding them to the car. “Jared has the best last name, and it’s my last name too so you know, it’s amazing. So much better than Ackles. Not that I dislike Ackles, but _Padalecki_ , the way it rolls off your tongue.”

“Oh my god did someone lace his stuff?” Zach laughed loudly as he pulled open the driver’s side door.

“Don’t you remember how it was the first time? And Jensen’s never smoked a single thing so it has to be hitting him harder.” Alex pointed out though he was grinning brightly as Shira helped Jensen into the backseat.

“Can I come with you guy’s again? This was a lot of fun. I don’t go out hardly at all without Jared because. Well, he’s kind of my entire world you know? But it was good not to obsess over worrying about him tonight. You guy’s should really meet him. He’s amazing.”

“I hope he’s home otherwise you’re coming with us because I’m totally not leaving you alone like this.” Shira said softly, stroking his head when he slumped on her shoulder. “Maybe we should have cut you off.”

“He’ll snap out of it pretty soon.” Alex twisted around to watch them and grinned. “And yeah Jensen, you’re more than welcome to hang out whenever.”

Jensen simply hummed and closed his eyes, which was easier than trying to keep up with the flashing street lights. “Hey what time is it guys?”

“‘Bout one. You’re not gonna turn into a pumpkin or anything are you?”

Jensen snorted softly and shook his head. “No. Not fuckin’ Cinderella.”

“I don’t think Cinderella turned into a pumpkin.”

Jensen blinked his eyes open and looked up, staring out the window and grinning as they pulled up to his street. “Jared’s home! See, that’s his truck. Good. I didn’t want to hang out with you losers much longer.”

More laughter filled the car as they pulled up to Jensen’s house and he waved at them all, muttering as he climbed out. He tripped over the side walk step and laughed, turning as he heard the laughter intensify from the car. “Oh fuck you guys,” he called and straightened himself out eyes brightening when he saw Jared there at the now open front door. “Husband!” He called happily and almost jumped when the car still on the street honked.

“Jesus that scared me.” He laughed and clambered up the steps, grinning at Jared. “Have you been home long? You didn’t have to wait up for me.” But Jensen was very glad he had.

“Uh, hi?” The engine and laughter had drawn Jared to the door. “Did you have a good time?” Jensen looked a little disheveled and his eyes were kind of red; Jared raised an eyebrow at his husband.

“Yup, it was awesome. At first I was really nervous but Alex taught me the right way to suck and that made it-” Jensen cut himself off as he realized what he said and laughed, shaking his head quickly. “That sounds, I didn’t mean it to sound like that. Sucking from the hookah thing, not, there was no other sucking.” He stepped closer to Jared and laid his head on his husband’s shoulder. “Glad you’re here.”

"Me too, you should have-" Jared had pressed his face into Jensen's hair and pulled back quickly. "You smell all smoky," he muttered. Grasping Jensen's shoulder he pushed his husband back a little. The smell was all wrong; and maybe he was a _little_ envious of Jensen's friends.

“Do I? Well, yeah. That place was pretty smoky. No windows either.” Jensen scrunched up his face slightly and looked up at Jared. “I could shower. You could shower with me.” He smiled warmly up at his husband and slid a hand over Jared’s hip, bringing him in close once more and pressing a kiss to his neck.

Smiling, Jared pushed his husband back again and held him there. “I showered when I got home. You go ahead. Did you eat? Want me to get you a drink of anything?” Jared moved around Jensen to lock up.

Jensen felt the happy bubble of his good mood deflate slightly as he watched Jared move around him again to head to the kitchen. Frowning slightly, Jensen trailed after him. “What’s wrong? You won’t even touch me.” Jensen scratched along his chest wanting the happiness back that he’d felt just minutes before.

“I touched you,” Jared said. Heading to the cupboard and got a glass and poured Jensen some ice water. “Here, is your throat sore?” When he saw the way Jensen’s eyes were a little sad he leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. “Just tired, that’s all.”

Jensen had no real desire for the water but he took it anyway and forced down a few small sips before setting it on the counter. “Okay. Well, I’ll just go take a quick shower to rinse off the smell and you can head to bed.” He half smiled up at his husband before turning to head down the hall, tugging off his shirt to sniff. Yeah, it did smell smoky. He could see the lack of appeal in that.

Picking up the glass and bringing it with him Jared trailed along behind his husband. “So what friends?” He tried to keep a casual note in his voice even if he was absolutely going to try and remember their names in case he was bored at work.

“Alex and Zach, and Zach’s girlfriend Shira. Alex and Zach are both in my advanced Art class. Alex does welding though mostly, Zach is a fantastic sculptor. Not sure what Shira does but she’s sweet. Have you ever seen that hookah place down on eighth? It’s kind of creepy on the outside, inside looks completely different.” Jensen kicked off his shoes before working at his jeans and looking up at Jared. “I didn’t mean to be gone so long. Time just kind of slipped away.”

“Hey, s’alright. It’s good to go out with your friends.” Jared sat down on the end of the bed and fiddled with the glass of water. “I’m glad you had something to do.” Looking down at the water Jared took a sip; more for something to do than because he was thirsty.

“Yeah. It was a good change of pace. I’ll probably go out with them again some time.” Jensen shrugged and toed off his socks before crossing naked over to Jared. “Still too tired to take a second shower?” He grinned at his husband, reaching out to slide a hand through his hair.

“I’ll sit this one out. Hurry up and come cuddle me, I need Jensen love.” Jared smiled up at his husband and tried to shake off the way he always felt so protective of his husband.

“Well if naked me isn’t going to convince you than nothing well.” Jensen stepped back and shrugged again before heading for the shower.

He wanted to ask Jared about his day but there wasn’t much about the case he was allowed to discuss, or even really wanted to say. Jensen knew just like his mom Jared tried to spare him some of the more disturbing details of his job. But it was wearing on Jared and Jensen always felt the slight twinge of sadness for his husband that he felt obligated to always keep things inside like that.

So he showered quickly, scrubbing through his hair with shampoo and using too much body wash just to erase any of the smoky smell Jared had clearly not liked. The strange high type feeling had eased off by the time he was stepping out of the shower and drying himself off and now he just felt sleepy. Plus his throat felt a little sore so he hoped Jared had left the water in the room.

When he came out of the bathroom the lights were off and Jared was already in bed. Jensen crossed quickly to his side, smiling at the glass of water then and draining it in several long swallows before sliding under the sheets.

“You wanna talk about your day?” He asked quietly, shifting closer to Jared and laying a hand on his back.

Shrugging a shoulder Jared reached up to hold Jensen’s hand. “This guy’s makin’ us a little crazy. Would it bother you if I had a desk job one day? Something nice and boring?” He pulled his husband’s hand up to his mouth and kissed his palm. The smell of soap and Jensen was _much_ better.

“No. You’d be bored out of your mind but then I wouldn’t have to worry so much.” Jensen smiled softly and pressed up against Jared as he shifted, glad to feel the warmth of his body. “You’ll find him though. You guys always do. And then you can be all proud that you have a job that saves people’s lives.”

Humming his agreement Jared rolled over to face Jensen and slid an arm under his husband’s neck. “I’m glad you had fun tonight,” he murmured. Kissing a trail across Jensen’s mouth Jared smiled.

“Me too,” Jensen whispered back and tilted into the kiss, sliding his hand forward to touch Jared. “Didn’t make me miss you any less though.” He chuckled softly and let his hand settle on Jared’s chest, smiling at the content feeling he always got when Jared was near him.

“No?” Jared’s heart fluttered a little in his chest. “Maybe you still like me the most?” There was a crooked smile tugging at his lips and he buried his face in Jensen’s neck.

“Always like you the most. I think I talked about you the entire time.” Jensen chuckled at that and slid his arms around Jared to pull him close. “Hey, maybe next time you have a couple of days off we can have a BBQ so you can meet them. I know you like to know the people I associate with.”

“Sure, that’d be great. I can check all their I.D.s at the door and do criminal records checks on them.” Jared laughed softly knowing that it wasn’t a complete joke.

“That sounds like something you might do.” Jensen grinned and slid his hand down Jared’s hair, cupping along his chin and tilting his head back to kiss him softly once more. “It’s a good thing right? That I went out and did stuff?” Jensen did enjoy himself, which meant something, but a little reassurance never hurt.

“Yeah, sure it is. I mean. I’m always saying you should right?” Jared rolled his bottom lip under his teeth and bumped their noses together. “Can’t sit around waiting for me all the time; specially now.”

Jared was pretty torn about the whole thing. He loved the idea of Jensen going out and meeting people, making friends. And there was the other side of him who missed seeing Jensen’s face when he came home; wondered who he was with and what they were talking about.

“Well, I could. But maybe shouldn’t or something. Unhealthy.” Jensen scrunched up his face slightly and shook his head. “We’ve said it a million times but it’ll get better. You won’t always have huge cases like this. Alex said tonight that there must be something in the local water, considering how crazy it’s been recently with people.” Jensen stroked his fingers through Jared’s hair, humming softly. “And then Zach said it was probably the cow smell. Which was a valid point.”

“Could drive anyone a little crazy. Look at you. You grew up here.” Jared laughed and nestled down into the pillow.

“Shut up.” Jensen laughed and shoved slightly at Jared, curling back into him a moment later. “If anything you’re the crazy one. You married me after all.” Jensen grinned as he pressed his lips into Jared’s chest, shifting to find that place in his arms that always made him feel more complete.

“Go to sleep party animal.” Jared tucked Jensen’s head under his chin and closed his eyes.

“Whatever old man.” Jensen chuckled softly but closed his eyes as well, hand sliding onto Jared’s chest and drawing a small heart along his skin.

-=-=-=-

The fact that Jared got another Saturday off - the second in a row - made Jensen a bit giddy. Especially since he’d kind of epically failed with the first one and only part of the day had ended up relaxing. Now though they’d had a great morning, ran some errands together like any average couple, and were settling in to have an even greater afternoon. If things went Jensen’s way at least.

Jared was on the couch in the living room looking for a movie to put on and Jensen had used the excuse of the bathroom to go into their room and pull open the bottom drawer of the dresser. It wasn’t hard to find the collar, though their busy schedules had left it unused for awhile it was still one of Jensen’s favorite things. He snagged it and slid it on, easily fixing it into place before heading out into the living room once more.

“Find anything?” He asked and tried to hide his smirk as he dropped next to Jared on the couch in just his boxers and the collar. Yeah, a great afternoon indeed.

Jared glanced quickly over at Jensen and did a double-take. “Uh,” he dropped his gaze and licked his lips to hide his smile, “you going out?”

“Oh yeah. Gonna hit the streets, make a couple extra bucks, what do you think I’d go for?” Jensen slid his hand down his chest and smirked at his husband, fingers tucking under the elastic of his boxers.

Sucking in a deep breath Jared watched Jensen’s fingers moving just under the fabric. “You’re _not_ available.” Stretching his fingers out Jared ran the tips of them just along Jensen’s thigh.

“I’d be too expensive anyway.” Jensen laughed softly and shifted his legs a little wider apart, watching Jared’s hand move. Jensen had a thing about trying new things in their sex life and usually it went over pretty well. His latest idea had sparked into life not too long ago when he’d watched Jared putting away his weapon after work. Now he rolled his lower lip between his teeth and considered how to approach the topic with his husband.

“I should hope so,” Jared rolled slightly onto his side and moved his hand along Jensen’s waistband then up his husband’s arm. His skin was smooth and soft and Jared spent some time tracing lines from one freckle to another. When his finger finally reached Jensen’s collar bone he traced that too and then hooked his finger just under the collar. “What you been thinkin’ about?”

All the little teasing touches were almost too much for Jensen to take and he already felt far too worked up for his own good. But it made his tongue looser so that helped. “Well, you know how I like it rough sometimes. And I like you, forcing me, in a way that I’m still completely willing but.” Jensen flushed slightly and looked away, lifting his shoulder in a shrug. “I just thought, maybe you could try um. A different kind of forcing.”

Jared shifted a little closer and rested his chin on Jensen’s shoulder. “What d’ya mean? Like. What do you mean?” Jared wasn’t sure where his husband was going with the conversation.

The blush on Jensen’s cheeks intensified and he almost lost his nerve to say anything further. Almost. “I just um. Well. You have, a gun you know? And you could completely empty it totally but I just thought it would, I would, that you know.” He lifted his hand in a vague, nonsensical gesture then brought it to his cheek, hoping to find some relief for the heat burning there.

Jared sat up. "You want me to use my gun?" He felt his eyes widen and sank back against the arm of the couch. "No. I- No Jensen. I mean - I think I get what you're saying but that's ..." Jared sighed and dragged his hand back through his hair. Blinking a few times Jared noted the bright flush of embarrassment on his husband’s cheeks and smiled. “It’s not that it’s weird or wrong or anything,” he said softly.

Part of Jensen was surprised at how quickly Jared said no to the idea - only because he’d never shot down Jensen’s ideas before - but it took only seconds for him to realize how _foolish_ he’d been to suggest it. “No. It’s totally weird. And probably wrong. And really stupid of me to even say. I just. I don’t know. I saw you with your gun and it was hot and I, yeah.” He shrugged and shifted forward slightly on the couch, knowing his whole body was probably glowing red now and wishing he wasn’t just in boxers. This was why they had these talks _before_ getting into anything.

“Don’t say that, _God_. It’s just that it’s work and I mean - sometimes I have to deal with people who’ve been. At gunpoint. Look, I’m sorry; I shouldn’t put all that on you.” Jared reached out his fingers and hooked them over Jensen’s wrist. “You’re not totally weird or wrong and I think it’s kinda good that you think I’m hot like that.”

Sighing softly, Jensen rubbed at his cheek for a long moment before shrugging. “Yeah, I get why you wouldn’t like it. It’s okay. It was just a crazy idea, walk on the wild side or whatever.” Jensen still couldn’t quite get himself to look over at Jared so he shifted up to his feet, biting down on his lip hard for a moment. “I’ma get some water. Want something?”

"Jensen, come here." Jared sat forward on the edge of the couch and reached for his husband.

“Jared.” Jensen sighed his husband’s name but turned anyway, looking over at the TV as his hand slid through Jared’s. “It’s _fine_. Seriously. We don’t have to make a big deal out of this.” So this wasn’t going at all the way Jensen had planned, which was actually how his life tended to be.

“No. You can’t just come out here in your collar and hardly any clothes and talk about forcing and then go and get a glass of water like nothing happened.” Jared grabbed Jensen’s wrists hard and pulled him closer. “Now look at me,” he growled. He squeezed Jensen’s wrists _hard_.

Heat once more sparked in Jensen and even if part of him still didn’t want to meet Jared’s eyes he did. It took real effort not to look away immediately. “I know. I should have talked to you about it before. Now I’m feeling all stupid and wearing,” Jensen gestured to himself and groaned, shaking his head. “It was a silly idea, I mean, knowing what you do for work. Why would you even want that?”

Jared's hand whipped up to Jensen's collar and grabbed it so he could pull Jensen around and shove him back down onto the couch. His eyes narrowed as he crawled up over Jensen's body, covering him completely and holding the collar tightly. "You done? ‘Cause it looked to me like you came out here offering something." A slight smile tugged at Jared’s lips as he watched Jensen’s eyes darken.

Body twitching under Jared’s, Jensen’s breath caught in his throat and he stared up at Jared. “I don’t just give it all away you know.” It took real work not to smirk at that because _yeah_ , Jensen was such a slut for Jared it was insane.

"Don't need you to _give_ me anything." Jared tilted his head and pulled on the collar until Jensen's lips were almost touching his. "Maybe I'll just take what I want, you telling me you're gonna overpower _me_?" Closing his eyes Jared let his lips feather-touch across Jensen's. His own breathing was already faster and Jensen's was matching it. Jared could feel the warm puffs of air as his husband exhaled.

“I could try.” Jensen whispered and struggled to push up, capturing Jared’s lips in his. Even though he knew Jared was making it up to him, his fumbling through an embarrassing moment, he could feel Jared’s arousal in the moment too. Reminding Jensen they weren’t all that different, that this was still good between them. He rolled his hips up against Jared’s, moaning at the friction.

"See how easy it is?" Jared's voice was deep and rich -full of the lust that had sparked to life in him the moment he'd seen Jensen in the collar. "You _want_ it so bad." Sliding a hand down his husband's body Jared grabbed at the hard line of swollen flesh tenting the soft cotton of Jensen's boxers. "All for me and I've hardly even touched you. Think I can make you come without touching your skin?" Jared leaned forward to whisper against Jensen's ear then bit hard on his neck.

A low moan shook through Jensen and he arched up into Jared’s hand sliding cotton along his cock. “N-no.” He choked on the defiant request, trying and failing to put force behind the word. His body gave everything away though, the race of his heart, the way his lips parted to release slight puffs of air each time he exhaled. He had to bite down on his lip to keep from moaning Jared’s name, fingers curling hard around his husband’s arm.

“No I can’t do it? No you don’t want me to try?” Jared’s fingers ran over the material and he could _feel_ the heat of Jensen’s arousal. Jensen was hot; there was no other way to describe him - he was just _sexy_ and Jared could stare down at him like this for hours. Even the fierce little streak of resistance that Jensen always clung to was appealing. Maybe more than Jared admitted. Pinning Jensen back down to the sofa with a hand around the collar Jared stared into his eyes. “Which is it?”

Jensen’s vision blurred for a moment as he sucked in a breath and stared up at Jared, blinking a few times to try and gain some ability to speak. “You can’t- can’t make me come.” He rolled his body up once more into Jared’s hand, body going along with whatever Jared wanted even as he forced himself to say otherwise. “Not, not without touching my skin.” There was the slightest constricting pressure on his neck from the pull of the collar and Jensen nearly whimpered at the intensity of the feeling and the heat in Jared’s eyes.

“So easy,” Jared murmured. Of course, he was already coming up with ways to cheat, after all, he’d said not touching his skin. Jared figured it was Jensen’s bad choice for coming out with no shirt on - that just meant the gorgeous golden brown skin of his chest was free game. Crawling backwards slightly Jared nipped his way down his husband’s chest then stopped to flick his tongue lightly over a dusky rose colored nipple.

“Jared.” Jensen gasped and forced his body not to jerk up into Jared’s lips. Oh he was so screwed; Jared was going to have him coming in record timing really if he kept this up. Jensen would be lucky if he lasted a few more minutes. The way Jared took control of the moment, especially here on the couch that he’d always think of as their beginning place, where their relationship first came to be.

Rolling Jensen's nipple between his teeth Jared slid his palm hard against his husband's boxers. Jensen's body was in constant motion under Jared; writing, twisting and at the same time shuddering as he tried to keep some control over himself. Jared smiled and pulled back from the hard nub of flesh. "You remember how we used to make out on the couch? You made me want you _so_ much. When I sent you home at night I would jerk off in the shower."

Jared's voice had dropped to a low growl as he thought about those long nights of kissing and touching. "Made me want to fuck you so hard," he whispered against Jensen's abs. He could feel his husband's muscles flutter and ripple and cast his eyes upwards to watch as Jensen's chest rose and fell quickly.

“God.” Jensen panted heavily at Jared’s words and closed his eyes, tilting his hips up toward Jared. “Yeah. I remember, I-” he cut off for a moment, needing to pull in a sharp breath to keep himself for begging or pleading his husband for more. “Used to drive me crazy. Used to jack off at home, used-” Jensen lifted his head slightly to stare at his husband, bending his arm under his head to keep it propped up. “First time I fingered myself open, I spent the whole time imagining you doing it.”

Jared moaned and dropped his mouth to Jensen's flesh to suck hard at the flesh just above the waist band of his boxers. The blood drew up quickly to the surface and heat blossomed against Jared lips and tongue. Lapping at the flesh he released his hold and pulled back slightly to look at the lovely mark. "You just want it all the time, and you know what? You're not getting what you want tonight."

Sinking back down Jared rubbed his palm hard against Jensen's cock. Through the cotton he could feel the heat, could feel how hard his husband was and _knew_ that he was over-stimulated and _way_ too turned on to win _this_ challenge. Rocking his own hips down hard against the couch Jared sucked, kissed and licked his way back and forth across Jensen's body, dipping his tongue into the belly button. Every time Jensen thrust up Jared would push him back down; if he tried to pull away, Jared held on to him and all the time he pressed and rubbed his palm against the bulge in his husband's boxers.

For every move Jensen made Jared had a counter move and the heat of that made Jensen shuddering. “Jared,” he gasped and slid his hand down, curling into Jared’s hair. Screw trying to play up the defiant rule, he was far too gone for that right now. “Please.” He always wanted more, they both knew it, just like Jensen knew it would take a lot to gain any control over the situation. And really didn’t want Jared handing over that control.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try though. “Want, please Jared. Want you.” Jensen’s finger nails dug into Jared’s scalp, unsure if he wanted to try and pull Jared up to him or push him down to his aching cock.

"No," Jared whispered against Jensen's skin. "You're gonna come like this." He tilted his chin up to study his husband's face. "I can see it." Jared's hand moved constantly, slowly, teasing, thumb rubbing a small circle over the damp spot near the head of Jensen's cock. Stretching up again he rested half on Jensen's body and sucked the skin just below his husband's ear. "You're all flushed, Jensen. Biting your lip and your hips are twitching. You want to come so badly." Jared's fingers squeezed and let go, stroked the cotton boxers and then pulled back to trail along the waistband. He made sure that Jensen never knew where to expect his hand.

“Fuck.” Jensen spat and strained to shift his body up, wanting that friction back. He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip without thinking about it and blinked up at Jared, reaching up to touch his cheek. “Kiss me.” He begged softly, rolling his body along the couch. Jared was probably right, he was going to come at any moment, and it was both maddening and thrilling to know Jared knew his body so well as to predict it. “Please,” he gasped, humming a moan softly.

The soft plea in Jensen's tone drew Jared in like a magnet. Crushing his mouth against his husband's he thrust his tongue forward and filled the wet heat of the man's mouth. He knew that Jensen wanted to be fucked and _God_ there wasn't a single cell of Jared's body that didn't want that but there was always time for that. _This?_ Watching Jensen like this, seeing the want and need written all over his husband's face was well worth the dull ache in Jared's balls.

As his tongue swept through his husband's mouth Jared dropped his hand again to the hard flesh under Jensen's boxers. Pressing hard he rubbed and stroked and then moaned into their kiss.

It was probably Jared’s mouth and the moan that followed that finally sent Jensen over the edge. He felt young all over again, coming in his boxers just from the slide of Jared’s palm over the material. He keened into the kiss and fell back, spine twisting up as he rode out the wave of his release.

His hands tightened around Jared’s arm and he moaned his husband’s name, losing all ability to keep himself quiet at the moment. His moan echoed around the room and he closed his eyes, noise growing louder when Jared just continued to rub him over his boxers, pulling him through the last of his release.

“God you’re gorgeous,” Jared murmured. Sliding his hand up Jensen’s sweat damp chest he stopped at his cheek and turned his husband’s face to place a tender kiss on his lips. “Love you so much.”

“Mm love you too.” Jensen exhaled slowly into the kiss, tilting up slightly to press his lips longer against Jared’s. His hand slid down Jared’s body and his lips twitched into a slight smile. “S’gonna be a good afternoon huh?”

“Oh yes, Jensen. It is.” Jared smiled and rolled to the side pulling Jensen with him onto the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

Being social turned out to be kind of exhausting. Or at least being social when you were friends with Alex and Zach, who seemed to not have gotten over the party phase yet. And Jensen’s real problem? He was a sucker for peer pressure in the absolute worse way. So by the fourth time they were hanging out together he was already giving in to things he wouldn’t necessarily go along with.

Only, he wanted to prove to Jared that he’d be okay out on his own, that he could make friend’s and if they moved out of Greeley for Jared’s work, Jensen would be okay. And Alex and Zach were nice, Shira was sweet too. Jensen met a few of their other friend’s but he hadn’t tried to memorize their names. Even going out with them just a couple of times a week was enough to wear on him a bit but he at least had fun.

That Saturday Jared had to go in to catch up on some paperwork that he was seriously behind on. So Jensen went shopping with Shira, not buying but helping the girl pick out a selection of new outfits that would look best on her. They ended up back at the house she shared with the two boys, trying not to feel too weird about being there in a home he was so unfamiliar with.

While they fussed around making dinner Jensen was TV browsing and caught sight of a news report that was discussing yet another body found on campus. Jensen could see his mom and Jared in the background of the video and frowned, knowing how Jared would be upset at another body turning up. He knew Jared wouldn’t be able to answer but he called him anyway, slipping into the bathroom to leave a message.

“Hey you. I saw the news, I know you’ve got to be feeling down. It’s not your fault though. Just, I love you. Try not to overwork yourself too much. I’m hanging out at Shira’s place but call me if you can. Love you.”

After he hung up he splashed some water on his face, wishing there was more he could offer his husband. It was exhausting carrying around that sort of worry on your husband’s behalf. Sometimes Jensen felt like he was thirty, older maybe, certainly levels ahead maturity wise of these people he was hanging out with. Which meant they were the kind of people he would be immature with. Maybe a dose of immaturity would be good for Jensen.

-=-=-=-

As it turned out, not all doses of immaturity were good. Jensen wasn’t even sure how they talked him into smoking with them, and the pot thing wasn’t even that bad. But then he’d just felt loose and relaxed and laughing a lot and he hadn’t even thought anything about taking the pill Alex offered him. Then... things got weird. And not in a good way.

Zach and Shira disappeared into their bedroom but Jensen barely noticed. The room was spinning unpleasantly, the colors too bright, the TV too loud. He didn’t know what time it was, only that it was dark outside. Alex was talking on the phone to someone at some point, and then disappearing into his room with a girl a little while later. And suddenly Jensen was alone in a place he’d never been, tripping badly on some drug he didn’t know the name of and close to tears at the level of fear in him.

When Jensen stood the room spun slightly, everything swirling together, but Jensen forced himself forward, reaching out until he touched the front door and was able to let himself outside. The night air was cool on his skin and Jensen sucked in a shaky breath before dropping down on the front step and pulling out his phone.

He was torn between calling Jared or calling Chris. If Jared was still in Ft. Collins there wasn’t anything he would be able to do. And if he found out what was wrong, what Jensen had done, things would only get worse for him. But then, Jensen was maybe freaking out a little bit and everything was too loud or too bright and he couldn’t think of anyone he wanted more than Jared right now.

In the end he decided to call Jared and find out where he was first. And it was a good thing Jared was first on the speed dial because Jensen could barely see his phone enough to make out the time, let alone anything else. He sucked in a deep breath and held it, praying Jared would answer.

Jared flipped his phone into his hand and saw Jensen’s ID flash. “Donna? It’s Jen - gonna take it.” Jared smiled at his partner and walked back toward the car as he lifted the phone to his ear.

“Hey Jen,” Jared answered softly. “I miss you.”

Jensen inhaled shakily and closed his eyes, tucking his head down to lay on his knees, phone pressing into his ear. “I- I miss you too. Do you- are you still out?” He was trying to keep his voice from shaking, wishing more than anything that Jared was there with him, or that he’d never been so stupid in the first place.

“Out? Yeah. Jensen. Are you okay?” Whenever Jensen was upset about something Jared could tell. Years together had taught them both all the fine nuances of each other’s voices and words. “Where are you?”

“At Zach’s. I just.” Jensen exhaled slowly and rubbed the heel of his palm into his eye. If he could just get everything to stop spinning that would be so much better. “Jared? I did something really stupid.”

Leaning back against the car Jared crossed his feet at the ankles and pressed his thumb and finger hard into his eyes. “Jensen. Are you _okay_?” Jared pretty much didn’t care what Jensen had done as long as he was safe.

“Um. Yes? No. I don’t know. It’s okay. I’m okay, I just, messed up. But you’re working. I can call Chris to come get me.” There was no way he was going back in, even if these were his friend’s he wasn’t about to walk in on either of them involved with others at the moment. “I’m okay. Sorry. I know this is a tough night. Saw you on TV.”

Dropping his hand Jared looked out over the flashing lights and people milling about the crime scene. “Jensen? Are you high?”

Jared clearly knew him too well. “I um. Yes, maybe. No, I am. And they gave something else. I don’t know what it was. I’m sorry, I’m _really_ sorry. I just can’t stop shaking and everything’s really bright and weird.” Jensen sighed shakily and waited for Jared’s disappointment. He felt so stupid and foolish and he wasn’t going to make Jared’s night any easier.

“Can you call Chris? You can do that? I need to know you’re okay.” Jared’s brow furrowed and he kicked at the sidewalk in front of him. He really didn’t need to be trying to deal with this on top of everything else.

Sighing softly Jensen rubbed at his brow and nodded. “I’ll call Chris. Sorry. I’m really sorry Jared. Don’t be mad at me okay?” He could practically feel the tension and wished he’d called Chris first.

“I’m not mad, Jensen. Can you get Chris to call me when he’s there please?” Jared’s voice was quiet.

“Yeah okay. I will. Don’t tell my mom Jared, please?” Jensen didn’t need the extra person to disappoint tonight.

“I’m not gonna tell anyone, Jensen.” Jared sighed and shook his head. “I love you. I’ll be home as soon as I can.” Without waiting for another word Jared shut off his phone and headed back over to talk to Donna.

Jensen listened to the silence for awhile and tried to keep himself from feeling sick. If Jared really wasn’t mad at him then Jensen was plenty mad for the both of them. It took him awhile to pull up the phone and hit the fourth speed dial, bracing himself for the conversation to come. Chris was going to be mad, no doubt about that.

“Jensen? What the hell man it’s almost one.” Chris didn’t sound asleep over the line so Jensen could only figure he’d interrupted him during something important.

“I need you to come get me.” Jensen sighed softly and hugged his legs close to his body.

“Come get you? Where are you?”

“A friend’s. I uh, I don’t have a car? And um, I’m not, I. Chris? I did some stuff. Everything is really off right now and I just want to go home.” Jensen was once more bracing himself, knowing Chris’ anger would be far more tangible than Jared, who had to keep his cool at the crime scene.

“Jesus _Christ_ Jensen, what the hell were you thinking?” Chris sighed heavily and Jensen could hear things shifting in the background. “What’s the address?”

“I’ll text it. I’m sorry Chris.” Jensen sighed and hung up before Chris could say anything more.

It took a great deal of his energy to text the address to his friend and then he collapsed down onto his knees once more, slipping out of consciousness.

-=-=-=-

“Jensen? Wake up. Jensen.”

Jensen woke to something poking his side and he sat up quickly, wishing he hadn’t a moment later. “Fuck.” He gasped and closed his eyes quickly against the spinning.

“God, you are one stupid fuck.” Chris grumbled and hooked his arm under Jensen’s body, pulling him up to his feet. “You know who does this type of shit? Seventeen year olds Jensen. Not married men who are supposed to be responsible and mature. What the hell?”

“Chris?” Jensen slumped slightly against his friend’s side. “Can you just, shut up? Because, seriously. I’m well aware how stupid I was. I just want to go home and sleep.”

“What did you take? How much? Think I should take you to ER?” Chris helped him into the passenger seat and Jensen had to bite back a groan as he looked over and saw Chris’ girlfriend in the middle.

“Hey Lexi,” he half smiled at her and she smiled back, reaching out to pat his arm.

“Jensen, hospital?” Chris reminded as he slid into the driver’s seat, eying Jensen.

“No. I’m okay. It’s already wearing off and it wasn’t much. Just home, please.” Jensen turned away to lean his head against the glass, closing his eyes for just a moment.

Once more he was poked awake and now they were at his house, he’d never been more relieved to see it, even if Jared wasn’t going to be inside. Chris tried to help him in but Jensen waved him off, sparing himself further embarrassment. He managed to stumble inside and down two large glasses of water, not bothering with lights as he slid a hand along the wall to their bedroom.

The bed had never seemed so big and empty as it did then. He fumbled around in the laundry until he could find a semi-clean shirt Jared had last worn and tugged it on, breathing in his husband’s familiar smell and sliding under the covers on his side of the bed. It was the closest he could currently get to Jared so he’d take it.

-=-=-=-

Jared woke up early. He hadn’t slept well. The crime scene was on an endless loop in his mind and Jensen was restless, sweating and kept moaning quietly as though he was dreaming. And, yeah, Jared was pissed. Not really _at_ Jensen but at the situation. It was stupid behavior and he was pretty sure that Jensen knew that - but God, when he’d finally made it home about an hour after Chris assured him that Jensen was fine; it took a lot of will power not to wake Jensen up and have it out.

Seven in the morning came and went and Jared had to admit defeat at about nine and slide out from under his still-sleeping husband to get up. The first thing he did was head to the kitchen and put some coffee on and fill up a cold glass of water for Jensen.

Leaning against the counter in the kitchen he started at the coffee pot as it sputtered and popped and tried to figure out what he was going to say. The last thing he needed was a big blow up fight or to be accused of trying to _parent_ his husband. It was rare that Jared didn’t know how to talk to Jensen and that, in itself, was a little unsettling.

When the coffee was made Jared poured two cups and managed to balance two mugs and a glass of water as he headed back down the hall to the bedroom. Setting the mug and glass down on the night stand Jared sat by Jensen’s feet. “Jensen? Get up.”

Before Jensen even opened his eyes he was well aware of how sore his throat felt and how his head was pounding slightly. He could feel the weight of Jared sitting, dipping the mattress slightly and he risked blinking his eyes open, looking up at him. “Hi,” he whispered, wishing he could escape the reality of what had happened for just a little while longer.

“There’s water there. And a coffee if you can stomach it.” Jared nodded at the night stand. “How are you feeling?” Jensen sure as hell didn’t _look_ very well.

“Like shit.” Jensen mumbled and rolled slightly, reaching out to grab the glass of water and shifting back until he was up enough to drink it without spilling. He glanced over at the clock and frowned at the early time before looking back at his husband. “When did you get home?”

“Late, I had to clear up some stuff with your mom after Chris called me. Didn’t want to wake you up.” Jared saw the look on Jensen’s face and dropped his gaze. “And, no I didn’t tell Donna. I figured Chris was pissed enough for your entire family.” Sitting back a little Jared looked up at his husband again.

Jensen slowly nodded and took a few more sips of the water. “Yeah, he was pretty upset with me.” Jensen had the misfortune of remembering the entire night in vivid detail and he knew he’d have to call Chris sometime soon to apologize and thank him. “So. Are you upset with me?” He stared down at his water glass, finding it easier to look at currently.

“I’m pretty pissed, yeah. What happened?” Jared had realized that he was only _really_ upset because the entire situation seemed so out-of-character for Jensen. It wasn’t that his husband didn’t like to have fun; everyone did - but it was rare for Jensen to make stupid choices.

“I don’t know. I just, they were smoking and, it didn’t seem like such a big deal. So they kept saying it would be okay and I just went along with it. Then I felt good. Really good. And happy, relaxed. It was nice to not think about everything for awhile and just have fun. So I guess I didn’t even really think about it when they offered more.” Jensen rubbed along his neck for a moment like it would ease the ache of his throat before drinking more water.

So. Jensen just wanted to relax and not think. _Great._ Tilting his head slightly Jared looked down at his jeans and fiddled with the seam. “So what was the more?”

“I’m not really sure.” Jensen admitted with a slight wince, knowing that was really the kicker there. He knew better than to do anything without knowing what it was, and at this point it was just a miracle things hadn’t turned out worse. “They just said it would be cool. And I wasn’t going to but, they just kept offering so I did.” Jensen set his water glass back down and pulled his legs up to his chest, trying to find comfort in curling up as tight as possible.

“You didn’t know- fuck. Okay.” Jared shook his head and stood up. Pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes for a few moments he took a step back. “Well. I took today off, wasn’t sure if you were okay. You slept like shit.” Dropping his arms he walked over to grab his coffee of the nightstand.

“Don’t go.” Jensen finally turned his gaze up to Jared, blinking back the tears in his eyes. “Please Jared, I’m sorry. I know I fucked up; it was stupid and childish of me. Just, stay with me now. Talk to me.” He’d never been angrier at himself and he wished he could go back and relive the moment to make better choices.

“What do you want me to say Jensen?” Jared took a sip of his coffee then put the cup down when he realized his hand was shaking.

“I don’t know. Tell me what you’re thinking. Tell me how I can make this better.” Jensen wiped at his cheeks and inhaled shakily. “I don’t like it when you’re upset with me.”

"You don't have to make anything up to me. You can do stupid shit if you want. That's entirely up to you." Jared folded his arms. "You're lucky nothing went wrong and your Mom never found out - Donna would have your ass. And Mack? Jesus - you want Mack to think it's okay to do shit like that. You know what? I don't _know_ what to say to you. I've known since you were seventeen and you've never done anything like this - and I don't know what to say now. Why? Why did you take something when you didn't even know what it was?"

“I don’t know. I trusted them I guess. And I just, it was nice not to be normal for awhile. It was nice not to worry and obsess over everything. I’ve been grown up for years now and I guess I just wanted to do something a little reckless for once.” Jensen pursed his lips, staring hard down at the bed. “You’re gone all the time, I’m always at home worrying about you, and I saw that thing on the TV, about the body they found, and I saw you. I knew it was going to be another long night and I just thought it might make it better.”

“So this is my fault?” Jared smiled wryly and tilted his head back to blink up at the ceiling for a few moments. “See? This. This is what I was talking about before. I just thought that you meeting people wouldn’t mean you’d end up whacked out of your fucking tree at one am while I’m trying to deal with a god damned dead body without telling your Mom why I’m upset.” Jared turned and headed toward the door. “I’ve gotta go. I can’t. You just. Yeah.”

Jensen moved faster than he thought he could, clambering out of the bed and hurrying after Jared. “Don’t. You don’t get to fucking leave because whenever we fight and I go to leave you say we can’t. We can’t just walk out on each other like this. Jared, please.” Jensen wiped angrily at the tears on his cheeks, quickening his pace to grab Jared’s arm. “You can’t leave now. It’s not fair.”

Jared pulled his arm away and held it up for a moment before grabbing a handful of his hair. “Just. Don’t - give me a minute. I’m trying not to be angry and I’m tired. I’m _so_ tired Jensen. You know - I was standing there last night and that kid was dead and all I was worried about was if _you_ were okay. I can’t do this. And it’s not your fault. You shouldn’t have to live like this - you spent your childhood like that with your mom - and now - you’re so stressed out and ... _fuck._ ” Jared let himself fall back against the wall and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to see the tears on Jensen’s face because all it made him want was his husband in his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m just tired. I’ll get over it. You have every right to go out and do what you wanna do.”

“No, I really don’t. You should be pissed at me. It was stupid what I did. Jared, just.” Jensen sighed and hesitated for a moment before stepping forward, circling his arms around Jared’s middle and holding him tightly. “I’ve always know what you are and what that means. And I still chose you okay? This is the life I want, I don’t want to party all the time and do drugs or whatever. I just want _you_. If you want to be angry with me then be angry, I deserve it. You just can’t leave. You can’t say things like _I can’t do this_ because that makes it sound like you’re giving up on us and that can’t happen okay? So please? Just, come back to bed. We can sleep all day.” Jensen buried his face in Jared’s shoulder to hide the tears still streaming from his cheeks.

Jared’s hand settled automatically on the back of Jensen’s neck. “Jesus, Jensen I didn’t mean it like that. I’d never give up - not like that.” Sighing, Jared dropped his lips to his husband’s hair. “I’m not leaving you, or us. Okay? I’m just mad. I’m pissed off and tired and bitchy. Okay?” Jared hooked two fingers under Jensen’s chin and tilted his head up. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Jensen whispered, blinking up at Jared through tears. “I promise I’m not doing something like that ever again okay? No drugs. Never again. I’m so sorry. I just,” Jensen shrugged and reached up to cup Jared’s jaw, frowning slightly before dropping his hand and stepping away. “Do you still need to go? I could go, and you could sleep.” His chest was aching slightly and part of him kind of wanted Jared to just yell at him, be mad and get it out of his system so they could be better again.

Wrapping his arm around Jensen’s shoulder Jared pulled him into his arms. “I don’t need to go,” he said softly. “Just. I’m glad you called me last night. And you can make your own choices about stuff like that. Not gonna get all after-school-special on you, okay? Just be careful. ‘Cause if something happened to you because I wasn’t there-” Jared’s cleared his throat and buried his face in his husband’s soft hair.

“I know.” Jensen closed his eyes and sighed softly, leaning into Jared’s warmth. “You probably should be mad though. I mean, I don’t _want_ you to be, but maybe I need someone to remind me that I can fuck up. I never went through that in high school. After dad died it was just like, I was a grown up and I’ve never stopped since. So I’m, I don’t know, immature in other ways. And I never did the stupid stuff most people do.” Jensen pulled back slightly and looked up at Jared. “Don’t you ever get tired being grown up?”

“Every day,” Jared murmured. Blowing out a breath Jared let his head thud back against the wall. “God. I should go in and help Donna if you’re okay but you know? I really don’t want to.”

Jensen was torn about the idea. On one hand he didn’t want his mom to be stuck doing all the work alone but the last thing he wanted was Jared to leave. Jensen frowned and look down at his feet. “Which part of me should answer that?”

“The part that’s going to persuade me to stay here.” Jared’s voice was quiet, his eyes locked on Jensen’s. He wanted to just sleep, hold his husband and - just like Jensen - pretend the world outside didn’t exist for a little while.

“Okay.” Jensen smiled softly and curled his fingers around Jared’s wrist, tugging him down the hall. “I’m not okay; I need you to stay with me today okay? I just, I miss you so much sometimes it’s insane.” Jensen shrugged and pulled Jared into the bedroom. “Plus, you need sleep.”

Jared let himself be pulled across the room and shucked off his jeans beside the bed then climbed in. “Are you wearing my shirt again?” He smiled softly at his husband.

“Yes.” Jensen admitted with a slight nod and smiled, climbing into bed and instantly pressing against Jared’s side. “Thought it might make me feel better.” He pulled at Jared’s arm so he could tuck against his side and laid his head on his husband’s chest. “Jared?”

“Yeah?” Jared curled his arm over Jensen’s back and rubbed his hand in small circles.

“Do you forgive me? I know you keep saying it was my choice and stuff but just, I really am sorry.” Jensen turned his head slightly to press his lips to Jared’s chest.

“Nothing to forgive. I’ve done stupid things - I’m pretty sure you could list some. You may want to apologize to Chris. Man. He was pissed.” Jared laughed softly.

“Yeah I know. But Lexi was with him, so I’m pretty sure that might have been part of the anger thing.” Jensen closed his eyes, frowning into Jared’s shirt. “We’re okay?”

“We’re always okay. Even when we fight Jensen. Didn’t go through that wedding to give you up.” Jared was teasing and he pulled Jensen closer so he could kiss his temple and make sure his husband knew that.

“Our wedding was perfect.” Jensen pointed out with a grin and hooked his leg over Jared’s, relaxing into him. “Let’s not wake up for awhile. Think we can sleep until tomorrow morning? Or just like, wake up for sex then go back to sleep.”

“Whatever you want Jensen. Your wish is my command.” Jared was already feeling better and he couldn’t help closing his eyes and settling back down into the bed.

“Mm. Okay.” Jensen chuckled quietly and closed his eyes, letting the gentle rise and fall of Jared’s chest pull him back to sleep.

-=-=-=-

For a few days things went smoothly for Jared and Jensen. Well, as smoothly as things ever went when Jared was working a big case. Jared had spoken to Donna and they’d worked out a way for him to go in before her and leave earlier so that he could try and be home most evenings with Jensen. At least they could actually go to bed at the same time.

Jared had left work for an appointment early so even though it was only Thursday he was heading home in time for dinner. Jensen wasn’t going to believe it. Jared had even managed to avoid Jensen’s calls without too much suspicion.

Shoving the door open with his hip Jared tossed his keys on the table. “Jensen!?” Jared dropped his packages on the floor and winced when he stood up. Moving his arms slowly he was still easing his way out of his jacket and grimacing when Jensen came around the corner.

“You’re home. And it’s still light out.” Jensen grinned at his husband and headed down the hall, pushing up slightly to kiss him hello. “I’m shocked. Pleasantly so. And glad I made dinner.” It was a great surprise to have Jared home but Jensen noticed the look on his face and his smile dimmed slightly. “Are you hurt?”

“Yes,” Jared winced and then laughed. “Mortally wounded because of my love for you.” Finally shrugging out of his jacket he went to hand it up and decided to just hang it on the door knob.

“Uh,” Jensen’s eyes widened slightly and his lips twitched a smile on and off his lips. “Not sure what to make of that. What happened? Trip over your own feet thinking about fucking me or something?” He chuckled softly at the idea, laying his hand on Jared’s arm.

“Nothing quite so - accidental.” Jared grinned and headed down the hallway pulling Jensen along with him. “How was your day?” He was pretty pleased with himself and the idea of actually being able to _shock_ Jensen was damn appealing.

Jensen watched Jared’s back suspiciously and followed him willingly. “It was okay. How about yours? Oh, I saw you and mom on TV today when I was getting coffee. You two are going to be famous by the time you wrap up this case.” Jensen was beyond curious as to what his husband was talking about before but he knew he’d find out, probably soon. They weren’t always the best at keeping secrets from each other.

“God, I know. I hate doing media stuff but we _really_ need some help and Donna has this theory that some people might respond to me.” Jared grinned over his shoulder. “She says I’m pretty. Am I pretty?” Tugging Jensen over to the couch Jared sat down and pulled his husband onto his lap. “I missed you.”

“You’re fucking gorgeous.” Jensen laughed softly and shifted around to face Jared, a sharp thrill shooting through him like it always did when he was on his husband’s lap. “And I missed you too. Don’t get to see your face in the daylight that often.” Jensen dipped forward to capture Jared’s lips in a kiss, fingers sliding through his hair.

Groaning softly Jared laughed and caught Jensen’s shoulder. “Careful,” he muttered and shifted a little to slide his open mouth over his husbands. He tasted like chocolate, which was just somehow fitting.

Jensen moaned quietly into the kiss for just a moment before pulling back, eying Jared suspiciously once more. “What’s going on? Why am I being careful?” His eyes fluttered down Jared’s body, instantly curious just how damaged he might be.

“I got you a present.” Jared smiled and rubbed his thumb along Jensen’s bottom lip.

“What kind of present?” Jensen turned slightly to catch Jared’s thumb with his tongue, dragging his teeth along the pad a moment later.

Humming softly Jared let his eyes close. “Hmmm? Oh. Well, you’ll find it sooner or later. I think you might have to wait a while before you can... use it.” Jared shrugged and slid his hand to Jensen’s hip. “It’s so nice to be home in daylight.”

“Use it?” Jensen’s eyebrows lifted slightly, mind spinning all over the place looking for some clue. “Find it huh? Where would I find it?” His hand slid down from Jared’s hair to his neck, curving against the muscle then pulling forward so their lips could meet again.

Moaning quietly Jared tilted his head slightly and let the heat of Jensen’s palm warm him. Biting his bottom lip, Jared smiled slightly when Jensen’s hand ran down the middle of his chest.

“I’m very suspicious of you Mr. Pada-” Jensen’s words cut off as he slid his hand to the side and bumped into something that clearly shouldn’t be there and had Jared sucking in a hissed breath. His eyes widened slowly and locked on Jared’s. “No. Way.” Before Jared could answer he was fumbling for the buttons along his shirt, trying to resist just yanking the material open to see if it was what he thought it was.

The material _finally_ slid open and Jensen shoved the shirt open to the left, staring wide eyed down at the nipple ring there. “Holy _fuck_ Jared. You got- _Jesus_.” Jensen could hardly believe his eyes; he never thought Jared would get something pierced like that. Heat flared sharp and intense through Jensen and he thought he might actually be drooling, too stunned to close his mouth.

Laughing Jared lifted a finger to Jensen’s chin to push his mouth closed. “It hurt a lot. Much more than getting shot for the record. Brad gave me all these rule about taking care of it but he says when it feels good - you can... you know. Do stuff to it.” Sucking in a deep breath Jared settled down into the couch and slid Jensen higher on his lap. “Do you like it?”

“Like it?” Jensen finally pulled his eyes away from the ring and looked back at Jared. “Jesus Jared, that’s fuckin’ _hot_.” Jensen laughed softly and lifted a finger, tracing a circle just outside the ring. “How long until it heals?” He could think of plenty of things to do involve that nipple ring and his husband.

“He said it depends. But when it feels okay I’m good.” There was a flush on Jensen’s cheeks that Jared liked. _Very much._ “See? You’re not the only one who can be adventurous.” He still remembered the first time he’d seen Jensen’s tattoo and how hot that was.

“I, yeah. Wow. You just. _Man_ I would have loved to see that. Man. How did you even decide to do this?” Jensen shifted back slightly and dipped down, pressing a small kiss just under the ring.

Jared felt a shiver of pleasure run through him and his flesh came alive under Jensen’s touch. “Thought you would like it, give you a little way to work me over.” He moaned as Jensen’s hands slid over his skin. “Oh Shit,” he murmured and laughed. “Don’t, don’t turn me on.” His nipple was stiffening and it burned. Jared laughed louder and pulled Jensen in against his chest.

“If a side effect of the nipple ring is not being turned on until it heals then fuck that.” Jensen chuckled softly and kissed his way up Jared’s chest, sucking along his neck and up to his jaw. “God you’re hot. I love that you did that.” He rolled his hips against Jared’s, sliding his lips parted along Jared’s neck.

Growling quietly Jared dug his thumbs hard into Jensen’s thighs and let his head fall back. “You know what I think?” His voice was deep and gravelly.

“If it’s anything close to what I’m thinking, count me in.” Jensen chuckled softly, sliding his lips down lower to suck a mark along Jared’s skin that could easily be hidden by his work shirt.

Moaning loudly Jared slid down a little and rocked his hips up to press against Jensen’s ass. “I think I need a blow job,” he growled. “You know, to make me feel better.” Smiling, Jared blinked slowly and lifted a hand to cup his husband’s jaw.

“Oh yeah, my poor darling husband had to suffer through so much pain today, I definitely have to make it up to you.” Jensen grinned and turned into Jared’s touch, kissing his palm before sliding back, sinking down onto his knees on the floor. “You just sit back and enjoy, I’ll make all the pain go away.” He grinned up at Jared, spreading his legs apart with hands along the inside of his thighs.

Humming low and long Jared sank back into the soft cushions and stared down at Jensen. “I can do that.” The way Jensen’s hands moved over him made Jared _instantly_ hard and more than enough turned on to feel the burn and bite of pain just under his nipple ring.

“I’m sure you can.” Jensen chuckled softly and slid his hands up along Jared’s thighs, curving over the heat of his cock and massaging slowly. “God Jared, you’re so fuckin’ hot sometimes it’s a miracle I don’t jump you in public.” He grinned up at his husband before pushing forward, kissing softly under the nipple ring once more and sliding down, fingers tucking under Jared’s jeans and pulling at the button.

Body arching up off the couch Jared moaned and twisted his back slightly. “You do,” he muttered.

Jensen laughed quietly against Jared’s skin and kissed his way down Jared’s body, pulling the zipper down as he moved. He didn’t even bother removing Jared’s clothes, letting him keep the shirt on and push at the open fly of his jeans just enough to slip Jared’s hard cock free from his boxers. “Been awhile since I’ve tasted you,” Jensen murmured and dipped down, sliding his tongue along the leaking slit, gathering up Jared’s taste. “Missed it.” He glanced up at Jared before parting his lips and sinking down over Jared’s cock, sucking him all the way in.

Jared's hands clawed at the end of the couch cushion as he gasped in a huge breath of air. The heat of Jensen's mouth awakened every single nerve-ending in his body and sent Jared's heart rate skyrocketing. "Jensen," he murmured, "killin' me."

His hand slid up the opening in his shirt from and stopped just below the nipple piercing. The burn was still there and Jared found that he was already imagining what it would feel like to have Jensen's lips on the ring. His hips thrust up slightly and he moaned. The slick slide of Jensen’s lips was sending ripples of pleasure radiating outwardly on Jared’s body.

Moaning around the heat and flesh in his mouth Jensen flicked his tongue along the length of him, pulling up slowly and letting just his teeth barely graze along the head. “Fantastic way go to go.” Jensen chuckled softly, staring up for a moment at Jared before pushing forward and crushing their lips together, fingers stroking slowly along the spit slick of Jared’s cock before falling back to his calves and bending to suck Jared in once more. He always loved this, sucking Jared in and letting him fill his mouth. It was one of the best sensations and Jensen was long since perfected pulling him in from top to base.

“Fuck,” Jared whispered. He was still tasting Jensen’s kiss when his husband’s mouth was already all the way down to the base of his cock. There was no way to stop himself from thrusting up slightly and even the slightest movement of Jared’s hips made his pleasure spin out of control.

Another moan pulled through Jensen and his fingers slid down to tuck under Jared’s ass, lifting him slightly off the couch, encouraging him to thrust once more. His eyes closed as he bobbed his head, pulled almost completely off and let Jared thrust back up and in. As always Jensen was too hard in his jeans and seriously considering he might come from giving this blow job alone. He hummed around Jared’s cock, flicking his tongue constantly around every inch he could reach.

Planting his feet firmly on the floor Jared thrust his cock up into the heat of his husband’s mouth and _loved_ it. The way Jensen sucked and swirled his tongue sent shivers down Jared’s legs and _Jesus_ he still had all his clothes on. Being this turned on was just insane and Jared remembered, yet again, why he was the luckiest man alive. One more sharp thrust and a low moan and Jared came so hard his eyes squeezed shut and he let out a strangled breath as his cock throbbed.

Jensen easily swallowed everything Jared had, moaning at the splash of heat along his tongue and down the back of his throat. His hand dropped down to rubb along his own aching cock, eyes fluttering slowly opened and closed as he pulled back and looked up at his husband.

“Feelin’ better?” He asked softly, carefully tucking Jared back into his boxers and smirking at his disheveled form.

Blinking slowly a few times Jared reached down for Jensen’s waist band and pulled him back up. “Come back,” he tugged until Jensen slid back onto his lap. “Want to watch you. Watch you come.” Jared’s palm slid down the hard line in Jensen’s jeans. “Touch yourself.” Jared’s skin was vibrating with anticipation and he leaned forward to bite at the fleshy part of Jensen’s shoulder.

Biting down on his lip, Jensen’s hands were shaking slightly as he tugged open his jeans and blew out a breath of relief at the lack of friction. Sometimes he got so hard with Jared it was almost painful.

“Makes me think of way back when.” Jensen chuckled deeply and pulled himself free of his boxers, stroking slowly along his cock as he shifted on Jared’s lap. “Back when I had to make you touch me and you still tried not to.” Jensen wet his lips slowly, half smiling down at his husband.

“Mmhmm, do it. Do it now.” Jared could feel the heat on his cheeks and neck as his body still twitched and trembled from his orgasm. Curling his hand over Jensen’s he moved their hands together slowly on his husband’s cock. “Can’t wait till you can touch my piercing,” he murmured.

Lowering his gaze Jared smiled, Jensen’s cock was red and swollen the slip weeping. Jared swept a finger through the liquid and brought it up to his lips.

Groaning, Jensen rolled his body forward and back, squeezing a little tighter, quickening his strokes joined with Jared’s. His hips moved constantly along Jared’s thighs jerking up into the touch and moaning louder. “God Jared I-” he sucked in a sharp breath with Jared swept up more pre-come and sucked it off once more.

That, for whatever the reason, was too hot for Jensen to resist and the moment he dipped down to crush his lips to Jared’s he came. He could feel the heat and slick wet sliding between their fingers, knew it was getting on Jared’s chest, and his moan strengthened.

Jared let his tongue slide forward into his husband’s mouth and moaned as he felt Jensen’s released hot and slick against his chest. “God,” he murmured into the kiss. Their mouths were wet and frantic, sliding hard and fast together.

Eventually the need to breathe became too much and Jensen pulled back, nearly collapsing against Jared’s chest then remembering his piercing and shifting slightly the side to lean on him without touching the over sensitive nipple. “God. We have to have like, the absolute best sex life of any couple ever.” Jensen grinned against Jared’s shoulder, soaking in the heat of him.

Letting his arms fall to his sides Jared grinned and nuzzled against Jensen’s forehead. “It’s you. If you weren’t so hot this wouldn’t happen all the time.” Closing his eyes again Jared breathed in their mingled scents and smiled.

“True. I am a sex god.” Jensen smirked and tilted up to brush his lips along Jared’s. “Come on lover, dinner in the oven should be just about done. Guess you’re getting spoiled all around tonight.” Jensen felt more than a little lucky to have Jared with him now and any time they were together.

“Sex God?” Jared chuckled quietly and slid Jensen back off his lap. “I have to go wash up now - you messed me up.”

“That’s your fault, makin’ me get off on your lap.” Jensen laughed as he stood, shifting his clothes around to straighten them out. “I’ll get dinner going.” Jensen smirked as Jared grumbled on his way down the hall to the bedroom.

There was a smile on his lips as he headed into the kitchen, stopping when the doorbell rang. Jensen frowned for a moment before turning and heading back out into the hall. “I’ve got it.” He called to his husband before arriving at the door, turning the lock and pulling it open. There was a delivery man on the other side with a long box and Jensen stared for a minute before smiling uncertainly. “Hello.”

“Jensen, uh, Padalecki?” The man looked at his clip board before looking back up, giving Jensen a polite smile.

“Yup, that’s me. What are those?” Jensen leaned out slightly to look at the delivery vehicle but it was just a white truck with no logo.

“Looks like flowers, roses.” The man offered the clipboard to Jensen. “Just sign there by your name please.”

“Roses?” Jensen took the clipboard and signed his name, glancing over his shoulder and down the hall. “Jared? Did you buy me flowers or something?”

Padding down the hallway Jared finished tugging his t-shirt down. “Nope, you got your gift from me.” Peering over his husbands shoulder Jared nodded at the man.

“Who else would send me roses?” Jensen frowned slightly and shrugged, trading the clipboard for the box of roses. “Thank you.” He nodded at the delivery guy before stepping back and shutting the door, turning to Jared and narrowing his eyes. “You wouldn’t send me roses of all things I guess. But. Who?” He carried the box down the hall to the kitchen, looking over at Jared once more.

“One of your friends? Why do you keep looking at me? I swear I didn’t do it.” Jared trailed along behind his husband. _Getting roses._ “Do I have to keep an eye on you?”

“No.” Jensen laughed and lifted the lid on the box, checking under it for a note. “Huh.” His frowned deepened as he pulled up the bouquet of roses. “Oh, there’s the note. Here, hold these.” Jensen offered Jared the roses before picking up the note. For some reason reading it made his body tense slightly and he looked up at Jared then back down at the paper, turning it over to check the back. “It just says, see you soon. It’s. Um. Okay.” Jensen scratched along his brow for a moment before shrugging and dropping the paper, taking the roses back. “It’s probably a joke someone’s playing.”

“Weird.” Jared sat down at the kitchen counter and put the roses down. “Guess you’ve got some fans out there huh?” Jared raised his eyebrows and looked over at his husband.

“No clue who it could be.” Jensen shrugged and moved over to the oven, pulling it open to peer in at the casserole baking. “Hey maybe it’s Chad. I could see Chad doing something ridiculous like that.” Jensen chuckled at the thought and snatched the pot holders, dipping down to pull the casserole out. “Maybe he’s randomly going to turn up at our door soon. Seems like something he’d do.”

“God, please. After the month we’ve had I’m in no frame of mind to deal with Chad.” Jared laughed. “I’ll email him later and see what he’s doing.” In a way Jared didn’t find it all that surprising to think that there was a guy out there that may be interested in Jensen.

“Yeah if he’s planning any visits I hope he can wait a few months, maybe Christmas time he can come out.” Jensen glanced back at the roses for a moment before turning to get some plates. “Seems weird to keep them, and weird to throw them out. What do you think?”

Shrugging Jared leaned over and tugged on Jensen’s waist band. “Keep ‘em, they smell good. Someone will probably call you later to see if you got them. What about that girl. Shasta or Shenoa. What’s her name?”

“Shira.” Jensen laughed and let Jared pull him close, turning into. “Maybe she wanted to apologize. I’ve been kind of avoiding them. I’ll call them tomorrow and check with her. Now, do you want to be fed or what?”

“I do. I’m hungry and I want to keep my energy up.” Jared blinked up at his husband and shrugged as he tried to look innocent. “Who knows what we’ll get up to later?”

Laughing still, Jensen turned back to the dishes and the casserole, dishing out food for both himself and his husband, pushing thoughts of the roses to the side. He’d much rather focus on Jared and the night they were going to have.


	4. Chapter 4

Another week and another set of crazy shifts for his poor, over worked husband. Jensen felt horrible on Jared’s behalf, watching how drained the man got when his days kept piling up and the time spent working greatly outweighed the time spent at home. Even Jensen’s busy schedule couldn’t compare to Jared’s. Which was why he was trying to go out of his way to do things that might help Jared.

Right now it was bringing his husband - and his mom because he was nice like that - dinner. Jensen didn’t often ride the bike but it was kind of fun to take it out, and probably good to drive considering it hardly got used any more. When he pulled into the police lot both Jared’s truck and his mom’s car was there so Jensen knew they were somewhere inside.

He called out greetings to officers he knew as he headed inside, carrying the picnic basket with food through the building. He dropped a tray of cookies off in the lounge, even if it wasn’t the moste nutritious the cops would enjoy having some fresh baked goods around. He shared a few more greetings with the officers in the lounge, asking for Jared or his mom to no avail. Apparently some of the cops saw them about as much as Jensen did.

Donna’s office was first so Jensen checked there and sighed when he couldn’t find them. His eyes slid constantly around the station as he headed a few doors down to Jared’s office. The door was open and the light was on which meant even if Jared wasn’t inside he’d be back soon. Instead of trying to search through the maze of the station he decided to wait for his husband or mom in the office.

There hadn’t been any bodies found since that one the week before which meant the detectives were desperately trying to sort through the evidence before the case could go cold in any way. Jensen knew this part was sometimes more taxing than when they had a whole bunch of fresh evidence. He dropped the picnic basket on one of the free chairs and moved around to Jared’s chair, dropping down and looking at the door before turning his gaze down.

The desk top was covered with pictures. Jensen only had to look once to know what they were but he couldn’t turn his gaze away. There were… bodies. All seven of the ones the murderer had left along campuses in Colorado. The press called him the Campus Killer but Jensen could remember his mom always insisting they not give names to serial killers, that it only fed their egos. So it was just the murderer in Jensen’s mind and he had learned minor details of the case but it was nothing compared to seeing these pictures there in front of his eyes.

All the victims were bound, gagged, sliced open in ways that would probably haunt Jensen for years to come. Jensen had no idea how Jared could stomach finding these bodies like this, the way they were cut open, one horrific shot after the next, just sitting out here on his husband’s desk. And Jensen had _always_ known about Jared’s job and what it entailed but seeing like this, Jensen clenched his jaw slightly but couldn’t get himself to look away no matter how hard he tried.

“Jesus, Jensen.” Jared strode into his office and snatched up the photos and quickly slid them into a folder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I was just trying to look for something that we missed. I-” Sinking down on the edge of his desk Jared held his arms out. “You shouldn’t have had to see that.”

“That was,” Jensen frowned slightly and rubbed at his eyes, blinking up at Jared. “You have to look at those all day? God Jared, how do you not have a million nightmares?” Jensen reached out to touch Jared’s leg, squeezing softly.

“I have other things I- When it gets really bad I think about you. Your Mom does the same; she thinks about her family - when you guys were little. Everyone has a trick I guess.” Jared smiled weakly and lifted a hand to his husband’s cheek. “You’re my answer to most things.” He wrinkled his nose when he thought about how sappy he sounded.

“Those poor people.” Jensen said softly and stood, stepping between Jared’s legs. “I didn’t mean to look; it’s just kind of, hard to look away.” Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared’s body and laid his head on his shoulder. “I brought you and mom dinner. Thought you might want something not take out.”

“That’s really sweet. Donna’s just gone to send a fax. The FBI is coming in so it’s going to get a bit easier for us. Well, the workload might lighten anyway. Nothing will make it easier.” Jared smiled and kissed Jensen.

“FBI. Wow. Finally made national news huh?” Jensen ran his hands down Jared’s chest and stepped back, moving around to the basket. “Are you hungry? Or should I just leave this here for you guys?” He glanced over at his husband, smiling softly.

Jared nodded. “Starving. How was your day? Anymore flowers from your secret admirer?” Jared leaned over and tried to get a look in the basket. Jensen always brought too much food but it was always good and Donna usually let Jared have most of it.

“Nope. No answer from anyone about who sent them either.” Jensen shrugged and grinned when he pulled out a bundle wrapped in paper towel. “Guess what I have for you.” When Jared’s eyes widened slightly, Jensen laughed. “My special white chocolate, chocolate brownies. Well, I just brought you one and mom one otherwise you guys would end up eating all of them and none of the good stuff.”

“Oh I _knew_ I kept you around for a reason.” Jared snagged the bundle out of his husband’s hands. “Do I really have to give one to Donna?” They were the absolutely best thing in the world of cooking as far as Jared was concerned.

“Yes you do.” Donna said as she entered the room and laughed. “Something Jensen made? There’s definitely sharing involved.”

Jensen chuckled at the _kid in the cookie jar_ look Jared got. He stepped closer to his husband and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. “Don’t worry the whole pan’s waiting for you at home along with the left over sauce.” He pressed a soft kiss beneath Jared’s ear and grinned as he stepped back.

Jared grinned evilly and wrapped an arm around Jensen’s waist. “He loves me _best_ , Donna.” It might have seemed too lighthearted to anyone else - the banter they slipped into even with the case they were working on but _these_ were the moments that allowed them all to stay sane.

“Oh don’t go saying things like that Jared or she might not share her recipes anymore.” Jensen chuckled softly and leaned against his husband.

“We all know you’ll just break in and get them anyway.” Donna smiled for a moment before looking at the basket of food and back to Jared. “Looks like we’ll have to eat on the road Jared. We just got a call from the UNC campus police.” She sighed softly and dropped her gaze.

Groaning Jared dropped his head forward onto Jensen’s shoulder. “He _just_ got here.” Jared’s fingers slipped under his husband’s shirt and smoothed over the warm skin of his lower back.

“Did they, is it another body?” Jensen slipped his arms around Jared’s body, not liking the idea of the murderer issues coming closer to their home.

“Some evidence, not a body but I can’t really talk about it with you Jensen, I’m sorry. It’s safer if you don’t know.” Donna stepped forward and slid a hand through Jensen’s hair before stepping back. “How about I head over there and take a look, Jared you can swing by in a bit? I’m sure it’s nothing I can’t handle on my own. Call me and we’ll work it out.” Donna turned to the basket to dig through, pulling out one of the sandwiches and an apple there.

“Really? I really would like to see my husband for more than ten minutes.” Jared winked at Jensen and swung a leg out to hook around Jensen’s. “I’ll catch up with you Donna, text if you need me.” Jared leaned down and whispered, “she just doesn’t want to ride in my truck.”

Jensen chuckled softly as his mom headed out of the room, waving back at them before disappearing down the hall. “I’m glad it’s not a body, it would make it impossible to sleep tonight if I knew he was killing people around here.” Jensen laid his hand on Jared’s chest, sliding to the left slightly. “How are you feeling?”

Jared shrugged and unwrapped his brownie. “You know, the usual. But. I had a burst of genius today. I think we should meet up with Chad somewhere, take a vacation. He could bring that blond he’s been seeing.” Jared took a bite of the dessert and moaned softly.

“Sure maybe during my Winter break or something. That sounds fun.” Jensen smiled softly at the pleasure on Jared’s face and couldn’t resist wrapping his fingers around Jared’s wrist and bringing the hand close to take a bite of the brownie. “Mm. Tasty.”

“You gonna wait up for me tonight? I’d like that.” Jared smiled.

“Sure. You know I have trouble sleeping without you around anyway. Think it’ll be late?” Jensen ran his thumb along Jared’s jaw and stepped closer, kissing him softly.

“Midnight or so, wait for me and I’ll thank you for the brownie.” Jared breathed softly against Jensen’s cheek for a few more moments.

“Well, you put it that way and how could I say no?” Jensen chuckled softly and tilted up to kiss Jared for a long moment before sighing softly. “You should eat before you go.”

Jared shoved the rest of the brownie in his mouth and yanked the basket over. Snatching up one of the sandwiches he winked at Jensen and slid down off the desk. Still chewing he mumbled, “drive safe.”

“Yeah, gonna take the motorcycle out for a bit, she’s feeling neglected.” Jensen grinned at his husband and headed for the door. “See you later. Love you.”

“Love you, and your brownies.” Jared spied Donna’s brownie left unclaimed and reached out to put it in his pocket.

“Hey.” Jensen stopped and spun back, pointing a finger at Jared. “That’s Mom’s brownie. You have a whole pan waiting at home so drop it mister.” He grinned at Jared, shaking his head in disapproval.

Laughing, Jared set the brownie back down on the desk and hopped down. “God, I was just gonna take it to her. You know, test it, makes sure it was okay. Get out of here before I keep you.” Jared rummaged around on his desk for his keys.

Still grinning Jensen turned and headed down the hall, calling a goodbye at the officers he knew as he passed.

-=-=-=-

By the time Jared pulled his truck up at the main building on Campus the place was lit up like a Christmas tree. He found Donna’s car and headed over toward a crowd of official looking people. Nodding at one of the officers he ducked under the crime scene tape and headed over to where Donna was crouched down. “Hey, what you got?”

Slipping some gloves out of his pocket Jared tugged them on and kneeled down beside his partner.

Donna glanced up at her partner and sighed, holding up a torn piece of canvas. “It’s the usual thing, the clue before the murder. Bad news is, it’s here at this campus, which can only mean one thing.” Donna pushed up to her feet with a quiet groan, holding the canvas out for Jared to see. “We’ll take it back to get dusted for prints but I’m sure it’ll be clean like the others.”

Taking the canvas carefully Jared studied it. It was a handmade canvas, like the ones that he and Jensen put together on the weekends sometimes. “Someone made this,” he murmured. But the interesting thing was the content. A bright orange sun blazed across the canvas until the color melted into the gold of a small star and at the bottom was a set of rings, looping around each other almost like an infinity symbol. “Donna, what the hell...”

“Beats me. Not like the other ones I know. All I can think, you know all the clues before they symbolized something about the victim. But they were tangible items. Like Rebecca’s childhood doll, things we could connect. So this.” Donna shrugged and gestured to the back of the canvas. “Blood, says next in French apparently.”

Donna pulled off her gloves and glanced around the lit up clearing. “You know Jared, I know you hate the idea but, Jensen might actually be some help on this one.”

Frowning Jared set the canvas back down on the plastic. “ _Prochain_ , yeah - Jensen taught me that one.” Jared’s lips twitched and he stared down at the canvas for a while. The sun and a star... rings. Something scratched away at Jared’s mind and he sighed and shook his head. “Donna the thing is - in all these other cases it was all right there in the evidence and we just didn’t put it together until afterwards. I mean it’s a sun right? And French - someone’s going on a holiday on the French Riviera? _Fuck._ ”

Jared stood and paced a few steps away. “For all we know it could be someone’s son not sun. I mean-” Jared’s face paled. _Prochain_. He knew the word because of the art program that Jensen had participated in. Jensen had taught him that word. “Donna the art program. The exchange program runs... it’s French they’re French - there were a handful of students from here in the program we need their names.” Jared strode back over toward the painting and his ring glinted in the light coming from the flashing red and blues.

Silver rings. “Someone’s son,” Jared murmured. “Jesus Christ, Donna. Jensen...” Turning and bolting for his truck Jared yelled out over his shoulder. “Send a car to my house and your house now Donna. Son not sun-” He waved at the sky. “It’s a badge not a star.” He was running full tilt by the time the last of the words were out of his mouth and slammed into his truck door as he was pulling his phone out to punch in Jensen’s number.

It rang twice and Jared fired up his truck and slammed it into reverse nearly hitting a uniformed officer as he screeched around in a wide circle.

Jensen nearly jumped at the ring of his phone. He was just kicking the stand on the motorcycle and couldn’t help smiling when he pulled out the phone and saw Jared’s name on the screen. “What? You miss me already?” Jensen laughed softly as he answered, stepping out of the garage and straining up to pull the door down.

“Jensen where are you?” Jared cradled the phone with his shoulder and struggled to slam his flashing light onto his dashboard. His heart was beating so fast he felt a little dizzy and he had to force himself to take a few deep breaths.

“I’m just getting home. What is it? What’s wrong?” The tone of Jared’s voice had Jensen’s steps slowing, keys shifting in his fingers. In the distance a car door slammed and Jensen looked over curiously before turning back to the steps in front of him. “Jared?”

“Jensen. Get in the house and lock up. There’s a car on the way over and I’m driving as fast as I can.” Jared almost dropped the phone as he had to hand over hand on the steering wheel to skid around a corner. “Go now, okay? I’ll explain everything.”

“Excuse me sir?” A voice spoke from the darkness and Jensen jumped.

Turning to the guy he frowned slightly when the man stepped closer to him. “Hey, aren’t you the guy who brought the flower-” Any other words Jensen had to say were cut off as the man moved with surprising speed and pressed a rag hard against his face. Jensen inhaled sharply to scream, breathing in the bitter sting of the rag. Everything blurred for a moment and Jensen felt the phone slip from his hand before it was just darkness.

As soon as Jared heard the muffled sound of a voice his blood ran cold. _Not now._ “Jensen!” Jared swerved around a vehicle in front of him and nearly swiped a car in the oncoming lane. He heard the phone clatter to the ground and some muffled sounds then the distant sound of an engine. Knowing it was pointless he yelled his husband’s name into the phone again.

-=-=-=-

The very first thing Jensen did when he opened his eyes was panic.

He tried to fight it off but the drive was too strong to ignore. Tape was covering his mouth, making it hard to breathe until he forced himself to calm enough to take large breaths through his nose. He was bound to a chair, duct tape around his legs and arms, but it was the smell more than anything that hit him hardest.

Dead flesh, dried blood, rot and decay. Only… Jensen had lived in Greeley his entire life and when he was a little boy he’d been to this place. It was a slaughter house, one of Monfort’s older establishments before they moved a little further out from the city because of new regulations. Jensen could just barely make out the old tables used for hacking up the meat and beyond that a freezer door, ominous hooks hanging from the ceiling and forming ghostly shapes straight out of a horror movie.

Something clattered behind him and Jensen whipped his head around, staring with wide eyes through the semi-darkness for the source of the noise. It took a few minutes for everything to come back. Jared’s call, the warning to get inside, then the guy who’d delivered roses to him only a few days before. _Jesus Christ_. This was the guy, the killer. And Jensen was the next victim.

That strong burst of panic shot up in him again and Jensen’s body lurched, struggling against the tape for some way to escape. If he curved his right hand down he could just barely pick at the edges of the silvery constrictor but the progress would be slow at best. Jensen was dressed only in a pair of boxers and that idea alone was terrifying.

“Oh yes, please struggle. I like it when they struggle.”

The man’s voice rang clear and sharp through the large room, sending chills down Jensen’s spine. He turned his head toward the noise and narrowed his eyes, seeking out the shape of the man there in the darkness.

“You know Jensen, I prefer women, never did see the appeal of men. But _you_ , so pretty, you’re almost like a little girl. And so proper too, with your pig mom and pig _husband_.”

Something cool and sharp touched Jensen’s shoulder and he jerked away from it on instinct, heart slamming painfully hard into his chest. Once more he needed to remind himself to breathe, remind himself that blacking out now could cost him his life. Then the sharpness strengthened and burned as the blade on his skin drew down from collar bone to nipple. Jensen screamed but it was muffled against the duct tape, pain burning hot white light against his eyes.

“Don’t worry, I enjoy taking my time. This one’s just to make you a little bit prettier.”

The man was in front of him in the next step, kneeling down so Jensen could see his smile. It was sick and cold and Jensen felt bile rise in his throat. His mind was racing a collective set of thoughts, about his mom and sister, his brother and sister-in-law, their little baby that would never get to know her uncle. And his husband, Jared, who no matter how strong would never be able to handle Jensen’s death at the hands of the killer he’d been pursuing for months.

“You’re such a good boy aren’t you Jensen? Always following the rules, so devoted to everyone around you. Even if they leave you alone all the time, never quite give you the adoration you deserve.”

The funny thing was - though really nothing could be funny at this point - this was not the first time Jensen was staring at death’s door. But this was nothing like being beat up for being gay. Those kids might have meant him harm and maybe they would have killed him given the chance, but it was right there on the street and he’d been offered a second chance. Jensen was suddenly wondering if he’d squandered it somehow, wasted the time away over stupid things like jealousy and miscommunication.

If, by some miracle, he made it through this - if Jared burst in the door and rescued him - then Jensen wouldn’t make those mistakes again. He made a silent deal with the god he’d never been sure was out there that he’d do everything different, better, if he just got one more chance.

“Do you think they’ll save you now pretty boy? Really? They’ve never been able to catch me before, what makes you think they will now?”

Jensen closed his eyes at the second burst of pain along his chest. It couldn’t end like this for him, he was too young, or he had too much potential. There was _Jared_ who he knew wouldn’t sleep or eat or stop for anything until Jensen was found. Jensen clung to that hope around the burn of tears, fingers still curved down to pick away at thick tape.

-=-=-=-

Jared was kneeling right where he had landed in the driveway when Donna arrived.

When he had finally made it to the house he had run inside, already knowing that Jensen wouldn’t be there. He went through every room twice, yanking doors open and yelling out his husband’s name. There was no response.

Heading back outside he had skirted around Jensen’s phone where it was lying on the driveway and down to the end of their sidewalk where he sunk down to his knees. Staring up the driveway like he expected Jensen to suddenly walk out of the house, Jared hardly blinked. The sound of distant sirens grew louder and soon the cast of other red and blues was flashing across the front of their house.

“Jared.” Donna stepped up to him and knelt slowly, breathing in deeply and exhaling just as slow. “Did he- is Jensen-” Her voice shook with the edge of control she fought for, hand curling tight around Jared’s shoulder.

"I didn't touch the phone. It's right where he dropped it. Heard the guy sorta of - he was waiting for Jensen. It was the flower guy." The flowers that Jared had teased Jensen about; the flowers he had told his husband were nothing to worry about. "I should have figured it out faster - I just needed a few more ... half a minute and I would have been here in time. Or been home. I should have been home and he wouldn't have been out." Jared blinked slowly and blew out a breath.

“No Jared. Stop. This isn’t going to save Jensen, you can’t think this way.” Donna’s voice was tight but she stood slowly and looked down at Jared. “Get up. Come on. We can find him and we will but you have to keep it together until we do. You got that? I know you’re strong enough, now come on.”

Rubbing his hand over his mouth for a few long moments Jared nodded slowly and pushed up. He stood there staring at the phone for a few more moments and then followed Donna back to the end of the driveway. His truck was still running, the door wide open and the light flashing and Jared leaned inside to turn the ignition off.

“Okay.” Donna breathed deeply once more and looked around for a few moments before looking back at Jared. “The flower guy. That’s what we start with. Did you see him? Was there any indication on the box where the flowers came from?”

“The uh,” Jared rubbed a hand down over his hair and covered his eyes as he tried to recall any details he could. “Uh the box is still out back in that stupid bin that Jensen keeps for recycling stuff. The. The card is still with the roses. Next to the vase on the kitchen counter. No one’s touched any of that stuff but Jensen and I.”

Jared’s mind kept running over that day, the man at the door. About Jensen’s height, he was older but his face was a blur in Jared’s memory. Why would he remember someone like that - he’d just come down the hallway to see what was going on. But the white van.

“Donna, the van. It was white, late nineties - one of those Ford Windstar things. But there was a ... just two doors and the back door.” Jared looked up the driveway where some crime scene investigators where scouring the area for evidence. “Standard, I heard the gears grind.”

“Good. That’s- we can start with that now then.” Donna stepped away and pulled out her phone, bringing it up to her ear and looking toward Jared. “All these lights have cameras, what day was it Jared? We’ll get the footage and hopefully spot the van. That’ll give us plates. Then you go bag the card and the box, maybe he slipped up, thought you’d throw them out and there’ll be prints.”

Jared stepped back from his truck and closed the door. “Thursday, it was last Thursday. _Jesus_ , I’m sorry Donna.” He reached out and squeezed her arm gently. “You’re right. We’ll. I’ll focus. We’ll figure this out.”

“We will. We- He has to be okay.” Donna met Jared’s eyes for a long moment before stepping forward and wrapping him in a tight hug. “We’ll get him back Jared.”

Nodding against Donna’s cheek Jared let her go quickly and headed out back to find the box for the flowers. Pulling out his gloves from inside his jacket he tugged them on and smiled weakly at one of the uniformed officers as he passed by. If there was ever a time for him to do things by the book, it was now. One false move and Donna would have them both pulled off the case. Replaced. And Jared wanted to be looking _not_ sitting at home waiting.

On his way past the Crime Scene unit Jared grabbed a large plastic bag and an extra set of gloves. He wasn’t taking any chances.

When he got to Jensen’s recycling container the box was still there and he extracted it carefully, Jensen had already folded the thin cardboard so Jared could fit it all inside the plastic bag. Tearing off the evidence strip he sealed the bag and wrote the time, date and his initials on the tape. There _had_ to be some kind of evidence somewhere. Something that they could work with.

As he moved back a round to the front of the house Jared spotted Donna off in the distance handing out tasks to people and, no doubt, tightening up the crime scene. _His house._ Fuck. _Their_ house.

“We’ll get those processed right away.” Donna said before she’d even finished crossing to Jared, taking the bag from Jared and handing it off to one of the crime scene workers. “Priority on that.” She nodded at the man before looking at Jared. “I talked to the traffic workers; they’re queuing up video footage for this block for Thursday evening. Let’s go there, they should have it ready.” There was a slight shake to her hand as she reached out for Jared’s arm, urging him toward her car.

“Yeah, okay.” Jared pulled his phone out and checked the screen. _Habit_. He was looking for Jensen’s number, a missed call, a message. _Anything._

-=-=-=-

It wasn’t until Jensen was opening his eyes for a second time that he realized he’d blacked out. It was almost sickening to smell the slaughter house once more, to see all the ghostly shadows and things he’d picked out the last time he’d been conscious. The light was still ghostly and pale, not that much time had passed since before. His gaze drifted down to his chest, covered in blood, and his stomach churned unpleasantly.

The panic wasn’t as intense this time, Jensen’s mind was settling in with reality and he forced himself to recall all the things he’d learned over the years from his mother and from Jared. Think of the most calming things, clear his head, get a real grip of the situation if he wanted to survive. That most calming things were easy to recall. Jared, his smile, his smell, the strong love constantly pulling them together.

Something clattered behind him again but Jensen simply closed his eyes and recalled what it was like to be seventeen, the first time he met Jared, the way his eyes had widened slightly when they’d shaken hands and Jensen insisted his name was not _Jenny_. Then later, at the park, feeling so self conscious in the wake of Jared’s absolute beauty when he himself was just a scrawny little teenager. He’d tried to project this image of confidence and it had wavered so quickly in Jared’s presence.

Gentle kisses on the couch, the touch of a hand, a pass through his hair. All these little moments that eased the sharp ache of fear pulsing through him. Okay, he could do this. He could do whatever it took to be okay and make it through this until Jared could find him. Because he _would_. He and his mom would stop at nothing until he was found and Jensen let the absolute _certainty_ of this thought settle him further.

He was bleeding, but he didn’t feel too lightheaded, so the amount he had lost as of now wasn’t enough to seriously damage him. Right, the guy had said something about making it slow. And that could be his downfall if Jensen could figure out how to act on it.

Seven _successful_ kills obviously made the killer confident, which was probably why he chose Jensen in the first place. He was ultimate prey, so closely connected to two of the lead detectives on the case. It was all a sick game in his mind and he was pushing the limits, taking Jensen to flaunt it in the faces of the cops who couldn’t track him.

The tiniest little rip was forming in the tape under Jensen’s fingers. He hadn’t even consciously been picking at it but his fingers started moving the moment his eyes were open. Having one hand free would only get him so far though. They were too far from the city for any of his screams to be heard so pulling the tape from his mouth wouldn’t do any good. He needed to get a message to Jared, just one little thing to make it all clear. The word was easier to come up with than the idea of how to get it to his husband. No phone, his own was left at the house.

As Jensen continued to pick at the tape he let his gaze roam across the room. Whatever the killer was doing - Jensen was trying desperately hard not to think about it - kept echoing clatters across the large empty space. Jensen could see the glow from an _Exit_ sign above a door across the room. Tables, saws over them, walls that would likely be covered with dirt and grime if he could actually see the color through the darkness.

“Look who’s up. Pretty boy, thought you’d never come around to me again.”

The man was in front of Jensen once more, sneer ever present on his lips. Jensen forced his eyes away from him, staring at a point just beyond his shoulder. That cool prick was back again, along the inside of his thigh and Jensen pressed his tongue hard into the roof of his mouth. As another burst of pain stung through Jensen his gaze landed on a phone along the wall. Jensen’s last little hope as he continued to pick at the tape was that the phone would still be on. One call, that was all he would need. He could survive this.

-=-=-=-

Donna _made_ Jared go home at about four a.m. He argued with her until she pointed out that the suspect might call their home phone number. She was certain that the officers there would answer but would feel better if it were Jared. He knew it was just an excuse to get him home.

He couldn’t help staring at the picnic basket on his desk for a while before he left. It was one of those bizarre time jumps. Jensen had been standing _right_ there and then ... Jared’s entire world was ripped apart.

Jared had seen all the crime photos. He knew what kind of sadistic fuck now had his husband. The images of all the crime scenes were all jumbled up in Jared’s mind; facts and suppositions tumbling over one another even as his subconscious tried to put more clues together.

When he finally headed home - the precinct was still buzzing with activity. Someone had scribbled ‘ _One of our own_ ’ on the huge white board in the briefing room and Jared had to get out of there.

The house was too empty. Jared regretted going home the moment he was in the front hallway. Jensen’s boots were stuffed half in the closet, a canvas rested against the wall. His husband’s presence was everywhere and it all squeezed in on Jared like a vice.

Even though it was a ridiculous hour of the early morning Jared pulled his phone out. Tears welled in his eyes and he struggled to see the screen and then finally managed to pull up Chad’s contact information.

The phone only rang once and Jared heard Chad’s voice. “Jared?”

“Hey. Chad. I’m sorry I-”

“Jared. I know. Jeff called me. Listen man, I’m flying up there in a few hours okay?”

Relief flooded through Jared because - _fuck_ \- there had to be _somewhere_ he could fall apart, someone to lean on who wouldn’t expect him to be professional.

Jared closed his eyes and tilted his head back for a few moments. “S’good Chad. I. What time? I’ll send a car.”

“Landing at nine a.m. Pads? You’re gonna get him back. I know you.” For once Chad wasn’t teasing Jared, was just being supportive and that, in itself, terrified Jared.

“It’s pretty bad Chad-”

“None of that you fucker. Jensen will have your ass when he hears you said anything like that.”

Sighing, Jared let himself fall down onto the couch. “I can’t be without him Chad.”

“I know, Jared.”

Jared could hear Chad breathing on the other end of the line. “Chad, I’m. I’m just barely. I’m not sure if I can-”

“You listen to me, Pads. I know you. Yeah, you might be the most over-emotional and pathetic sap I know but you know what? You’re fuckin’ good at your job.” Jared could hear movement on the other end of the phone, like Chad was moving around his apartment. “You fall apart right now then you pick your fuckin’ ass up in the morning and you go out there and you _find_ your fuckin’ husband, yeah?”

Nodding Jared rubbed at his eyes; they were stinging with the burn of unshed tears. “Yeah,” he murmured.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can. You sending a cop car to the airport ‘cause I always wanted to be picked up at the airport in front of a crowd of people and stuffed in the back of a cop car.” There was no humor in Chad’s voice but Jared laughed softly anyway.

“Yeah, I am. Shut up.” Jared sighed and rolled over onto his side.

“You good? You wanna just stay on the phone with me for a while? I’m packin’.” Chad’s voice sounded tired, worn. But then he knew Jensen and even if he would probably deny it - Jared knew that Chad was fond of Jensen.

“Yeah, just for a while.”

“Sappy fucker.” But Chad didn’t hang up and Jared hoped that at some point he might fall asleep before he hung up so he didn’t have to notice again how empty their house was.

-=-=-=-

Jensen was dreaming. The little details weren’t important, where he was or what he was doing, it really all boiled down to _Jared_. In his dream he reached out for him, called for him, and Jared appeared, pulled him close and held him tightly. Jensen imagined the other place was the dream, that this was real and wonderful and the other had just been his nightmare.

Then sharp pain and his eyes were opening once more. Now he felt dizzy, his stomach was clenching together in painful rolls and the room was lighter. Sunlight. Breaking in through the high top windows of the slaughter house. It was early morning; Jensen could distantly hear the call of birds. For some reason that made his heart sink further.

When he was younger his mother always used to say the first forty eight hours after a crime were the most important. He wished he knew the time now so he could see how long it had been, how much time was left for him. Then the strong willed part of him - Jensen thought maybe it was the Jared part of him - said counting down wasn’t an option. He _had_ to make it through this.

There was enough of a split in the tape around his arm now he could wiggle his wrist slightly. It burned, the tape latched onto his hairs and pulling each time he moved but he kept at it, twisting and pulling to work at the tear, little fiber after fiber breaking away. Outside he heard the rumble of an engine and his head shot to the door, eyes widening, a scream just barely audible over the cover across his mouth.

The rumbling stopped, the creak of a door opening and closing, footsteps crunching on gravel. They were too slow and measured though; clearly the killer had left and was now back. Jensen stared out the door when it opened, a burst of sunlight spilling across the concrete floor. A shiver rocked through him and Jensen looked away as the door shut.

The man - maddeningly enough - carried a cup of coffee and a small bag. Jensen tried to keep the shifting of his wrist subtle as the man walked over and dropped down into a chair, pulling out a donut, eating it like this was the most normal situation. Jensen closed his eyes and imagined what Jared would do to the guy once he found him.

“You’re all over the news you know. Quite the little celebrity pretty boy. Of course they’ve already given you up for dead, I’m sure they’re just waiting to find the body. Maybe I’ll leave you on your mom’s doorstep, so your baby sister can find you.”

Bile churned up in Jensen’s mouth but he swallowed it down, squeezing his eyes shut against the burn of tears. The guy was lying, fucking with him, Jensen was sure of it. He twisted his fingers down again and strained for the tape, picking away until his fingers began to bleed at the tips.

-=-=-=-

Jared shifted slightly on the couch. _Coffee_. He could smell coffee brewing; Jensen must have put it on. The soft murmur of voices reached Jared’s ears and he frowned slightly.

And that was as much peace as he got. Then the day before came slamming back into him and he groaned softly. Back aching he struggled to sit up on the couch. “‘Lo?” He cleared his throat and rubbed roughly at his face. He had no idea when he fell asleep but vaguely remembered saying goodnight to Chad.

“Pads? You awake?” Chad’s voice came out of the kitchen, followed by his face peering around the corner. “Coffee?”

“Yeah. Please.” Jared sighed and tugged at his shirt. He _hated_ waking up in the same clothes that he went to sleep in. Rubbing his eyes for a few moments when he finally dropped his hands there was a steaming cup of coffee in front of his face. “Thanks.”

Curling his hands around the cup Jared blinked up at his friend. “Hey. Thanks for -”

“Jared. I’m your best friend.” Chad tousled Jared’s hair and frowned. “Dude you need a shower.”

“He needs food too.” Chris came into the living room holding a small plate with a burrito on it. “Donna gave us strict instructions to ensure you ate before doing anything else.” Chris frowned slightly and shrugged. “Won’t tell her anything if you manage a bite or two.”

Jared looked from one man to the other and reached out for the plate. “What is this tag team nagging?”

Chad laughed quietly. “Chris and I bumped into each other in the driveway this morning. Both had the same idea. Come over and kick your ass.” Chad climbed over Jared’s legs and sank down beside him on the couch.

“Jesus,” Jared lifted his coffee mug as it splashed up over the rim onto his plate. Shaking his head he kicked at Chad with his foot. “Hey Chris. How’re you doing?”

“Well. You know.” Chris shrugged again and slid a hand back through his hair. “Was up most of the night with Mack, she’s with Josh and Karen now. So just, you know, ready to go bust down some doors until we find him.”

Chad nodded and tapped the edge of the plate Jared was holding. “Eat.”

“Has anyone called?” Jared looked between his coffee and the plate and opted for setting the cup down on the table so he could pick up the burrito and take a bite.

“Shit load of reporters, I told them all to fuck off. And Donna, she said something about finding the plates? And running traces on them. And she wants you to call once you’ve had some time.” Chris took the vacant chair across the room and rubbed slowly along his arm. “You need anything Jared? I can go get whatever.”

Smiling slightly at his friends Jared took one more bite of burrito and set the plate down so he could retrieve his coffee. “You guys. I ... thanks.” Jared took a sip of coffee and focused on the burn as it slid down his throat.

Chad’s hand settled on the back of Jared’s neck and squeezed softly. “Whatever man. Wee Pads invited me anyway - he emails me you know.” Chad winked and dropped his hand. “I’ll get some groceries today; maybe Chris can give me a ride?

“Yeah, we’ll take care of everything here. You just, find Jensen.” Chris exhaled slowly and curled his hands around his knees. “I know you will, find him I mean. He just, Jensen’s strong. He’ll make it through this.”

Nodding slowly Jared set the mug on the table. “I better call Donna.” Even though he was still exhausted and every part of him ached he needed to be doing something.

-=-=-=-

Biding his time, that was exactly what Jensen was doing. His brain was shutting down, ticking off one little detail after another. The sun’s path was creating sun bursts along the ground, shifting slowly, shapes growing and fading as the hours passed by. He was exhausted, longing for sleep but forcing himself to remain awake. Pulling each little fiber until he lost count.

Occasionally the man would come to him, draw a single line with the tip of his blade and throw more mocking teasing taunts at Jensen. At some point he left again, not before turning on a distant faucet. It dripped like an echoing stab around the slaughter house, slowly but surely eating away at Jensen’s senses. He was a constant shiver now, sometimes shaking so bad he could barely breathe.

And then, somehow, the tape was free. Jensen pulled the last inch from the chair with surprising strength, considering. For a long moment Jensen stared at his free hand, unsure what to do next. He could hear clattering in the distance, which was still as terrifying, being unable to see what the man was doing. Jensen twisted down and ran his bleeding fingers along the tape over his calf. His entire body stung at the move, cuts burning, Jensen bit down on his tongue to keep from making a noise.

He pulled at the duct tape, ripping in one solid swift motion until his leg was free. There was no way he could make a run for it, the man was going to be in the room at any moment, and Jensen’s eyes shot to the phone on the wall. Experimentally he pushed up from the chair, still constricted on the left side, half bent but free enough to tug the chair along with him.

Jensen half hopped, half ran to the phone on the wall, not even stopping to look around for the man. The chair made a strange thump along the ground but Jensen kept going, yanking the phone from its cradle and letting it drop to the ground keeping the line on as he punched in the home number. The clatter in the background intensified and Jensen panicked, they’d need time to trace the call, he couldn’t let the man hang up the line yet.

Footsteps echoed out toward him and Jensen lurched forward, springing across the room as far as possible and clattering hard into the ground. It burned, pain flaring up his body, but he thought maybe he was far enough away it would distract the man.

“What the fuck are you doing?” The man was across the room in a moment, pulling him up, slamming him hard back into the chair he was still half attached too. Jensen cried out, twisting away from the touch, kicking his leg out to drive hard into the man’s body.

A harsh laugh escaped the man’s lips as he pushed hard down on Jensen’s hip. “Fucking shit, this is why I pick girls. Never were good fighters.”

Tape was once more circling around his wrist, back around his legs, but Jensen had done it. The line was still connected; Jared had to have gotten the call. They were going to find him; he just had to survive a little bit longer.

-=-=-=-

“His name is Aaron Dolan.” Donna slid the file across the table to Jared and sighed, shaking her head slowly. “The van’s registered to him but that’s about it, no properties, no listed address. The only prior he has is public indecency down in Denver a couple of years ago. There’s the photo though, he the flower guy?”

“Shit. Have they started a trace on the v.i.n.? Maybe someone else owned it and can give us a better description.” Jared stood to move over to the kitchen and get them some more coffee. Having Donna at the house was better than being at the precinct. It was calmer at the house; there was far less to distract them.

When the phone rang Jared’s body switched into high gear instantly. He glanced quickly at Donna and shot across the room. She was already on her cell phone activating a trace by the time Jared picked up the phone. “Hello?”

There was no sound for a moment then something thumped and grated on the other end of the line. Jared’s heart clenched and he closed his eyes and concentrated on the sounds coming from the other end of the line. Holding up his hand he waved at Donna so she’s know something might be going on.

He heard a strange sound, like a dragging or like something being scraped on the ground. Then he heard an angry voice. Sure he could hear a muffled yell Jared slammed his hand against the wall. Certain it was Jensen he fought every instinct he had to call out. He just needed the line to stay open for sixty seconds and that had never felt longer.

Turning, Jared widened his eyes at Donna and he nodded. She held up a hand and stared at him, cell phone pressed tight against her ear.

 _God_ , Jensen. Jared could hear a scuffle. The sounds of flesh hitting flesh, more thumping and that same horrible - gut wrenching muffled screaming.

Jared held out a hand. “Donna...” he mouthed. Sixty seconds. _Fuck_. Long enough for eight or nine breaths, over a hundred heartbeats. Jared stopped counting the sounds on the other end of the line; it was too difficult to listen too.

Donna nodded and stood up, flipping her phone closed.

Chad moved over to stand beside Jared. “Give me the phone and go.”

“No, I’m not gonna- if Jensen gets on he’ll want to hear my voice.” Jared’s eyes widened and he stared across at Donna.

“Jared, we have a location. We have to _go_.” Donna grabbed her keys from the table and headed for the door. “You want to be there when we get him? Get your ass in gear Padalecki.”

"Come on Pads. You know Jensen needs you. I swear to _God_ I'll hold this phone until it goes dead." Chad held out his hand.

Jared handed the phone to Chad and pressed his lips together then headed out behind Donna. “Let’s go get my husband.”


	5. Chapter 5

_Jared’s coming_.

Jensen closed his eyes when wave after wave of mind numbing pain coursed through him. The killer wasn’t much a fighter, didn’t use his fists, just the steady blade in his hand. Jensen felt it dig into his chest, deeper now, deep enough to leave scars.

“Gonna cut you all up pretty boy. Just to teach you a lesson I’m gonna make it last.”

The man stepped back from him and Jensen inhaled shakily, eyes snapping open when the man growled. “What the fuck is this? What did you do?” The man paced quickly over the phone hanging by its cord along the wall. It was snatched up in the next moment, the same blade used on Jensen cutting through the line.

Jensen only hoped it was enough time. He twisted in the chair once more to no avail; the guy had secured him again. Now he looked wilder then before, eyes wide and snapping around, pacing in small circles. “Who did you call? Who?” The man was in front of him in the next beat, slicing quickly along the tape securing him in place.

The moment his legs were free Jensen fought past the pain and lurched forward, shoving at the man to knock him down and scrambled past, crawling for the door. The man laughed, haunting and shrill echoing around the slaughter house and an arm hooked around Jensen’s waist, pressing against his cuts, pulling him up off the floor.

“Oh you’re so _feisty_. I love it.” The man growled and dragged Jensen forward, tightening his grip to work tape back around his arms, forcing them together and secure into place.

 _Jared’s coming_.

Jensen knew he needed to give him time, just a few more minutes. If he could fight through the pain, fight off the man for just a little bit longer Jared would come and save him. Jensen yanked his body hard to the side, driving his knee up into the man’s crotch and shoving him forward. Something sharp slid down his leg and Jensen screamed a muffled cry of agony but forced himself past it, limp running for the door, using all strength to heavy it open.

It was all dirt and gravel outside, the afternoon sun beating down on him, and rocks dug into his feet as he tried to run.

“Keep it up pretty boy! See how far you get!” The man was at the door once more, Jensen could hear the crunch of gravel under his boots as he quickened his steps after Jensen.

Then, in the distance, sirens. Some people were afraid of cops; some people would hear that noise and feel only annoyance or aggravation. Jensen though, choked on a sob of relief kept strangled in by the tape covering his mouth. His hands were bound in front of him still and each step had blood rushing out of his body from more cuts than he could count, but the sirens were getting louder.

 _Jared_.

“You’re _mine_ pretty boy.” The words came as a snarl moments before the man launched into him, driving Jensen hard down against the gravel and pinning him there. A rock dug into his cheek and Jensen could hear the skip slide of tires going too fast on gravel. Then fingers were pulling and digging into his hair, head lifted back, something slick hot and sharp pressing against his neck. “Gonna wait for your precious little family, then I’m gonna slit your throat so they can see how pretty it is when you bleed.”

Tears of pain and anguish burned through Jensen and he closed his eyes, opening them a moment later when the hum of engines was close, competing for dominance against the sirens. If he could just see Jared, one last time, he’d take that.

-=-=-=-

It was probably a good thing that Donna was driving. Jared recognized the crumpled form of his husband almost immediately as the cars pulled up. His pistol was in his hand as he shoved the door open and hit the ground running. There were voices all around him, people calling out orders, the sirens shut down and soon all he could hear were engines ticking and the strange whirring of some of their lights.

Donna was one step behind, barely throwing the car into park before she was running after Jared. “Hold your fire Jared.” She called toward him, hands shaking with visible strain.

On the ground Jensen was only aware of a few things. The blade at his neck, the hand in his hair, and Jared. Hope and fear burned bright through him and Jensen wanted to squirm and kick to get free but the knife dug in sharper.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” The man called out toward Jared and Jensen could feel the weight shift as he laughed. “Waitin’ to slash him open all pretty just for you Detective.”

“Jared.” Donna sucked in a sharp breath as the man’s hand moved.

Jared's eyes were locked on Jensen's for a few precious moments. His husband was bleeding, face bruised and battered and Jared could see his pain. Chest tightening painfully he dropped to one knee and held his gun aimed at the killer. Everything around him faded away and he just saw the knife at his husband's throat. "Jensen. Baby, you look at me. _Just_ at me. Just think about us, okay?" Jared whispered. He smiled slightly and took a deep breath to steady his hand.

Tears pricked sharp at Jensen’s eyes and he tried to speak before he remembered he couldn’t. When he inhaled sharply through his nose the weight pressing down on his body intensified and Jensen could feel rocks digging into the cuts on his chest. They were surrounded by cops on all sides now but no one dared to move, the blade on Jensen’s neck a constant threat.

“How do you think it will go? Think you can kill me before I kill him?” The man laughed once more and dipped down to run the tip of his nose through Jensen’s hair before straightening up. “He’s been such a pretty little boy for me, all covered in his own filth. I can’t help but take him with me.”

Jared could feel the stab of anger deep in his chest, the way it twisted around his spine. Eyes softening for a moment he blinked, watching the tears streaming down Jensen's cheeks. Exhaling slowly Jared's eyes moved up to the man's face. "No. I don't think I can kill you before-" The crack of Jared's pistol cut off the rest of his sentence. His aim was dead on and a dark red hole appeared dead center in the middle of the man’s forehead. Dropping his gun Jared scrambled forward and shoved at the already lifeless body that had fallen across his husband.

"Jensen?" He tugged and shoved at the dead weight of the man's body then people appeared around him and the man's body was pulled away. The last thing Jared saw was someone kicking the knife out of his lifeless hand.

Curling his hands around Jensen's shoulders, Jared pulled his husband up against him. "Jensen?" His hands moved frantically over Jensen's neck, his shoulders - checking to see if he'd been fast enough. Jared pulled the tape off Jensen’s mouth quickly, wincing at the red skin underneath. “Jen?”

His husband’s eyes were closed and Jared tore at the tape on Jensen’s wrists until it was hanging loosely and he could pull the battered man almost across his body. “Jensen, please baby.” Sucking in a shuddering breath Jared curled forward over Jensen’s body. “Talk to me.”

Sucking in a slow breath Jensen kept his eyes closed, afraid if he opened his eyes this was all be a dream. But he could feel the warmth and familiar hands and Jared’s voice, soothing and comforting. “Jared?” He whispered, surprised by how sore his throat felt. But then, his entire body was aching. He blinked his eyes open a few times and reached up, touching familiar smooth skin and wet, Jared’s tears. “Oh god.”

The sob that tore through him was another burst of pain, induced mainly by Jensen pushing up and throwing his arms around Jared’s body. He scrambled to get closer, to hold onto this, terrified it would all be snatched away if he didn’t. “Jared, please. Please say it’s real.” He sobbed the words, not quite sure if he could be understood or not. Jensen could ignore all the other pain right now if it meant being as close to Jared as humanly possible.

“You’re fine, Jensen. I’m here. I’ve got you.” Someone touched Jared’s shoulder as if to pull him back and he shrugged out of their grip and tightened his hold on his husband. “I’m right here and everything is fine... you’re gonna be fine.” Jared’s lips moved over Jensen’s filthy hair, his blood and tear-stained cheeks.

“Hurts.” Jensen breathed and closed his eyes again, tightening his arms around Jared even if it made the cuts pull.

“Jared,” Donna crouched down beside them, sniffing softly. “We’ve got to get him to the hospital.”

Jensen stirred at his mom’s voice and opened his eyes again, looking over at his mom and half reaching out for her. “Mom.” He kept his arm around Jared tight though, not wanting to release him just yet.

“It’s okay honey, we’re going to get you help now.” Donna stroked his arm softly, patting Jared’s shoulder as she stood. “The ambulance Jared, come on.”

Slipping his arm under Jensen’s knees Jared lifted him up as carefully as he could. He had to struggle to get up to his feet again but he wasn’t ready to let go of Jensen just yet. His cheeks were still damp and he rubbed them against Jensen’s hair as he looked over at Donna before walking unsteadily toward the ambulance.

“I’m sorry Jensen. I should have been there with you,” he murmured. Even though Jensen was no longer the seventeen year old that Jared had met all those years ago - he seemed so small in Jared’s arms. Donna followed along beside them and motioned for the EMT’s to pull the gurney out so Jared could set Jensen down on it carefully.

“S’not your fault.” Jensen whispered and glanced over at the EMT as he stepped close to check him over before looking back at Jared, grabbing his arm. “Just, don’t go. Don’t leave now. Please?” He couldn’t bare the idea of being without Jared, not with everything so fresh and clear in his mind. Even if he knew the killer was dead, gone, fear was still prickling at his senses.

“I’ll follow in the car, Jared, you ride with him.” Donna squeezed Jensen’s hand once, nodding at Jared before turning to head for the car.

Nodding once Jared climbed up into the back of the ambulance and as soon as they hooked up the wheels and slid the gurney inside he kneeled down by Jensen’s head and whispered softly. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

“My call?” Jensen mumbled and turned to him, closing his eyes and forcing them to open once more. “Is that, how you found me?” He could feel the shifting of hands over him, knew the paramedics were trying to assess were to begin first with the damage but he couldn’t think about that right now. It was just _Jared_.

"Yeah," Jared nodded and kissed his husband's forehead. He stroked his fingers over Jensen's hair slowly, staring down at him. "Chad and Chris are probably still on the other end of the phone waiting. Told 'em I'd kill 'em if they hung up."

Jensen’s lips twitched in a surprising small smile. “The, the man. Cut the line. Chad?” There was a prick along his arm and Jensen glanced over, watching the paramedic slide an IV in before dropping his head slowly back toward Jared. “Chad came?”

“Yeah Chad and Chris are at the house. Everyone knew I was gonna find you and they wanted to see you.” Jared’s voice wavered slightly and he glanced up at the paramedic as he taped the IV down. The man nodded at him and smiled.

Dropping his gaze back to Jensen’s sleepy eyes Jared brushed his fingers over the man’s forehead. “You can rest if you want, I’m not leaving you. You’re safe.”

“Just, wanna see you. For awhile.” Jensen knew they’d given him some medicine, it would probably pull him under soon, until then he was clinging to Jared being there. He blinked slowly a few times and reached out for Jared again. “You look tired. Did you get any sleep?” It hurt to try and touch Jared’s face and he frowned, tilting his head down slightly to try and see how damaged he was.

Jared laughed softly at his husband’s concern. "Hate sleeping when you're not home remember? Knew we could catch up together when you were home." He slid his hand over Jensen's and lowered it slowly, holding on as gently as he could. "I think we need a vacation, you know? Somewhere we can swim and lay out in the sun. Stuff that normal people do."

“Jared?” Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand softly and fighting against the medicine. It was catching up to the exhaustion in him, everything draining away too quickly. “Should ask them, ‘bout the job. Think you should take it.” Jensen closed his eyes but half smiled, squeezing Jared’s hand once more. “Keep gettin’ beat up in Greeley.”

“I’m gonna phone later. I think it might be time for a change for you and me.” Jared didn’t mention that it was a desk job and less field work. There was plenty of time for going over the details later. “Let’s just get you better first. Need someone at home to keep Chad and I from fighting.”

A sleepy smile played across Jensen’s lips for a few moments, the medicine kicking in full gear now. “S’probably, fightin’ with Chris.” If Jensen had more energy left he might have laughed at the idea of their two friends meeting up like this. But he was safe now, and warm, and too tired to ignore it any longer. “Love you.” He whispered, turning his head toward Jared once more and forcing his eyes open.

“Just rest, Jensen.” Jared spoke softly against Jensen’s cheek and tucked in as close to his husband as he could.

Knowing Jared wasn’t going anywhere, Jensen stopped trying to hold on and let sleep finally claim him.

-=-=-=-

There was a hard and cold laugh echoing in Jensen’s mind and he kept seeing flashes of a smile, bitter and broken. It accompanied sharp flares of pain and cold slick metal gliding across his skin. Jensen’s breath quickened, fear pushing up in him, the desire to scream but the knowledge no one would hear.

He sat up in the bed with a scream, eyes snapping open instantly to take in the room around him. His chest was aching, his legs, his arms, even his face felt weird and he could hear the race of the heart monitor beside him, each hard breath burning in his lungs. And still the fear, too much and too strong.

Jared nearly leapt out of his skin when Jensen screamed. He’d been asleep in the chair, half over on his side; legs sprawled out and managed to slam his shin against the bed when he jumped. Limping over to Jensen’s bedside he sat down and slipped an arm under Jensen’s neck. “You’re okay, it’s all over.” _All over but the dreaming about it._

Hand moving soothingly over the bandages on his husband’s chest Jared leaned down to kiss Jensen’s sweat-damp cheek. “You were dreaming.”

“Oh god.” Jensen slumped against Jared, pushing closer, needing to feel the reassuring touch of his husband. “It was so bad Jared. So bad. The things he said, the, the way he cut-” Jensen’s eyes widened and he jerked back, pushing the sheet down, pulling at the hospital gown to try and see his chest. The cuts were covered with bandages, his wrist were still red with dried skin, there were two IVs hooked up in him, one with blood and one with medicine and fluids. His fingers slid across the bandages, shuddering slightly. “I’m going to have scars. I’m not, there’ll always be there. What he did, it’s always going to be here on me. _Jesus_.” Jensen inhaled sharply, panic rising fast and quick up in him.

Jared’s heart clenched painfully. “Whoa, whoa, yeah maybe but - Jesus. Jensen, you beat that guy. _You_ didn’t give up, you out-smarted him. _You’re_ the reason we got to you. Do you have any fucking idea how strong that makes you?” Jared ran his nose through his husband’s hair. He’d tried to wash out most of the blood and dirt while Jensen was sleeping but it still felt a little stiff.

“I knew you’d find me. I knew you wouldn’t let me die.” Jensen turned into Jared, flinching at the pull along his chest. The hospital bed was small but Jensen shifted to the side, pulling at Jared’s arm. “Lay with me. Please? I just, I need you.” He didn’t want to have another nightmare; Jared’s arms seemed the safest place to make sure that didn’t happen.

“We gotta stop meeting like this, hospital beds,” Jared murmured. Stretching out on his side he left his arm loose over Jensen’s hip so he didn’t hurt him. “Get comfortable. Good thing the nurses love you.”

“It’s my boyish charm and stunning looks.” Jensen mumbled and shifted closer, pressing into Jared. It made it easier not to think about reality, what had happened to him. “How’s everyone? Mom? Mack? _God_ Mack must have been freaking out.” Jensen pressed his lips to Jared’s shoulder, closing his eyes again.

“Everyone’s been in here to see you. I chased them all away this evening. Even Chad came by and he _hates_ hospitals.” Jared cupped the back of Jensen’s skull and nestled down into Jensen’s pillow. “Mack is good; she said you need a haircut. She washed your face and hands, cleaned up your arms for you. She’s growing up to be quiet the young woman.” Jared knew he was babbling - but he also could tell by the way Jensen relaxed against him that his voice was soothing his husband.

“Yeah. Gonna have to start beatin’ off the boys with a stick.” Jensen smiled sleepily against Jared’s body and sighed. “When can I go home?”

“Soon,” Jared shifted a little onto his back and let Jensen settle against him. “Just gotta make sure you’re all topped up on fluids, no infection. You’re all-” he was going to say _stitched up_ but didn’t want to draw Jensen’s attention back to the wounds. “Chad and Chris are anxious to have you home. They’ve been staying at the house. For some reason, _Jensen_ , they seem to think I’m incapable of cooking or making coffee. Can’t imagine where they got that idea.”

Jensen chuckled softly and curled his arm around Jared, squeezing. “Hmm, wonder where they’d get an idea like that.” He wanted to ask about what would happen now, would he have to talk to people about what happened, would he have to live out the details. But all of that was almost too scary to address. Almost. “Jared? This isn’t over huh?”

Sighing, Jared pressed his lips against Jensen’s hair. “Not quiet yet Jen. Your Mom is like a pit bull so no one’s come to talk to you yet. But as soon as you’re able you’re going to have to give a statement. Probably we can get one of the guys from our precinct to take it for you. Someone you know if that would make it easier? I can’t be there ‘cause I - well. There’s always an investigation when there’s a shooting you know? I’ll be cleared. Donna’s sure there won’t be any issues but it’s procedure.”

Jared found that he didn’t really _care_ about the investigation. There was always a debriefing after any shooting and Jared was pretty sure that there wasn’t a single cop who wouldn’t back him up for what he did.

“Called about the job,” Jared murmured softly. He wasn’t even sure if Jensen was still awake.

“Yeah? You really want it?” Jensen breathed in deep lungfuls of Jared’s scent, letting it slowly pull in back to sleep, keeping himself awake longer just to hear Jared answer.

“Well, I’ve got this husband to discuss it with first. We make decisions like that together.” Jared kissed the top of Jensen’s head.

“He sounds nice.” Jensen chuckled through an exhale and slumped against Jared’s body. “Stay?”

“Not going anywhere.” If Jared had _his_ way he’d be at the hospital until the moment he could take Jensen home.

“Kay, good.” Once more Jensen let himself drift off to sleep, knowing Jared would be there when he woke up.

-=-=-=-

The next time Jensen opened his eyes the ache wasn’t nearly as bad. He knew the medicine was constantly working to heal his cuts but he hadn’t realized how the rest of his body had been drained. All the blood he lost, and the lack of fluids for so long, getting them back was enough to make Jensen feel mostly human. There was no more warmth near him and Jensen frowned slightly before slowly turning his head, looking for Jared.

A far too feminine sounding squeak left his lips when his gaze landed on Chad. Kind of, _right there_. “Jesus Chad. Not. Funny.” He was smiling despite the words though, watching the slow smirk curve up on Chad’s lips. “You freaked me out, asshole.”

“Is that any way to greet the man who sent your husband for a shower? He was gross by the way.” Chad faked a shudder and sat back in the chair he’d dragged over. “How you feelin’ there wee Pads?”

“Like someone tried to kill me by slicing me up in a slaughter house.” Jensen said flatly then looked over at Chad, raising his eyebrows. “Too soon? Yeah. Probably. Uh, better. My head doesn’t hurt as much. And, I probably smell worse than Jared.” Jensen didn’t want to have to point out to Chad that he’d been bound to a chair for almost twenty four hours, and some things had been unavoidable. He shuddered at the thought.

“Your husband’s been takin’ care of you.” Chad smiled warmly. “You smell nice. That’s why I sent him to shower, brought him some clothes. You might not know this - but he doesn’t do so well without you around.” Chad’s expression softened a little and he reached out to pat Jensen’s arm.

“I don’t do so well without him.” Jensen whispered and closed his eyes for a moment, now that he tried he could just barely hear the shower behind the bathroom door. Hospital showers sucked, he could almost imagine Jared bitching about the water pressure.

When he opened his eyes again Chad was still watching him and Jensen felt his stomach churn. “I would have died Chad. I mean, I know, Jared and mom, they would have done everything they could. But there was no way to know where I was, and there’s so many abandoned slaughter houses, it would have been too late. And Jared would have, it would have killed him. That’s just- how do you get over something like that?”

Dropping his gaze Chad sighed quietly. "I don't know Jensen. Why do you think I came up here? I figure you boys could use a hand. Jared was, well, it doesn't matter now I guess. Just was really worried about him. He's talkin' about some job, changing things. Wants a farm with horses and big dogs. Guess you guys will have to just do what you do best and be _there_ for each other." In an uncharacteristic move Chad leaned over and grabbed Jensen's hand. "You know what I think?"

“That Jared would get bored living in a house on a farm even with horses and dogs?” Jensen muttered softly, squeezing Chad’s hand anyway. He knew Chad could handle the slight sarcasm and maybe improperly placed jokes.

Laughing Chad tilted his head slightly. “Probably. But what I really think is that you two can get through damn near anything. Doesn’t matter where ya live or what job he’s doin’. That man adores you. You’re like his whole life - it’s kinda something that I’m more than a bit jealous of. I want what you guys have. Only, you know, with other people. Someone else. What the fuck ever. You know what I mean.”

The door opened and Jared came out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam. “Fuckin’ stupid shower,” he mumbled.

“Thank _God_ Pads. Jensen was gettin’ all mushy about how much he loves me.” Leaning down quickly while Jared was toweling his hair dry Chad kissed Jensen’s cheek and whispered, “you tell anyone I was nice and it’s over for you and me.” Grinning he tousled Jensen’s hair.

“I hate showers with no water pressure.” Jared tossed the towel on the end of the counter. “Hey Jensen. You’re awake, how you feeling?”

Rolling his eyes Chad sank back down into the chair. “‘Cause I couldn’t possibly have made sure he was okay while you were gone for ten minutes.”

“Are you two sure you aren’t the old married couple?” Jensen murmured, smiling softly. He was still a little surprised by Chad’s words and behavior but it was probably something about his weakened state, people willing to be more honest with him. “I’m okay Jared. Maybe a little hungry, thirsty.” He lifted his hand toward Jared, thinking even a few feet was a little too much right now.

Reaching out to thread his fingers through his husband’s Jared grinned at Chad. “Could you-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Chad pushed up from the chair. “I know my duties as best friend. I’ll go tell ‘em Wee Pads needs some food and I’ll rustle up a drink. Water behind you.” Winking at Jensen Chad sauntered out of the room.

Jared reached behind him without letting go of Jensen’s hand and poured his husband a glass of water then held it out for him. “Here.”

“Thank you.” Jensen said softly and took the glass, bringing it up to his lips to sip from. “You feel a little better with your shower? Even with the crappy water pressure?” It was a pointless question really but Jensen wanted to be awake awhile, talk to his husband, feel normal.

“Yeah, Chad made me. He even brought me clothes. OH. I made him bring an extra t-shirt for you. One of mine. In case...” Jared shrugged. Somehow the idea felt a little silly now in light of what they’d been through. Jensen just had always seemed more comfortable in Jared’s clothes.

Jensen bit down on his lip and nodded slowly. “Yeah. Do you think they’d let me go wash off or something? Stand up for awhile?” Jensen still hadn’t heard exactly the extent of his damages but the idea of being stuck in a hospital bed for days made his skin crawl.

“Yeah, I can get you up. You can’t shower yet - but...” Jared looked toward the bathroom and frowned. “There’s a shower chair in there. How about I fill up the sink with hot water and if you _swear_ to stay on the chair we could get you clean?”

Jared had tried to wash Jensen while he was sleeping but it was difficult. Not only was it hard to get to all the blood and _worse_ on his husband’s body, but it was hard for Jared to even look at it. There were so many bandages and bruises and the answer just kept building up inside him again.

“Um. No that’s okay. I probably shouldn’t risk it.” Jensen dropped his gaze and shrugged. “Maybe, if you could just help me into the bathroom I can brush my teeth and splash some water on my face. Can I, would it be okay to get dressed? Maybe I should talk to a nurse or something.” He shifted on the bed, pushing himself up slightly, lips thinning out at the pricks of pain along his chest.

"Okay slow down there a second. One thing at a time. I can help you up but I'm not just leaving you in the bathroom." Jared slipped an arm under Jensen's back and helped him to sit up. Reaching up a little to push the button and lower the bed Jared helped Jensen to sit on the edge. "Just give yourself a few minutes to get used to sitting up, okay?"

It was hard to let himself be weak, Jensen had never been so good at that when it came to giving up control. “I’m fine Jared. Seriously, I feel a lot better than I did yesterday or, whenever that was. I’m fine.” He squeezed Jared’s arm, half smiling at him and looking away.

“It’s been three days since you came in and you’re not fine. You still want a nurse?” Jared stepped back a little and ran a hand through his hair.

“Three days?” Jensen looked up at Jared with slightly wide eyes. “Shit. I’m going to miss so much school.” He groaned a little at the thought and rubbed at the bandages on his chest. “Just help me to the bathroom okay? I just want to brush my teeth, stand up for awhile, that’s all.”

“Okay,” Jared said quietly. Holding out his hands he waited until Jensen had a hold on his arms and helped him to stand up. “Still good?” Jared didn’t care how much bitching Jensen’s did; he was going to make sure that Jensen was alright.

“Little dizzy.” Jensen tightened his hold on Jared’s arms and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply to ease off the tension. “Sorry, I’m just, trying to- I hadn’t realized it had been so long.” Jensen rested his forehead against Jared’s shoulder, tilting up to press his lips along his shirt.

“S’okay. You’re still healing Jensen. Things are gonna be a little off-kilter for a while.” Jared sighed and held on to Jensen just waiting patiently for him to be ready to stand again. “You still want to try and get up or you want to lie back down?”

“Get up.” Jensen whispered and pushed to his feet, glancing toward the door then reaching behind himself to pull the hospital gown together. No reason Chad should see anything the gown wouldn’t cover. “They’re letting you miss work?” Jensen asked to distract from the slight sway of his body.

“Took a leave.” Jared held on to his husband’s hand and let him get a little steadier before moving back slowly. “Hang on to my arm; I gotta grab your pole thing.”

“My what?” Jensen glanced around him as Jared grabbed the pole the IV bags and catheter bag were hanging on. “Oh. Yeah. That.” Jensen blushed for some ridiculous reason and looked down at the ground. He was wearing a pair of Jared’s socks, which was likely because he hated socks and didn’t have any pairs thick enough. For some reason it made him smile. “I’m wearing your socks.”

Jared returned the smile as they shuffled slowly toward the bathroom door. “I thought your feet might get cold.”

“Hm. Dirty hospital floor, the only time I’ll tolerate socks.” Jensen’s words were slightly breathy, vision a little blurry, but he kept them walking forward, reaching out with his free hand for the edge of the door and stepping into the room. He turned slightly to look up at Jared, blocking him from entering. “Just gonna brush my teeth, wash my face, okay? I promise I won’t try and break out through the window.”

“Okay there _is_ no window and I’m not worried about that. I just don’t want you falling over. You trying to get away from me?” Jared’s brow furrowed and a smile eased its way on and off his face.

“No. Not at all. I just, need.” Jensen rubbed along his chest once more and sighed, lifting his gaze slowly up to his husband’s. “I just need a minute okay? It’s not about you, I just, please?” He needed to look at himself for a few minutes and figure out what had changed, how _he_ had changed.

Frowning Jared stepped back and folded his arms. “Okay, but. Okay. I’ll be right outside the door though.” Jared was a bit nervous about leaving Jensen anywhere for _any_ amount of time. He also didn’t want Jensen to dwell on the injuries he was going to be dealing with.

“Okay.” Jensen nodded and slid further into the room, pulling the pole with him and turning to push the door shut. It was a pretty confined space but Jensen didn’t care, he only needed to see the mirror. He flipped the faucet on and grabbed the tooth brush there, it was his, obviously they’d been waiting for him to want this. He made quick work of cleaning his teeth, getting out the last of the dirty taste out and smearing his tongue with tooth paste to roll it around his mouth.

He left the faucet on as he dropped the tooth brush and slowly grabbed the edge of the hospital gown. His hands shook as he pulled the pale blue material up, blinking a few times at the bandages there around his thighs. _Shit_ , he’d forgotten about those ones. But they hadn’t been that deep; the material there was likely just to keep them from rubbing together. Pushing further up along the gown he tucked it under his chin and held it there, gaze racking over the bandages covering his chest.

The cut from his right shoulder down to his nipple had been fairly light, maybe that one wouldn’t scar. There were ones along his abs though, some on the left side of his body, all deeper ones. Jensen picked at the edge of the bandage along the middle of the chest, pulling back until he could see. For the most part Jensen wouldn’t consider himself very shallow, he didn’t always have the best confidence in his appearance but Jared had found that cute. This though, this wasn’t cute. This was a deep gash in his body reconnected by stitches, swollen and puffy and unnaturally red.

It wasn’t so much the mar to his skin, Jensen could look past that. But the meaning of it, the unwilling tattoo he’d suddenly gotten. For the rest of their lives this scar would bring them back to this moment in time. Whenever Jared saw it, he’d think of the man who left it, maybe he’d even think of shooting that man, _killing_ someone. Jensen was more than flawed. He was… disgusting. _Jesus_.

His head jerked up at the sound of voices beyond the door and he quickly smoothed the bandage back, dropping the hospital gown and bending down to splash water onto his face. Turning the faucet off, he stepped back and kept his gaze from the mirror, reaching out for the door and pulling it open. “Clean teeth.” Jensen murmured and tugged the pole forward, stepping back into the hospital room.

Jared smiled and stood up from the wall where he was leaning. “I was just telling Chad about you getting up. Which seems really lame now I said it out loud.”

“You’re always lame. They brought some food in for ya Jen and I got you some juice in case you wanted something other than water.” Chad paced back over to the other side of the room to look out the window.

“Back in bed then?” Jared frowned slightly at the look on Jensen’s face. “You okay?”

“I, yeah.” Jensen nodded and stepped forward, testing himself to see if he could do it himself. Everything spun slightly and he reached out for his husband. “Food sounds good. Is it liquids only?” He asked Chad’s back, trying to make it look a little less like he was about to fall over.

“Okay, _back_ in bed.” Jared slid his arm under Jensen’s and helped him over to the bed. “You’re just out of practice.” He had to actually lift Jensen back up onto his mattress and frowned down at him before brushing his hand against his husband’s cheek.

“You have a _shit_ view,” Chad muttered.

“You really want something to eat?” Jared pulled the tray over and slid it across Jensen’s lap. “Jello or something might be nice.”

“Jello.” Jensen scoffed slightly and shifted on the bed, hitting the button so the bed folded up so he could sit upright. “How about, steak? Potatoes? Brownies? Are there still brownies at home or have you two eaten them all?” Jensen blinked a few times, turning his gaze up to his husband. “When was the last time you were actually at home?”

“I. Well, there was-”

“He _hasn’t_ been home,” Chad interrupted. “Not once. Why you think I brought him clothes?” Chad looked over defiantly at Jared who shot him a filthy look back.

“I wanted to be here.” Jared sank down on to the edge of the bed. “If there are no brownies left it’s because of Mutt and Jeff _not_ me.”

“Mutt and Jeff?” Jensen blinked from Jared to the laughing Chad. “I’m apparently missing something.” He’d address the Jared not going home thing when Chad wasn’t in the room, no reason to start a lover’s spat with an audience.

Jared got a pained expression on his face for a few moments and shook his head. “Young people.” He huffed and sat down. “Cartoon characters. Look, never mind. Chris and Chad I’m sure have eaten the brownies and probably been into the beer too.”

Chad held up his hands. “I plead the fifth.”

“As long as he pays for groceries, someone might as well be enjoying our house.” Jensen arched his eyebrows at Jared, slight smile on his lips.

“Oh trust me; Chad is enjoying your house.” Chris said by way of a greeting as he entered the room, grinning from ear to ear. “Glad to see you’re awake this time Jen, I keep coming in to you drooling.”

“Ah my loving friends.” Jensen sighed but smiled at Chris, eyes darting down to the bag he was carrying. “What did you bring me?”

Chris arched his eyebrows and looked over at Chad. “Did I not tell you that he is _not_ a sweetheart?”

“He’s adorable.” Chad smirked.

“Shall I leave you all alone to visit?” Jared figured maybe Jensen had had enough of him for a while. Maybe that’s what the whole bathroom thing was about. “I could go get us all sodas or something.” He shifted back a little on Jensen’s bed.

“Don’t go.” Jensen said sharply, too sharply, flushing when everyone turned to look at him. “I um. Just, don’t go.” He ducked his head down, picking at the Jello on the tray in front of him.

“Maybe Chad and I should go get sodas?” Chris suggested, setting the bag on a nearby chair. “We’ll be back in a few minutes, okay?” Chris nodded toward Chad. “And Jared, we’ll bring you some food, gotta keep your strength up.”

“Be back in a bit Jen.” Chad smiled as he trailed out of the room behind Chris.

Jared’s forehead wrinkled slight as he moved a little closer to Jensen. “Did Chad say somethin’ stupid earlier? Do you want me to get rid of him?” Jared was a bit confused. Chris hadn’t even been in the room long enough to have done anything.

Taking Jensen’s hand in his Jared sighed. “What are you thinking about?”

Frowning slightly Jensen shrugged. “I didn’t mean they had to leave too you know? I just, didn’t want you to go. Because, now that I’m improving so much you’ll probably go home to sleep tonight and I just want to be awake with you for awhile. And Chad didn’t say anything, he was being very nice but don’t tell him I told you.” Jensen used his free hand to open the Jello, staring at the wiggling red mass.

“Are you really okay?” Jared kept his voice soft, his fingers moving gently against Jensen’s hand.

 _No._ Jensen blinked up at Jared and rolled his shoulders, incapable of completely, flat out lying. “I will be. Just want to get out of here. I can’t even think about all the school I’m missing.” He dropped his eyes back to the Jello and pulled his hand free so he could grab the spoon and scoop some up.

Letting out a long sigh Jared sat back a little. “I don’t believe you. But. That can be your answer for now.” Jared watched quietly while Jensen ate some of the Jello. It didn’t seem like much nourishment but he supposed it was a start.

He reached over to the table and grabbed one of the bottles of juice Chad had brought up. “Do you really want me to go home tonight? I could stay here.” Jared kept his gaze down, eyes on the bottle as he pretended to be reading the label.

“You need a full night of sleep. In a bed. I can’t imagine how out of whack your body must be. I mean, your neck and everything.” Jensen forced down a few more spoonfuls of Jello before setting it back down. “You could cuddle with Chad.” He meant it to be teasing but it sounded kind of flat. “Or you could try and sneak me out of here. I’d be okay with that.”

“You can’t come home till all these things are out.” Jared waved at the tubes. “If you don’t need me here I guess... I guess I’ll go home then when the guys come back. Let them visit with you for a while.” The last place Jared wanted to be was anywhere that meant he’d be away from Jensen. He also wanted Jensen to feel independent and knew that he was bound to be feeling a little shaky about everything for a while.

Later on Jensen couldn’t say what possessed him at that moment but it hit him so swiftly he couldn’t escape it. His lower lip trembled for a moment then the sob caught in his throat, it was almost painful, tearing up his throat and causing his body to hunch in on itself as his shoulders shook. Maybe it was the idea of Jared, or of Jared thinking, he wanted him to leave, or _everything_. The way the sobs wracked his body now though he could barely breathe.

“Jesus,” Jared hissed. Shifting quickly he shoved the rolling table out of the way and pulled Jensen into his arms. “Hey. What’s wrong? _Oh_ , Jensen, you gotta talk to me.” Jared pressed Jensen’s face into his chest and stroked his hair. He’d never felt more out of his depth; scared and confused himself he felt like he was just making things worse by not knowing how to help his husband.

“I-I dont-” Jensen clung to Jared’s chest, curling fingers in his shirt and holding tight. “Don’t want you t-to go. Please. I’m sorry. Just, please.” He inhaled sharply and turned further into Jared.

“Okay, okay.” Jared blew out a breath. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay right here but you gotta calm down a little okay?” Jared’s heart was racing and he rubbed his husband’s back gently.

Chad appeared in the doorway and Jared looked up and shook his head slightly. Chad nodded and backed out and Jared thanked _God_ yet again for his friend.

“So, listen Jensen. I’m gonna stay right here tonight okay? Then we’ll talk to the doctor later and see if we can’t get you home. Get things back to normal a little yeah?” His hands moved restlessly over Jensen’s back, his hair. “Love you so much.”

Jensen sniffed loudly and nodded, forcing the tears back down, forcing all the emotions away. Jared was right, he needed to calm down, he shouldn’t be falling apart like this. Even Chad had said it, there was nothing they couldn’t get through together and Jensen was _strong_ , he should be able to handle it. “Love you too.” He whispered and pressed his lips to Jared’s shirt before sitting back, wiping his tears away with his hand. “Sorry. M’better now.”

"Nothing to apologize for, God Jensen. What you went through was-" Jared felt the familiar anger rising in him and rubbed at his face. "This is gonna take time. You're gonna be scared and cry and probably be angry at yourself, at me. And you know, it's all gonna be okay. No matter what." Smiling Jared picked up his husband's hand in both of his. "I'm not goin' anywhere and we'll get through this."

“Why would I be mad at you?” Jensen looked up at him, frowning slightly. “It would be silly to be mad at you.” He shrugged and squeezed Jared’s hand, leaning in to lay his forehead on Jared’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t be mad at you for any reason Jared. This is, it’s my thing you know? So you’ll do what you do and support me and be amazing, like always. And if I get angry it won’t be at you.” He was kind of babbling now, caught up on everything. Maybe he really did just need to be out of the hospital.

“Yeah. God Jensen. What’s goin’ on in your head?” Jared sighed again, chest tight and aching. “Should I get a nurse? Maybe you should have something to sleep or... I don’t know.” Jared rubbed at his eyes over Jensen’s shoulder. “I feel a little lost here. Should I call Donna? She’s been worried about you.”

“Am I seriously freaking you out that much?” Jensen whispered and pulled back a little pursing his lips. “I’m fine. But you can call my mom if you want, I’m sure she’s already been by a million times to see me. And you can tell Chad and Chris they don’t have to keep hanging out in the hallway, I know they’re there.” Jensen shrugged and reached for his Jello again, pushing away the feelings he couldn’t name or place.

Dropping his hands to his lap Jared frowned and stood. “Okay. I’ll just-” he waved at the door and headed over. As soon as he was out in the hall he leaned back against the wall and covered his eyes with his hand.

Chad’s voice came from near his shoulder. “It’s gonna take him a while to be back to himself. You know that.”

“I know,” Jared mumbled. He just felt like he was on a roller coaster. One moment Jensen seemed okay, like he was trying to be strong and then - _fuck_ \- he’d looked as though he would have gone into a full blown panic if Jared had left the room. “It’s hard... I just- I don’t know what to do.” Dropping his hand Jared smiled at Chad and glanced over at Chris.

“Jensen’s always been a bit more complex than normal people.” Chris offered with a shrug. “He’ll get there. We just have to, I don’t know. Watch him, keep him talking about stuff. Want me to give it a go?” He smiled sympathetically at Jared, glancing wearily toward the door.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll just sit out here with Chad? Tell him I’m right here though. He doesn’t seem to want me very far away.” Jared’s lips were a thin line, his shoulders tense.

Chad slung his arm over Jared’s shoulder. “G’on Chris I’ll keep Pads company.”

Chris nodded and patted Jared’s arm once before heading into the hospital room. He smiled at Jensen, grabbing the chair and bag and dragging them close. “Hey man, how’s the Jello?”

Jensen glanced up at the door before looking back at Chris and settling his Jello down. “Have you been sent in here to make sure I don’t wig out again?” He frowned down at his lap, picking at the sheets slowly.

“Nah, I think I’m starting to annoy Chad. Don’t think he came out here planning on spending so much time with some guy he didn’t know.” Chris grinned and folded one leg over the other.

“No, he came out here because he needed to support Jared if I died.” Jensen said flatly and glanced up at his friend, judging his reaction. Not like he was looking for a specific reaction, just, checking.

“Jensen, don’t say things like that.” Chris sighed and dropped his leg back down onto the floor. “Shit man, you had a horrible thing happen to you and yeah, it’s gonna be really tough to get past that but it’s _over_. Okay? You’re alive, and you’re here and that’s what matters.”

“Yeah.” Jensen bit back the retort on his lips, something like, _wow, thanks for **that** piece of helpful advice_. He couldn’t snap at Chris, that would only drive him away. Glancing back at the door, Jensen frowned, wishing Jared would come back in.

“He’s just out in the hall Jensen. He’s talking to Chad.” Chris touched his arm, drawing Jensen’s attention back to him. “Here, I brought you this.”

“Oh yeah.” Jensen had forgotten the gift but he reached out for it now, pulling a sketchbook out from the bag with a new set of already sharpened pencils. Jensen hadn’t really thought about art at all over the last few days but then, he’d been so in and out of it that wasn’t too surprising. “Thanks Chris.”

“I figured you’d need something to keep you busy while you’re stuck in here.” Chris shrugged and took the bag back, folding it up slowly. “Look, you’re probably going to hear this a lot but, if you need to talk to someone you know I’m here for you. I know sometimes you like to spare Jared some things, so you can count on me. For whatever okay?”

Jensen figured yeah, he probably would be hearing it a lot. Everyone was willing to lend an ear. But how the hell was Jensen supposed to tell them anything when he couldn’t even name it himself? There weren’t words for the way he felt, or how quickly it shifted. “Thanks Chris, I. Well, I’ll remember. If I need to.”

“See that you do.” Chris squeezed his arm reassuringly and narrowed his gaze slightly. “And I mean it Jensen; don’t feel like you have to keep this all to yourself. I know you will but this thing? It’s something you should talk to someone about, hell, maybe even a counselor or something. Post traumatic stress Jensen, it’s a real thing. Okay?”

Sighing softly, Jensen nodded and curled his hands over the book. “I know. I got it.”

“Jensen.” Donna’s voice came from the door. She must have been already on her way over and she looked relieved to see him awake.

Suddenly the room was full, with his mom and sister, brother and sister-in-law, baby in Karen’s arm. Jensen was feeling just a little overwhelmed, even if everyone meant the best with their greetings. He got hugs from every member of his family, too long and too tight, the girl’s all had tears in their eyes. Even Josh looked a little unusually emotional and he ruffled Jensen’s hair a little too forcefully.

Apparently his family had taken the idea of helping Jensen by distracting him with normal things. Jensen learned all about the change in his niece’s sleeping pattern, and about Mack’s classes. Even Donna managed to steer clear of work topics and told him all about some of the improvements she wanted to make to the house instead. It was all kind of weird truthfully, the way they skirted around the fact that Jensen was there in the hospital because he’d been kidnapped by a mad man and nearly killed a few days before.

Jensen loved them, he always would, be he could feel his control slipping. And Jared was likely still out in the hall because he wanted to give him time with his family. It wasn’t helping, none of it was. That scared Jensen, like this _should_ be helping and he was broken somehow by not finding peace in it.

So when he snapped, it was maybe expected even if it made the room fall silent so quickly the previously chattering voices echoed around the room.

“Could you all stop pretending like I didn’t almost die a few days ago?” His own voice sounded weird to his ears, especially in the silence that followed.

“Jensen,” Donna sighed softly and laid her hand on Mack’s shoulder when the girl inhaled sharply. “Maybe, maybe we should go.”

“Why? Because if we talk about it then I’m going to fall apart or something?” Jensen frowned and slid his arms across his chest. “I don’t get it, isn’t it better to address the fact that a mad man sliced me apart? Or is this just, some weird thing. Some people offer to listen while my family pretends like it doesn’t happen.”

“Jensen!” Jared had heard that raised voice of his husband then the silence. “Stop it.” He _knew_ that his husband was hurting but all his family was trying to do was be _normal_ Everyone had been out of their minds with worry for two days and now - they had Jensen back.

Glancing over at Donna Jared shrugged slightly and winced. “Jensen’s tired. It’s been a hard day.”

“That’s understandable, we should probably go anyway.” Donna nodded slowly, looking uncertainly between Jared and Jensen. “Mack, say goodbye to your brother and go wait in the hall.”

Jensen was kind of too numb to say anything else at this point. He muttered an apology to his sister when she hugged him and one to Karen and Josh as they headed out as well. At some point Chris had vacated the room so it was just Jared and his mom. He couldn’t look at Jared, couldn’t look at his mom either, just stared down at his hands.

“Okay Jensen. It was probably a little much to bring everyone here and I’m sorry I didn’t think more about that but you can’t talk to your sister like that. She was so scared for you, and you just, you can’t talk like that okay?” Donna stepped closer to Jensen’s bed, frowning down at him.

Jensen knew that look, clear disappointment that only his mother could perfect. “Sorry mom.” He said flatly and looked away. “I promise not to talk that way again.”

“Good.” Donna nodded and dipped down, kissing his temple and straightening out. “Call me soon okay?”

“Yes mom.” Jensen nodded and listened to the click of his mom’s shoes, the pause when she stopped to squeeze Jared’s arm. When she was gone Jensen didn’t look up, just shifted around to find the button to lay the bed back. “Sorry Jared.” He added quietly, figuring he might as well.

Jared walked around to the side of the bed. “We going to bed now?” He hesitated there, not knowing if Jensen wanted him there still then decided he wasn’t giving him a choice.

Sliding onto the mattress Jared pressed up against Jensen’s side. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yup.” Jensen whispered, closing his eyes and ignoring the slight sting of pain he felt as he tried to curl into himself and press back against Jared.

“What was it like? Thinking you were going to die. I mean. I know what I can imagine it was like but I don’t think that’s real.” Jared’s voice was hardly above a whisper and he reached over to push the button above the bed to turn the light off. “Tell me?”

Jensen blinked a few times, surprised by the question. “Awful? I, I guess it was like, he kept saying all these things and sometimes I ignored it. I picked the tape off my arm you know? That’s why my hand.” Jensen shrugged and sighed softly. “But the times when I thought maybe this was it, I felt, hopeless. Empty. Alone. And scared, for you, for how you’d feel if you didn’t find me in time. That’s, probably weird huh?”

“No. I don’t think any of this is weird. What kept you going?” Jared slid his arm over Jensen’s hip and nestled closer. It was _just_ like Jensen to worry about Jared.

“What do you think?” Jensen smiled slightly and draped his arm over Jared’s. “I kept thinking you’d come find me, that you wouldn’t stop until you did. Sometimes my family, how it would kill mom, and poor Mack. Sick fuck said he was going to dump my body on the doorstep so she’s find it first. Couldn’t let that happen. Then you. It always came back to you.”

“I was terrified,” Jared whispered. “When Chad called I could hardly talk. He was already on his way.” Just thinking about how he felt that night brought fresh tears to Jared’s eyes. “I kept thinking if I wasn’t at work so late you wouldn’t have been out. Or - you know - if I’d taken that job you would have been safe. It’s weird how all those things kind of just come into your head.”

Sniffing quietly Jared rested his chin on Jensen’s shoulder. Slipping his fingers under Jensen’s hospital gown, Jared rubbed his side gently.

Jensen tensed slightly at the touch, not wanting Jared’s fingers to have to move over something as torn up as his body. But it was all still covered now so it was okay. “I don’t think it was ever that easy. I think he would have found another way to get me. He planned it you know? I was just, in his eyes, the perfect target because it got at both you and mom. It was all a game for him. So just, don’t think it’s your fault. He was just some sick twisted guy and he got what he deserved.” There was definitely a strong level of peace to be had at the idea of the man being dead.

“I’ve never killed anyone before.” Jared hadn’t said it out-loud. He knew it would be part of his job one day. But the frightening thing was that he hadn’t even hesitated. Not for an instant.

“I know.” Jensen whispered and squeezed his eyes closed. “I’m sorry you had to.”

“I’m not sorry I killed him.” Jared shifted his hand again, spreading his fingers out to touch the warmth of Jensen’s skin. “S’just scary to think that I could do it that easy. Because - he was hurting you... and-” Jared’s voice broke slightly and he coughed, turning his face away from Jensen.

“I would have done the same in a heartbeat.” Jensen admitted and exhaled slowly, feeling the drain from all the interactions he’d had while awake. “Can we sleep now?”

“Sure. Sorry, I- I’ve just missed talking to you.” Jared closed his eyes against the sadness welling in him. Jensen had a long way to go.

“I know. I have too. We have time now though.” Jensen was definitely set on making the best of life now, once he figured out a way to get over this thing that thrown everything in his life off balance.


	6. Chapter 6

It was weird coming home. They’d kept Jensen in the hospital an additional few days just to insure his wounds were healing and his fluid intake was good. Jensen thought, judging from the way everyone kept watchful eyes on him, that they might also be looking for some big dramatic meltdown. Mostly he kept it to himself though. After that first day of being awake and mildly exploding on everyone, he realized that Chris was wrong. Some things you shouldn’t talk about.

It was the middle of the day when Jared drove him home but the first time he saw their house again after nearly a week of not being there made something unpleasant stir in him. Even though he knew the guy was dead, Jensen was looking for his van, expecting him around any corner. It didn’t help that he’d had to finally give his statement to the police, living out the details once more and trying to not let it affect him.

Not even knowing the two officers there listening to the story helped. Maybe it even made it worse. As far as he could tell they all seemed relieved that Jared had killed the man.

Then there had been reporters outside the hospital, Jensen an unwitting semi-celebrity in the wake of such a public and terrifying serial killer. Jared had easily shouldered him through the crowd, clearly annoyed at their presence, and Jensen suspected the cop car he saw parked a few houses up from theirs had been assigned to ensure the reporters didn’t try to come there.

Jensen slid out of the passenger seat before Jared could come around to help him. He wanted to prove that he was healed enough to be home, didn’t want Jared to worry so much about him. But walking up to their front door felt weird and unnerving and Jensen reached out for Jared without really thinking about it. He didn’t miss the concerned look that filtered over Jared’s face and tried to smile reassuringly at him.

Being inside was better; there were no negative feelings associated with their home. Jared had a bag of their things; Jensen was clutching the sketch book Chris had given him, standing just inside the front door like he wasn’t sure what to do.

“Chad here?” Jensen asked quietly, looking over at Jared.

“Probably hiding in the spare room to give you some time to settle in.” Jared smiled and locked the door behind them. “Want me to get him?” He hovered nervously near his husband, holding the bag in both hands.

“No, that’s okay.” Jensen smiled at Jared before heading down the hall to their bedroom. That room he knew for sure was safe and familiar, could offer him some type of peace. He slipped his shoes off and set the sketchbook down on the dresser, turning to Jared when he entered. “Here, I can unload the bag.”

“I’ll do it - do you need to rest?” Jared set the bag on the bed. It was stupid but he was nervous having Jensen at home. He’d never felt that way around his husband before but lately, it seemed like he just didn’t have the ability to grasp what Jensen might be going through no matter how hard he tried. “Why don’t you change into something that doesn’t smell like the hospital?”

Jared’s eyes widened slightly then he put the bag down on the end of the bed and walked over to slip his arms around Jensen’s waist. “I know. Why don’t I turn on the shower and get it nice and warm and we can have a shower?”

“No.” Jensen said sharply, too sharp, and winced, shaking his head. “Sorry, I just, um. I should rinse off but I’m pretty tired. So probably just real quick. I can manage.” He smiled weakly up at Jared and patted his arm once before breaking away, turning to head to the dresser. He was barely aware of opening Jared’s drawers, picking out Jared’s clothes to wear.

Frowning slightly Jared headed over to his husband’s side. “Okay, here. Give me that shirt and I’ll throw it all in the wash. I hate that smell of the hospital.” Jared figured it had been far too much a part of their lives so far.

“I um, it’s okay. I mean, we can just wash it later yeah?” Jensen stepped back slightly, not wanting to take his shirt off there, right in front of Jared. Not before he could _see_ just how bad he looked. “I’ll just be a minute.” Jensen headed for the doorway to the bathroom, pausing there and gripping the wooden frame. “You, are you staying? You’re not going anywhere?” He asked over his shoulder, head tilted slightly back toward Jared.

“No... of course. I’ll just. I’ll go and get a drink or something and come right back in. I’ll let Chad know we’re okay? Alright?” Jared took a step toward Jensen then hesitated and turned at the last minute to pick up the bag and drop it down on the bed.

“Okay.” Jensen nodded and stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He hesitated for just a moment before locking it, feeling sick as the lock turned under his fingers.

It wasn’t Jared, it never could be, but Jensen _knew_ how bad the marks were even with the bandages. Now they were off and he couldn’t stand the idea of Jared seeing him like that. He turned the shower on before moving to the mirror, frowning at his worn expression before slowly gripping the hem of his shirt. There was only a slight pain when he pulled it off but it took a solid minute before he could meet his reflection’s gaze once more.

The stitches were already on their way toward dissolving, the skin not nearly as red and puffy as before. Instead it was just lines, some jagged, some deep. Jensen’s fingers shook as he lifted his hand and touched the deepest one on the middle of his chest. Even with the cream the doctors had given him it would scar. Jensen could be sick by that thought alone, forever carrying the mark of what was done to him.

Unable to stand looking at himself any longer Jensen turned and kicked off the rest of his clothes, stepping quickly into the shower and turning the temperature up. He cranked it, hotter than any water he’d usually shower with, and grabbed the soap. In truth he was only half aware of just how hard he was scrubbing his skin, working the soap over every inch of himself, avoiding the worst marks just to bypass the pain.

He scrubbed his hair last before finally turning the water out and snagging a towel. It was routine to do the usual things, shaving because he hadn’t in almost a week and the facial hair felt weird, brushing his teeth though he just had at the hospital before they left. It wasn’t routine to dress in the bathroom, but Jensen thought it could be dismissed to the fact that company was over. If Jared asked.

He carried his old clothes out of the bathroom and through the room to the washer; half smiling when he realized Jared had waited to start a load. That was Jared, considerate over the little things. Even though his skin was still red from the too hot shower he headed down the hall toward the voices he heard in the kitchen, feeling just a little more human now that he was completely clean.

“No more faux beard.” Jensen rubbed his fingers along his clean shaven jaw as he stepped into the kitchen, crossing toward Jared out of habit.

“Hey, c’mere lemme smell you.” Jared held out his arms and Chad groaned.

“I see the schmoop level hasn’t changed much since I last saw you boys.” Chad picked up his beer and took a long pull on the bottle.

“We wouldn’t want to disappoint you Chad.” Jensen laughed softly and slid into Jared’s embrace, wrapping arms around him and laying a head on his shoulder. “Nice to not be in the hospital anymore. Let’s try to make it three years next time before one of us is there okay?”

“Let’s try to make it never.” Jared laughed and rubbed his hand over Jensen’s shoulder. “You want a juice or soda or something? Chad’s into the beer and I might have one if that’s okay with you.” Jared knew that Jensen had come home from the hospital with pain meds although he didn’t think he’d actually taken any of them.

“Sure, you can do whatever.” Jensen shrugged, smiling softly up at Jared before stepping back. “I’ll just have some water. Weird how they gave me so much fluid at the hospital and yet I’m thirsty. I guess getting it through your arm doesn’t really quench anything.” Jensen turned to reach up for a glass, hissing softly at the pull across his chest. _That_ was going to take some getting used to.

Jared reached over his husband and pulled a glass down for him. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Jensen nodded, taking the glass and turning to the faucet to fill it up. “So Chad, how long are you planning on blessing us with your wonderful presence?” It was easy to fall back into the teasing nature, like a comfortable skin or something.

Jared frowned and turned to grab a beer out of the fridge.

“Well, Pads here is off for another week so I figured just a couple more days then you guys can have some time to yourselves before everything gets busy. Jared says you’re gonna have some catchin’ up to do at school?”

“Chad,” Jared warned. “He doesn’t have to think about that yet.” Jared popped his beer open and took a sip.

“I think I’ll take the rest of the semester off.” Jensen said quietly, glancing toward Jared since he hadn’t really told him that plan yet. “Missing a few weeks now is going to throw me off. But I can make it up in the fall, or something. Depends on everything I guess.” He shrugged and sipped from his water, picking at the edge of Jared’s shirt he wore.

“What? You can’t, I mean. Wow.” Jared put his beer down on the counter. “I thought we talked about stuff like that.”

“Jesus, is this another one of those times when I should disappear?” Chad moaned and stood up.

“Sit down Chad. It’s nothing.” Jared forced a smile onto his face. “I guess Jensen’s just made up his mind.”

“It’s not like I’m the only one who makes important decisions without discussing them.” Jensen said before he could stop himself, eyes widening for a moment before he sighed. “Sorry. That was, lame. I just said I was _thinking_ about it. That’s something we can talk about Jared, go over the options and stuff.”

“Yeah,” Jared murmured. He smiled again and headed over to sit down by Chad at the counter. He didn’t want to fight _again_ about his decision about the job especially seeing as he’d gone out of his way this time to tell Jensen that they would discuss it. Sighing he leaned his elbow on the counter. “Chad, you wanna watch a movie or something tonight? Drink beer?”

Chad grinned and sank back down onto his stool. “I absolutely do. Jensen? How ‘bout it?”

Jensen was pretty sure the only thing he’d be if he joined the two was a downer. They really didn’t need that now. “Nah. I’m just going to lie down. You two hang out; have fun and all that stuff.” He nodded slowly and pushed away from the counter, heading for the doorway. “Just wake me up if you’re going to go somewhere okay?”

“Want me to come and lay down with you for a bit?” Jared slid his beer away and stood up.

“G’on, I’ll pick a movie while you two cuddle.” Chad laughed and took his beer with him over to the shelf of DVD’s.

Leading the way down the hall Jensen set his glass down on the nightstand and pulled the covers back, sliding onto the bed. It was incredibly nice to be on this bed, softer and bigger than the hospital one. He shifted around, busying himself with little actions as Jared joined him. “You don’t have to you know. I mean, you should spend some time with Chad, I’m sure you could use some time not dealing with me.”

“I’m not _dealing_ with you.” Jared sighed and pulled his t-shirt off and slipped into bed beside Jensen. “I can stay for a bit and then go play with Chad. He’s not going anywhere.” Jared reached out and slipped his fingers under the hem of Jensen’s shirt. “Take this off, wanna touch you.”

Jensen’s eyes widened and he slipped back until Jared’s hand was no longer near the shirt. “It’s- I’m cold. So, I should keep it on.” He tucked his arms over his chest, keeping his eyes down so Jared wouldn’t see the look in his eyes. How could he even let Jared touch those marks?

“I can warm you up.” Jared shifted closer and tucked his fingers back under Jensen’s shirt to rub gently on his belly. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered against his husband’s neck.

“Jared. Don’t.” Jensen dropped his hand to Jared’s arm and pushed back, sliding his hand free. Tears pricked sharp at his eyes and he looked away, trying to force them back. “I- just. I’d rather keep it on.”

“Oh. Okay. Jensen? Did I do something wrong? You can tell me. I mean. I won’t get mad. If this is about the job thing - I only talked to them about whether or not the job was still available. I won’t make a decision until we’ve talked.” Jared pulled back slightly and dropped his head down onto his pillow.

“No. No you haven’t done anything wrong. You’ve been perfect.” Jensen frowned, rolling slightly to get closer to Jared then shifting back, uncertain. He hadn’t felt this unsure with Jared in years, if ever really. It was worse knowing it was his fault. “It’s just me. I’m sorry. But you’re okay.” He reached out to touch Jared’s arm lightly, silently pleading with him to come closer again.

Jared stared at his husband for a few moments wondering _what_ the hell was really going on. Moving his arm up along the pillow Jared smiled slightly. “Come here?” He was hesitant to try and touch his husband again, which was just too much to take. Closing his eyes Jared waited and felt relief wash over him when Jensen shifted to lie across his chest. “I really did miss you,” Jared murmured.

“Me too.” Jensen whispered and tilted his head up. “Jared?” He waited until Jared met his eyes before half smiling. “Kiss me?” He was pretty sure they hadn’t really kissed in the week since everything happened. And he couldn’t even begin describing just how much he’d missed Jared.

The smile on Jared’s face grew and he dipped his head down to catch Jensen’s lips with his. Sliding them gently at first, Jensen’s were still a little dry and rough, Jared slipped his arm up over Jensen’s back and shifted him a little closer. _God_ he’d missed kissing his husband, feeling the weight of Jensen’s body against his. Moaning softly he parted his lips and slanted his mouth over Jensen’s to deepen the kiss.

It felt like it had been far too long since Jensen had felt any sort of pleasure that he was almost surprised by it. Jensen pushed up Jared’s body, pressing closer and moaning when Jared’s tongue slipped forward to meet his own. It was such a _relief_ to feel heat from the kiss, to know his body would respond if they went down this path, Jensen could almost cry out from that idea alone. A part of him hard been terrified he was broken, too messed up now to enjoy any pleasure. “God Jared,” he gasped into the kiss, knowing Jared understood that it meant _I’ve missed you too much_ and _I love you_.

Moaning softly Jared slid one hand up into his husband’s damp hair and hesitated a moment before sliding the other hand just under the bottom of his t-shirt to press against the small of his back. _There_ , Jensen was right where he should be, lips moving against Jared’s, body pressed into his. Jared sucked in a shudder of a breath and let his tongue slide forward to tangle gently with Jensen’s for a few moments before pulling back to ghost just along the healing surface of the man’s bottom lip.

Jensen had to work to not pull away from Jared’s hand on his skin. That was okay, his back was okay. Jared could touch there and Jensen would know the skin was still smooth and unmarred. “Missed kissing you.” Jensen murmured, pressing another lingering kiss on Jared’s lips, unable to resist deepening the kiss once more.

Jared groaned softly into his husband’s mouth and pulled back a little. He placed a trail of soft kisses along Jensen’s lips and along his jaw. “I gotta stop or I’m gonna wanna ravage you,” he grinned and nuzzled into Jensen’s neck. He smelled right, now, warm and sweet, soapy and clean and _Jensen_. Breathing in slowly Jared rubbed his hand in small circles on Jensen’s back. “God, I missed touching you.”

It was easy to feel torn in the situation. Part of Jensen wanted to demand Jared go tell Chad to disappear for a few hours so they could get reacquainted, but Jensen could still feel the burn of his stitches and that kept him in check. “Plenty of time for that soon.” Jensen smiled softly down at him and sighed, shifting down to lay on Jared’s chest. “We wouldn’t want Chad to feel neglected. You know how sensitive he gets.”

“I know, he’ll wait a bit though. You okay? Just need some rest?” Jared smoothed Jensen’s hair back and smiled as his husband’s fingers moved gently on his chest. He loved the way Jensen touched him, always had, always would.

Drawing little hearts on Jared’s chest, Jensen slowly nodded. “Yeah, in our bed. I would prefer you stay but you should have the chance to spend time with Chad. But soon we’ll lay in bed all day together right? I kind of want you around a lot, in case you didn’t notice.”

“I did notice.” Jared smiled into his husband hair and sighed. “I’m off work for another week and I’m _not_ leaving you alone. Not until you say it’s okay or kick me out or something. Chris is coming over to spend some time with you tomorrow so I can take Chad out. I ... well, he was really good to me when he got here. Just wanted to spend a bit of time with him. Make sure he’s good and thanked. He’ll hate it.” Jared laughed softly and rubbed Jensen’s back.

“Oh. Okay. Chris doesn’t have to come over, I’ll be fine.” Jensen was going to have to spend time alone in the house at some point; he might as well jump on board with the idea to get over things as soon as possible. “You want to go out there now?” Jensen slid back slightly, closing his eyes because it was easier. For what he wasn’t sure.

“I guess, yeah. We’ll just watch a movie and I’ll come to bed. You just yell if you need anything okay?” Jared lingered, not quite ready to let Jensen go. “It was Chris’ idea by the way. I think he misses you.”

“I think he’s worried I’ll get all crazy and kill myself.” Jensen muttered and shifted back on the bed, turning his back to Jared and pulling his knees up. “I’ll probably- I mean, I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”

Jared rolled over and stood before he could change his mind. “You want me to wake you when I come to bed?” He took a few steps backwards toward the door.

Closing his eyes around the bite of tears, Jensen wished he could stop being so ridiculous. “If you feel like it.” He whispered, throat tight, turning into the pillow to bury his face in the soft fluffy pillow.

“Okay,” Jared said. Standing there a few moments longer he finally sighed and headed to the door. “I’ll wake you.” Closing the door behind him he leaned against it for a few moments in case Jensen called him back. When he heard nothing he headed down the hall to Chad.

Jensen held his breath until it hurt and exhaled against the pillow, the air thick and moist over him. It _hurt_ to feel like he did, to close his eyes and see that man’s wicked smile and hear his harsh laugh. Sometimes Jensen felt like he could still feel the press of a blade over his skin. Above all that Jensen heard the movie start, too loud at first then quieting as they turned it down. Jensen sobbed into his pillow, wishing he knew what to do to fix himself without pulling everyone down with him.

-=-=-=-

Jared had woken Jensen when he’d gone to bed the night before but Jensen was exhausted. Smiling Jared remembered how Jensen had fallen back to sleep kissing him, his lips moving slower and slower against Jared’s as he gave in to fatigue. It was as though Jensen was scared if he stopped Jared would disappear.

For once, Jared was up before Jensen in the morning and had already made coffee and _watched_ Chad cook breakfast, called Chris and made plans for the day by the time Jensen emerged from the bedroom.

“Hey sleepyhead.” Jared spun on the stool and held out his arms for Jensen.

“Mornin’ Jen, want some pancakes?” Chad filled up a mug with coffee and slid it toward Jensen. There was already cream and sugar on the counter.

“Wow. I could get used to this.” Jensen half smiled, still sleepy, crossing to Jared to step into his arms and lean against him. “Thanks Chad, food smells good.” He pressed a small kiss to the corner of Jared’s lips before dipping forward to make up his coffee.

“We should keep Chad as a houseboy.” Jared smirked and slung his arm low on Jensen’s back.

“Kiss my ass Jared. If you could _cook_ I wouldn’t have to impress your husband here with my awesomeness.” Chad flipped a pancake and looked quite pleased with himself.

“When will y’all learn that pretending not to be able to cook is quite strategic on my part.” Jared’s smile felt good, hell; it had been a while since they’d had anything to really smile about. On more than one occasion Jared had found himself quite relieved that Chad was there.

“He thinks it’s cute when I cook.” Jensen shrugged and brought his mug up to sip from, smiling at Chad when he slid a plate of pancakes in front of him. “Aren’t you two eating?” He glanced at the clock, wondering just how long they’d been up.

“I ate earlier, Chad’s had a snack. We’re heading out soon. Chris should be here any minute. He was chomping at the bit to get over here and spend some time with you.” Jared smiled.

“Chris loves me.” Chad started cleaning up the pan and clattering about with plates and cutlery.

“I called Chris earlier, told him not to come for a while so you could sleep in. That okay?” Jared was still a little nervous; worried that Jensen would feel uncomfortable or scared if Jared was gone.

Jensen had always been aware of the fact that he had a bit of an unnatural dependency on his husband. It had never really made his chest ache like this though and he lifted his mug, turning to walk to the table with his plate of pancakes. “Yeah of course. You two should go and have some fun. I’ll make Chris watch films in different language cause is pisses him off.” He forced himself to laugh, just like he forced himself to eat. Moments like these were scary because the feelings in Jensen’s body were so bright, intense and painful.

The doorbell rang as Jared opened his mouth to answer.

“I’ll get it!” Chad yelled gleefully. “It’s my best straight man friend!” He skipped as he cross the living room to the hall and Jared couldn’t help laughing.

“God, those two are fuckin’ hilarious.” Jared smiled over at Jensen and it wavered slightly when he noticed that Jensen was hardly smiling at all. “You sure you’re okay with me going out? We could all hang out here.”

“You and Chad deserve some free time.” Jensen said simply, cutting his pancake into little pieces with his fork. “Go have fun, let loose for awhile. I’ll be here.” He shrugged, feeling okay with the idea if only because it was true. Jared and Chad had done a lot for him the last few days and would continue to, they deserved to have fun. Poor Chris had to stick around and babysit him for the day.

“Pads!” Chad hollered at him down the hallway. “Let’s go! I want to go and buy some jeans. Chris says these ones make my ass look flat.”

Shaking his head slowly Jared pushed up. “Call me if you need me and I’ll come home right away.” Ducking down slightly Jared kissed Jensen’s cheek. “And just ‘cause you’re cutting up your pancakes doesn’t fool me into believing you’re eating them.” Slipping his hand around Jensen’s neck Jared turned his husband slightly so he could brush their lips together.

“Well just go then you won’t have to know if I ate them or not.” Jensen pulled back from Jared and turned to his plate, appetite completely gone. Of course. “Have fun.” He added quietly, choosing to sip from his coffee, glancing at the door when Chris came in.

“Chad’s dancing around like his pants are on fire.” Chris pointed out, smile wavering on his face. “I’ll just, go make sure they’re not.” He turned around and left the room and Jensen flinched, wondering if it was his expression that made Chris flee.

“I’ll see you later.” He glanced up at Jared then back down at his coffee, swallowing down the bite of panic.

Frowning Jared stood. He kept finding himself _stuck_ around Jensen; wondering if he should listen to his instinct or do what Jensen was telling him to. Right in that instant his heart was telling him to stay, hold Jensen, pull him close and spend the day talking to him and listening to anything he wanted to stay.

“Chris punched me!” Chad called out loudly from down the hall.

“You sure? You promise you’ll be okay with Chris?” Jared shuffled his feet for a moment, tempted to sit back down.

“Yup.” Jensen mumbled and pursed his lips together. Jared had to _go_ because Jensen could feel hot tears in his eyes and he would feel like such a jerk if he kept Jared from spending a day with his best friend that he hardly ever got to saw. He stuffed a bite of pancakes into his mouth - eating and crying out would be hard work to do together - and waved at Jared.

“Okay.” Jared bent down once more and kissed the side of Jensen’s head then bolted for the door where he could hear thumping and wrestling noises. “Jesus Chris, get off Chad,” he called out.

“In all fairness, Chad started it.” Chris pointed out and laughed before dropping his voice and cupping Jared’s arm, nodding his head toward the kitchen. “How’s he?”

“I don’t know, Chris. He’s ... scared? Nervous? Fuck, just keep an eye on him?” Jared pressed his lips together. “Call me if he needs _anything_. He says he doesn’t need me here but-”

“Come on, Jared.” Chad snagged Jared’s sleeve. “Give Chris a chance to work some magic on your husband. They’ve been friends a long time. Sometimes ya need a good friend.”

Jared smiled slightly and nodded. “Yeah, Chad. Sometimes you do.”

“You two have fun. And don’t worry, everything will be fine here.” Chris smiled reassuringly at Jared and Chad, nudging them out the door. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

After staring down the hall for a few moments, Jared headed outside and tossed his truck keys at Chad. “You drive.”

-=-=-=-

The minute the door closed a harsh sob tore through Jensen. He didn't mean for it to happen but he couldn't escape it. He didn't want Jared to go, even for a few minutes, definitely not for an extended trip out and about. He felt like a little kid in the middle of a tantrum, like he should complete his actions by chucking the plate at the wall or something as equally dramatic. Instead he hunched in on himself, stuck with the knowledge that he had to do this alone at some point, that even Jared who loved and adored him would need a break.

“Jen, what do you want to- Jesus Jensen, what’s wrong?” Chris crossed the kitchen in a few quick steps, pulling up the chair to drop down into, reaching out to squeeze Jensen’s arm.

It was _ridiculous_ for Jensen to be this upset over Jared leaving. It wasn’t like he wasn’t coming back, Jensen _knew_ this. So he shook his head and pushed his plate away, turning in the chair to wipe at his eyes.

“Come on Jen, talk to me. What’s wrong? Is this about Jared leaving? Because you know he’ll be back right?” Chris squeezed a little harder, dipping forward and down to try and catch Jensen’s eye.

Jensen couldn’t even explain this thing to himself, how could he explain it to Chris? He shrugged out of the touch and stood, carrying the plate over to the sink. “No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” That probably would have sounded stronger if he hadn’t sniffled through most of it but he knew Chris was likely to give him what he wanted.

“Um, alright. Well, what would you like to do? Anything you want, you name it.” Chris crossed the kitchen to him, leaning against the counter to smile at Jensen.

What Jensen wanted to do was go back to bed and sleep until Jared came home. But that was rude to Chris and maybe sleeping so much was a bad thing. “Movie? Why don’t you go pick one out and I’ll join you in a second.”

“Okay.” Chris nodded slowly and hesitated, reaching out to lay a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “You wanna talk or something? Because you can tell me anything and I won’t judge you.”

Jensen finished scraping pancakes into the garbage disposal and tipped the plate under the water, taking too long to rinse off syrup. “I didn’t want Jared to go.” He whispered and closed his eyes for a moment, fighting back the fresh wave of tears. “I know it’s stupid. I know it makes me sound like a little kid. I just, I feel, vulnerable when he’s gone.”

“Oh Jensen.” Chris sighed softly and reached out to turn off the water, taking Jensen’s arm and pulling him away from the sink. “You know he can’t always be around. You’re okay here, still safe, and I’m here too.”

Chris was nothing like Jared, though Jensen appreciated his effort. Jared was his gloriously wonderful husband who could chase away all the bad stuff, who made Jensen feel special and loved and more important than anyone else in the world. Right now, Jensen needed to feel that to know he was worth all the extra effort. “Yeah I know. It’s okay. Let’s watch a movie.”

“Okay.” Chris nodded and guided Jensen toward the living room. “He’ll be back soon you know?”

“Yeah.” Jensen curled up on the couch and settling against the corner Jared usually sat in. “Pick out something with lots of explosions.” He knew Chris preferred action movies, Jensen was hoping it would keep him preoccupied because he could really go without being asked if he was okay every few minutes.

Chris picked out _Independence Day_ and settled onto the couch beside Jensen, looking curiously over at him every few moments. Jensen knew he was itching to ask him more, probably wanted to try his hand at fixing him or something. It wasn’t that easy, it never would be, so Jensen kept his mouth closed and his eyes trained forward.

They didn’t talk at all through the movie - which was rare for them - and by the time it ended Jensen was shifting on the couch expectantly, looking toward the door far too often to be normal. Chris sighed as he stood up to put the DVD away and Jensen tried not to echo his sigh. Who could blame him for being impatient?

“I think I’m gonna sit on the front step for awhile.” Jensen pushed up to his feet and headed for the door.

“Jensen, come on. Let’s play some video games or something, who knows how long Jared and Chad will be.” Chris stepped forward, sliding a hand up through his hair.

Jensen didn’t want to think about how late they might be. He hated the idea. “I’d rather sit on the front porch, get some air.”

“Okay, I’ll come with you.” Chris continued to frown but he followed Jensen across the room and outside, dropping down on the front step beside Jensen. “Do you want me to call him? I can ask him to come home.”

“No.” Jensen shook his head and looked slowly up and down the street. “I don’t want him to feel bad.”

“How do you think he’ll feel when he pulls up and you’re sitting out here?” Chris arched an eyebrow, bumping his elbow into Jensen’s side.

“I’ll go in when he gets here, or when I see the truck. We can say we were just getting fresh air.” Jensen continued to gaze up and down the street, pulling out his cell phone to check the time. “Did they say what all they’re doing?”

“Jensen, do I have to point out how this is kind of, unhealthy?” Chris asked quietly, sliding his arms across his legs. “I mean, I get this is all pretty new for you and maybe you need some time to adjust to the idea of normal life again but seriously, think about how Jared is going to feel if you keep this up. He’ll feel guilty whenever he goes anywhere. Do you want that?”

Okay that made a certain amount of sense but Jensen didn’t necessarily consider it fair. After all, he should be allowed longer than a week to break down and need Jared more than usual. Jensen hooked his arms around his legs and shifted down, laying his head on his knee. “No I don’t want that.” He was getting tired of feeling like everyone was lecturing him on how he should or shouldn’t act now.

“Let’s go in and get some food okay? You kind of missed out on the pancakes.” Chris laid a hand on Jensen’s leg and pushed up. “Grilled cheese?”

“I’ll just wait out here.” Jensen whispered and dropped his gaze when Chris sighed.

Thankfully Chris let it go and headed inside. Jensen did feel a little silly staring so longingly at the street but he couldn’t sit through another movie and pretend like he was actually paying attention. It was easier just to watch for Jared.

After a little while Chris came back out with a grilled cheese sandwich and poked and prodded at Jensen until he ate at least half. For awhile he tried to keep up the conversation, tried to get Jensen to talk about various things, but he gave up after a handful of non-answers. Jensen could sense his growing agitation as he dragged a hand up through his hair and sighed heavily.

It felt like days had passed before he saw Jared’s truck. Jensen perked up instantly, narrowing his eyes to peer down the block and inside the truck. Jared was looking over at Chad and laughing about something and Jensen frowned, knowing that his presence waiting outside would make the laughter die on Jared’s lips. It made him wonder if he would be able to make Jared laugh anymore, if he would even be enough to make Jared happy. Jensen sucked in a breath and clambered up to his feet, turning and rushing inside.

Chris blinked a few times, looking over his shoulder before slowly standing and taking a few steps forward, waiting for Jared and Chad to pull into the driveway.

As soon as Jared saw Chris sitting outside the smile on his face faded. Stepping out of the truck he headed over quickly. “Tell me he didn’t kick you out or something?” Frowning Jared waited impatiently for Chad to struggled out of the truck with some bags.

“Don’t worry asshat. I’ll get _all_ the packages, even yours,” Chad muttered.

“No. He was just out here, but.” Chris sighed and rolled his shoulders back. “He took off inside before you pulled in. My ass is numb.” Chris rubbed along his backside and shook his head. “Been sittin’ on that thing for like, two hours at least. Chad you need help?”

“Why yes. I do Chris - thank you.” Chad stopped by Jared’s side and bumped his shoulder gently. “Told ya Jensen was okay.”

“I know,” Jared answered. He was distracted. Peering into the hallway. “Just gonna go and say hi.” Brushing past Chris Jared headed down the hallway without even stopping to take off his shoes. “Jen? Where are ya?”

“Bedroom.” Jensen had his back to the door but figured Jared could hear him anyway. He took a deep breath and pushed all the bad feelings away, forced a smile onto his face to turn and greet Jared. “Did you have a good time?”

“Chad’s an idiot but yeah. I missed you though.” Jared stepped into his husband’s body and slid his arms low around his waist. “You miss me? Did you banish Chris to the front porch?”

“Yes I missed you and no, I didn’t banish him. I was out there with him for awhile.” Jensen stepped into the embrace and laid his head on Jared’s shoulder. “What did you guys do?”

“Shopped, ate, had a nice cold beer. Chad complained about his acting gig and I raved about you. Standard stuff ya know?” Jared stroked his hand over Jensen’s hair. “Got you something, but Chad says it’s stupid.”

“I take Chad’s opinion with a grain of salt.” Jensen murmured and closed his eyes, letting Jared’s presence reassure some of the ache he felt while his husband was gone. “What did you get me?”

“I’ll go get it - unless you want to come out?” Jared stepped back slightly and hesitated. “You want to come visit with everyone?” Jared couldn't read the expression on Jensen’s face except that it was weary.

“Yeah I suppose I should.” Jensen figured he should probably apologize to Chris too for being such poor company but it was kind of the risk any one took hanging around him right now. “Let’s go.” He stepped away and headed for the door, letting Jared follow him toward the sounds of their two friends down the hallway.

Jared headed out to the pile of packages by the front door and grabbed one of the medium sized bags then headed into the living room. “Here, don’t listen to Chad. He’s said you wouldn’t like it and I was being stupid.” He held out the bag for Jensen.

“You probably know me better.” Jensen offered and smiled softly, reaching out for the bag and slipping a hand inside. He touched something soft and plush, frowning for a moment before pulling it out. _It_ turned out to be a teddy bear. A big, black, teddy bear that had soft fur and an even softer squishy body. Jensen blinked at it for a moment before slowly smiling, bringing the bear up to his chest in an embrace and looking up at Jared. “I love it. Thank you.” He grinned up at Jared, blinking away the tears that were for whatever the reason forming in his eyes.

Tilting his head slightly Jared frowned and turned toward Chris and Chad. “Hey, Chris could you entertain Chad for a bit? Gonna just talk to Jensen.” Without waiting for a response Jared swept Jensen toward their bedroom with his arm and closed the door behind them as soon as they were inside.

“Jensen, what’s wrong. _Please_ talk to me.” Jared led his husband over to the bed and pushed at him gently until he sat.

“I missed you.” Jensen stared down at the bear, stroking a hand along its fur. “More than just the way I miss you normally you know? I was _scared_ Jared and I don’t like that. It, it freaks me out. Because yeah it was okay with Chris here and that helped but pretty soon you’ll have to go back to work and I’ll have to get my life back on track and I’m terrified to even be in our house alone. That’s just-” Jensen cut himself off, sucking in a breath to keep from breaking down.

It seemed to be all he knew how to do, either fake that he was okay or completely lose it and freak everyone out. “I feel like, maybe everyone expects me to be okay now. So I keep trying to be okay so I don’t disappoint anyone but I’m not. I’m not okay. I’m scared Jared. And, I didn’t want you to go today but I had to let you because I don’t want you to get worn down by me.” He wrapped his arms tight around the bear, holding it up to his chest.

“Jensen. Listen to me.” Jared kneeled down in front of his husband and slid his hands over his hips. “I do _not_ expect you to be better. I don’t. No matter what you think. It’s barely been a week - this is something- this is something that you and I are gonna have to work through together. Chris and Chad understand and... God am I making any sense?” He dipped his head down and tried to catch Jensen’s gaze.

“Yeah you are. I guess maybe I’m just over thinking everything.” Jensen sighed softly and brought the bear down to stroke along its fur. “Maybe I just think everyone thinks that.” He shrugged and reached out to cup Jared’s cheek. “I’m sorry; I’ll be okay to join everyone. I don’t want you to be stuck in here with me. I guess the only way to get better is to just, keep going.”

“There’s plenty of time Jensen. Just relax for a few minutes okay?” Jared smiled warmly and stood to walk around to the side of the bed. “Come lie down, talk to me.” Jared climbed onto the bed and leaned against the headboard then held out his hand. “Bring the bear - we gotta name him.” Jared laughed. Chad had said it was about the sappiest thing he’d ever seen when Jared bought the bear but he hadn’t let that deter him.

Climbing across the bed Jensen settled in beside Jared, holding the bear up between them. “Hm he looks a little like...” Jensen snorted for a moment and tilted his head up to Jared. “We could call him Chad Jr. Only, like, CJ, but maybe not. ‘Cause that means Chad would be in our room. Why did you get me a bear?” Jensen wiggled closer to Jared and twisted slightly, draping his legs across Jared’s lap.

“When I was a kid I had this stuffed dog. My Grandma made him, crocheted him or knitted him or something. Anyway. When I used to get mad or pissed off - scared I would talk to him.” Jared rubbed his hand along Jensen’s shoulders. “The best part about him was that he didn’t talk back, didn’t judge, never said a word. He just listened. I still have him in a box if you want to see him sometime.” Jared blushed and laughed quietly. “But you can’t tell anyone.”

“That’s, adorable.” Jensen chuckled softly and tilted his head up, pressing a soft kiss to Jared’s jaw. “I love you.” He grinned at Jared for a long moment before sliding back, hugging the beer to his chest once more. “Okay, I think we should name him Horatio. That seems like a funky and slightly quirky name for a bear, right?” Jensen shifted around once more to lay his head on Jared’s shoulder, closing his eyes. “I feel weird.”

“Weird?” Jared tugged on the bear and turned to set him off to the side. “Sorry Horatio, need all my husband’s attention.”

“Hmm yes, weird. Definitely.” Jensen turned his eyes up to Jared, staring for a long moment before pushing forward. His fingers curled around the back of Jared’s skull and brought him down, kissing him harder than he’d first intended.

Jared mumbled softly into the kiss then gave up and rolled forward slightly to push Jensen over onto his back. Still mindful of the wounds on Jensen’s chest he lay on his side and slid his hand down over Jensen’s t-shirt. His tongue slid forward to press into his husband’s mouth, sweeping across his teeth and then sliding deeper. He moaned quietly and shifted closer, hips rolling forward unconsciously.

Moaning softly into the kiss Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared, pushing forward until his chest was flat against Jared’s. It was his way of securing the shirt stayed on and the hands didn’t touch. Not now, Jensen didn’t want Jared to feel the imperfection. “Jared,” he moaned quietly, hooking his leg around Jared’s, rocking forward to meet the shift of Jared’s body. His fingers curled into Jared’s hair, bringing him in to deepen the kiss once more.

Mouth open against Jensen's jaw, Jared slid his lips along his husband’s smooth cheek. "Want you," he murmured. The worry, the fear and the sense of loss - all the things that had been taken away from them - the things that _could_ have been. Everything welled up inside Jared and he rolled forward, fingers hooking under the hem of Jensen's t-shirt and pulling up.

“Wait. Wait, Jared.” Jensen pushed out from under Jared, sitting up and blinking a few times, smoothing his shirt back down. “Chad and Chris are still out there.” He waved toward the living room, biting down on his lip. It was a ridiculous reason to stop; they were both more than a little aware of Jensen’s slightly exhibitionist tendencies. He flushed softly and looked down, rubbing along his thigh.

“I. God, I don’t care. You never usually do either.” Jared reached out and grabbed Jensen’s wrist to pull him over again. “C’mon, don’t you want me anymore?” Jared grinned as he teased his husband.

“Of course I want you.” Jensen smiled softly and shifted forward, heart thudding heavily in his chest with nerves. Jared’s hands were moving toward his shirt again and Jensen felt the flare of panic, nerves spiking. He couldn’t let his husband see the scars.

Pushing forward, Jensen climbed on top of Jared, kissing him hard before sliding down his body, wiggling out of arms reach. He shoved at Jared’s shirt and let his lips move across Jared’s chest, palm rolling down along his crotch. “Always want you,” he breathed and let the tip of his tongue glide down smooth creamy skin.

Arching his body up off the bed Jared moaned again and reached down for Jensen’s arm. “Jen, wanna touch you,” he rasped. The pressure of Jensen’s hand against his hard flesh was crazy-making and Jared shifted his hips restlessly.

Sitting up slightly Jared grabbed Jensen’s shoulder and dragged him up his body to settle him across his lap. Staring into Jensen’s eyes Jared slipped his fingers under the hem of Jensen’s t-shirt and shoved his hands up to find the warmth of his husband’s flesh. “Need you Jen.”

Jensen could feel the fingers on his skin, too close, one little move to the side and Jared would feel the raised skin. “Jared.” He pushed back, falling off Jared’s lap and tugging his shirt down quickly. “I just-” He sighed softly and looked away, rubbing along the back of his neck, sliding a hand down his shirt to flatten it out.

A little bleary-eyed Jared moved closer. “Jensen? What? Did I hurt you?” Reaching out for his husband Jared hesitated and dropped his hand to the mattress.

“No. You didn’t hurt me.” Jensen whispered and closed his eyes, hating himself for feeling this way. This was _Jared_ , his perfect and wonderful husband, the one person in the world he loved more than anything else. And now Jensen couldn’t even find comfort in touches from him because he wasn’t even himself anymore. He was broken and flawed and all those marks would remind them both that. “I’m sorry. I must just be tired.” He stared down at the bed, miserable and annoyed with himself, wanting Jared but stuck there with the broken image of himself.

“Jensen, Jesus _Christ_. What’s going on? Stop lying to me.” Jared scooted over to the edge of the bed and stood so he could walk around and face Jensen. “ _Talk_ to me. I can’t take this. I mean, I know you’re pushing me away and that’s okay if you can tell me why. So can you?”

Jensen stared down at his hands, tears pricking in his eyes. He knew Jared was upset, which made sense because Jensen was doing very little to help things. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before sighing heavily. “I don’t want you to see.”

“See what?” Jared’s frustration disappeared as soon as he saw tears welling in Jensen’s eyes. Sinking back down onto the edge of the bed Jared slid his hand over Jensen’s thigh. “Talk to me, please, _God_ Jensen. See what? How scared you are? It doesn’t matter. I mean, it matters. I know that but come on.”

“My chest.” Jensen whispered and forced himself to look up at Jared. “I don’t want you to see what it looks like. It’s gross and so, it’s just. _I’m_ gross. I don’t want you to see that. Okay? That’s all it is. I’m sorry.” He dropped his gaze again and let his hand settle over Jared’s on his thigh, shifting restlessly.

“What?” Jared’s voice broke. “Gross?” Jared threaded his fingers through his husband’s. “You’re not-” The pieces started to fall into place slowly. The bathroom at the hospital, the showering alone, sleeping in Jared’s clothes. He hadn’t once seen Jensen’s injuries since the day he’d carried him to the ambulance.

Looking down at their hands Jared smiled slightly, sadly, emotion heavy in the pit of his stomach. “It doesn’t matter to me, none of that. I mean, I know how that’s easy to say because you’re gorgeous-” Jared huffed out a laugh. “I don’t care about stuff like that, I mean you were hurt and I love you - and I know-” Jared swore softly under his breath and reached out quickly to press his hand to Jensen’s chest. “It doesn’t matter to me what your body is like... I do but, scars, cuts ... that’s superficial - and really? Fuck - what I see is how you loved me _so_ much that you hung on through all of that - what that _bastard_ did. For me. For us - you stayed alive because of us.”

Jared could feel tears on his cheeks. “Tell me some of that got through to you because I don’t think I can string anything else together. I know I’m not making sense.”

“You are making sense.” Jensen nodded slowly and reached out with his free hand to wipe at the tears on Jared’s cheeks. “I think I just need a little time. Because, even if it doesn’t matter to you, it’s still there you know? And whenever you see them it’s going to remind you and me. I need to get my mind away from that place. I think _I_ need to believe that it doesn’t change who I am because right now, I feel like it does. I feel like it changes everything.” Jensen leaned against Jared’s side, feeling like the conversation had physically weakened him somehow.

“You can have all the time in the world.” Jared pulled Jensen close to him. “You got me and Horatio. Chad’s out there tormenting Chris. What could be a better environment for healing?” Jared sighed and let his lips fall down to Jensen’s hair. “We got time. Lots of time.” Stroking Jensen’s hair Jared rocked him slowly.

“You aren’t mad though right? You know it’s not you? Because I want you, I really _really_ do.” Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared, feeling just a little bit lighter having shared such a big thing with Jared.

“Jensen, I’m not mad. I promise.” Jared laughed softly and flopped back down on the bed taking Jensen with him. “And nothing. _Nothing_ will ever change the way I feel about you.” Smiling Jared buried his face in Jensen’s neck and kissed his gently. He would do _everything_ he could to make Jensen feel better, help him to heal.

“Okay. I can live with that.” Jensen laughed softly and tilted his head back, running a hand through Jared’s hair. “So, when I’m ready, I’ll let you know.” Jensen had a feeling it would actually come down to him going a bit crazy not having Jared any longer but, whatever it took. He’d get there. “Should we go back and join Chad and Chris? Or do I get to keep you a little longer?”

“Whatever you want.” Jared leaned back a little. “I bet you could probably kiss me for a while - you know - it might make you feel better.” Jared smiled and brushed his lips across his husband’s.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that will help a lot.” Jensen grinned against Jared’s lips for a moment before pushing forward to deepen the kiss, sliding over Jared’s body to bask in the heat of him. He could definitely be okay kissing Jared for the rest of the day.


	7. Chapter 7

Clutching the small canvas to his chest, Jensen headed down the hall to the living room, peeking around the door frame and into the room. Chad was watching some show on TV - Jensen hardly ever watched TV so he couldn’t place it - but he looked not so interested so Jensen figured this was a good time to interrupt him.

“Hey.” He smiled slightly at the blond and walked over to the couch, dropping down next to him. “I was going to save this for a Christmas present, but well, I finished it up so I thought maybe a thank you present instead.” Jensen shrugged and offered out the canvas. “Can’t really call yourself a friend of mine if I haven’t given you a painting. It’s part of the rules.”

“A thank y-” Chad’s mouth closed quickly and he stared down at the painting. “Jensen, that’s ... that’s really cool. It’s me and Jare - like when we were kids.” Chad sounded a little startled. “I-” Shaking his head slightly he lay the painting down on the table in front of them and snatched Jensen forward into a hug.

Smiling a little brighter Jensen wrapped his arms tight around Chad and squeezed. “Found the picture in Jared’s stuff. I’m not sure I got your shit eating grin just right but well, maybe you can tell people you were more innocent back then or something.” Jensen laughed softly and ruffled a hand through Chad’s hair as he sat back. “You don’t think it’s lame right? I wasn’t sure if you were the art type.”

Sitting back and picking up the painting again Chad grinned. “I _am_ innocent. God. Have I taught you nothing?” He bumped his shoulder against Jensen’s and stared at his gift.

“What are we doing?” Jared padded into the living room and leaned over the back of the couch to plant a kiss on the top of Jensen’s head.

“I finished Chad’s painting, so I gave it to him. Jared did you get to see it completed?” Jensen had shown the original sketch to his husband back when he’d first had the idea. He’d only finished it now because he’d woken up for the first time in more than a week with the desire to paint and it had been the closest thing to him to work on. Jensen had jumped on the desire gratefully.

“I love it Jensen. It’s just like the photo.” Jared whacked the back of Chad’s head gently. “Guess you were right. Jensen _does_ like you.”

“Told ya. Wee Pads just needed a little time to adjust to the magic that is ... Chad.” Chad grinned and sat back, propping the painting up against his knees. “God we’ve changed a lot. I mean... not like us... but the things we’ve done, the people we are.”

Jared frowned and leaned over to put his hand on Chad’s forehead. “You okay?”

“Fuck off.”

Jensen chuckled quietly at the banter between the two, shaking his head slightly. “However either of you might have changed I’m sure it’s for the best.” His gaze shifted over to Chad and he smirked. “Well, mostly the best. I’m sure there’s a few things that are still the same between you two.” He pushed up from the couch, touching Jared’s leg softly. “Did you want to do something special today? Chad’s last day out and all.”

“I do,” Chad interrupted.

Jared took Jensen’s hand and leaned against the back of the couch. “And what might that be?’

“Can we like invite Chris over and just have some beer, sit outside and BBQ for lunch or something? Then Chris could drive me to the airport and you boys could settle in for the night.” Chad winked at Jensen.

“Well, I guess. That okay with you Jen?” Jared smiled at his husband.

“Fine with me.” Jensen blinked for a moment then dropped his eyes to Chad. “Do you have a crush on Chris? Because, I know how that goes and really it’s quite pointless. He’s not good enough for you anyway.”

Chad’s cheeks might have actually gone a little pink. “Okay first of all. No. And second of all what do you mean not good enough for me? You guys think I’m a douche bag.”

Jared blinked. “What do you mean _you know how that goes_?” He raised an eyebrow at his husband.

Chad snorted. “Yeah, that too.”

“Oh come on Jared, remember when I was seventeen and told you about Chris and the- well. That was ages ago.” Jensen bit down on his lip for a minute then looked back at Chad. “And I don’t think you’re a douche bag. I think you pretend to be because you have some weird twisted self loathing or something.” Jensen looked between the two men and shrugged. “I can notice things.”

Jared leaned down and wrapped his arms around Chad’s neck. “Do you need some lovin’ Chad? Do you need to learn how to love yourself?” He laughed when Chad tried to wriggle out of his grip and slid down off the couch pulling Jared over the back.

“I’ll just go call Chris.” Jensen was quick to get out of the potential wrestling situation, knowing all too well how the two men could get going. “Don’t break anything,” he called over his shoulder as he headed out of the room.

Jared was winning until the back of his head hit the coffee table. “Ouch, Jesus Chad. We’re getting too old for this.”

“Speak for yourself.” Chad slid the rest of the way off the couch and landed on the floor beside Jared. “He gonna be okay?”

Smiling, Jared swung his feet back up on to the couch and rested his head back on the floor. “Yeah. I - yeah. We’ll figure it out. It’s big ya know?”

Chad chewed on his bottom lip for a few moments. “Well, you know if he ever needs me. Or you do. You know where to find me.”

Jared watched as Chad flushed slightly. It was about the most serious conversation he’d ever had with Chad but it didn’t change the fact that it was great. “Yeah. Thanks Chad. I think you helped, being here.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah I do. It’s hard to be all worried and serious when you’re around.”

Chad looked over at Jared with a hurt expression on his face until he saw Jared’s smile. “Asshole.”

Snatching a pillow off the side of the couch Jared slammed it down over Chad’s face and climbed onto his chest. “Jensen? I’ve got him - you want to do anything to him?”

Flipping his cell phone in his hands Jensen peeked back into the room and slowly grinned. “Just keep him there. I’ll go get my paint.” He laughed when Chad’s muffled groan came from beneath Jared. Actually, seeing Jared like that kind of sent Jensen’s mind to bad places and he blinked a few times, debating how weird it was to get turned on watching his husband rough house with another guy. But then, Jensen had already known he was different and a week and a half of near celibacy wasn’t going to change that. “Can he breathe?”

Jared lifted the pillow briefly and Chad sucked in a breath and started flailing around under Jared’s weight. “Yup.” Jared laughed and caught Chad’s wrists with his hands. “Chad, relax. You’re my friend remember.”

“As soon as I’m up you are toast Pads. _Toast._ You sneaky bastard. Jensen? Jensen. Stop him - use the power of those lovely eyes of yours. You can make Jared do anything!” Chad pleaded.

“Jared.” Jensen met his husband’s eyes and slowly smiled, holding up his hand. “Come here.” It wasn’t so much about following Chad’s orders as it was taking advantage of the rush of heat still soaring through him. Over the last few days Jensen had started doing that, leaping onto whatever idea or instinct or feeling he was having. He was pretty sure the way he was feeling at the moment had to be pretty clear on his face.

Blinking down at Chad for a moment Jared looked up and blew his hair out of his eyes. Jensen’s cheeks were flushed and his eyes dark and his tongue moved slowly over his bottom lip. Jared eyes dropped to his husband’s hand and he leaned down hard on Chad’s stomach and stood up. Climbing over his friend he slid his fingers over Jensen’s palm and closed the distance between them. His body was pressed flush against Jensen’s in a matter of seconds and Jared closed his eyes to brush his lips against Jensen’s temple. “You called?”

“God you’re _so_ done for when it comes to him Pads.” Chad laughed and tried to get untangled from the coffee table.

“You’re just jealous Chad.” Jensen murmured softly and smiled before slipping his fingers along the back of Jared’s neck, pulling him in so their lips could meet. Jensen’s modesty before the incident and after was certainly something to be noticed he was sure - for Jared anyway, who knew it was normally not an issue. This was the first time they’d full out kissed in front of anyone, even if it was just Chad, and it made Jensen’s heart flutter with the hope that he was getting better. Even if he didn’t always feel that way.

Jensen’s fingers curled in Jared’s shirt as he pressed forward, lips parting to deepen the kiss. His free hand had gravitated to Jared’s hip, pulling him in closer to savor the rush of pleasure, moaning softly into the kiss.

Jared was panting softly by the time Jensen moaned because _God_ it had been a while since Jensen had kissed him in _quite_ that way. Their tongues tangled, the sound of their lips moving wet and slick together mingled with Jensen's sigh and Jared felt like his legs might give out. Sliding his hands down over Jensen's ass Jared lifted his husband slowly until Jensen's leg wrapped around his slightly.

Chad cleared his throat.

Jared smiled against Jensen's mouth and pulled back slightly, lips moving against his husband’s ear. "God you're so hot sometimes it just kills me."

"Stop whispering!" Chad sat bolt upright. "And stop with the porno lead up unless you're inviting me down the hall 'cause _Jesus_ I'm human! A guy can only take so much." Chad blinked a few times, eyes lingering on Jared and Jensen.

Jensen bit his lip around a slow grin, letting his hands slide down Jared’s chest. “Later,” he murmured, knowing it would be unfair to bail on Chad _now_ when he was leaving later on that night. “Definitely later.” He pressed another soft kiss to Jared’s lips, almost deepening it before taking pity on their friend. “Sorry Chad, Jared’s just not the sharing type. No matter how much I try to talk him into it.” Jensen had to swallow down his laugh because _yeah_ , he was probably less of a sharing type then Jared.

Groaning quietly Jared staggered over the couch and fell on it. He fell deliberately face down until he could get his body under control. _God_ being around Jensen turned Jared into a sixteen year old. It was kind of ridiculous in an awesomely amazing way.

“Jesus you two. You’d think you were like newlyweds or something.” Chad scoffed and made a point of almost sitting _on_ Jared’s head when he sank back down onto the couch.

“Well, if you take out all the time we _don’t_ spend together, I think we can still fit into the newlywed category.” Jensen pointed out and walked over to the couch, tapping Jared’s head. “Sit up so I have somewhere to sit.”

Jared grinned at the fact that Jensen was going to sit _between_ him and Chad. Turning so he was leaning against the arm of the chair he snagged Jensen around the waist and pulled him down between his legs. If Jensen wanted to kiss him like that in front of Chad then Jensen could suffer the consequences.

As Jensen settled back his eyes widened slightly and he bit his lip, dropping his gaze and praying Chad wouldn’t look too much into the flush on his cheeks. Having Jared’s more than obvious arousal against his back was really not helping anything. He leaned hard against Jared and tilted his head back slightly, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw. “So what do we do until Chris shows up?”

Jared grinned and slid down a little until his hips were right behind Jensen’s ass. “So Chad, when you gonna come back and see us. It was kind of nice having you here.” Jared’s let his hips circle just enough for Jensen to feel it and still go unnoticed.

Chad looked at the two men suspiciously. “Well, I got this acting thing for a few more weeks. Then I dunno. Texas is pretty awesome but I was thinkin’ maybe of moving to California.”

“California’s good. Nice. Hot there.” Jared smiled and nosed into Jensen’s hair a little. “What about finding some awesome guy somewhere. You thought about that?”

“Chad’s in love with me but I’m sadly taken.” Jensen sighed with all his dramatic might then choked on a laugh. “Okay there’s nothing sad about that. But uh, I agree with Jared, Chad. You should go on a quest for your one true love. I can give you some tips on how to best seduce someone.” Jensen tipped his head to the side slightly and let his arms fall over Jared’s, smile growing on his face.

Snorting a small laugh Chad looked away. “Yeah. I heard you had to work on Mr. Padalecki here a little.” Looking back over at his friends Chad rolled his eyes. “So seriously. Jared? That first night Jensen showed up here. Were you really gonna send him away?”

Jared closed his eyes and groaned. “God. We are _so_ not talking about that.”

“No no, it’s a cute story.” Jensen grinned and pushed back against his husband slightly. “I called him and _he_ made a bet that I couldn’t get out of the house without lying to my mom about coming here. But I did, and I came over and basically threw myself all over him. And then when he wouldn’t kiss me I got all emo and he did. See? Perfect seduction technique.” Jensen laughed softly at the memory, squeezing Jared’s wrist.

“Well,” Jared muttered. “It’s not like you’re easy to resist. I mean, God- hey are you saying that you planned that?” Jared sat up a little and used the movement to disguise the fact that he thrust his hips forward. He was pretty sure his eyes were going to cross if he kept it up but he could tell by the blush creeping up the back of Jensen’s neck that he was just as hot and bothered. “When’s Chris coming over?”

Laughing Chad settled back on the couch. “You know the best part about me Pads? I can read you like a book. You two are _not_ sneaking away to get all dirty with each other on my last day. Nope.” Chad grinned evilly. “So let’s talk about.... oh I dunno. Sex or something harmless like that.”

“You know Chad; I’ve never been with anyone besides Jared. Like, completely across the board. I’ve never even kissed anyone else besides him. Is that weird? How many people do you think could really say that?” Jensen used the pretense of looking back at his husband to roll his hips against Jared’s still lingering arousal, smirking slightly at him before looking back at Chad curiously.

“Really?” Chad’s head whipped to the side. “I don’t believe you. Not after that-” he waved his hand. “That display y’all put on.”

“Huh. I never thought of that,” Jared murmured. Leaning forward a little Jared noticed that because Jensen was wearing one of his shirts again it was _far_ too long. Slipping his hand forward over Jensen’s hip Jared pressed his thumb along the line of Jensen’s zipper. His smile widened when Jensen pulled his knee up a little.

Heat was crawling up Jensen’s neck and staining his cheeks. He tried to keep his motions simple and prayed Chad didn’t have an affinity for staring at Jensen’s crotch for any extended periods of time. “Well. It’s true. Jared is my absolute first everything. I just happen-” Jensen inhaled quickly when Jared’s finger pressed down and blinked a few times, looking the other direction. “I’m a quick learner and an avid one. I think Jared thinks it’s hot or something. Probably never wants me to kiss anyone else.”

Chad blinked a few times and raised an eyebrow. “God.”

Jared looked up and pulled his hand back slightly. “What?”

“You. God. I’m not stupid.” Chad laughed and pushed up off the couch. “Think you’re _so_ secretive and sneaky ninja like.” Chad snorted. “I’m going to the spare room to pack. It’s going to take me about twenty minutes. I suggest you two get whatever it is out of your system before Chris gets here and you scar him for life.”

Jared opened his mouth to protest and Chad slapped him across the head and headed down the hall.

“It’s your fault,” Jared whispered against Jensen’s ear.

“I did not put your hand on my zipper.” Jensen rolled back against Jared and grinned. “I was trying to keep things innocent, talking about our first date thing. And you were being all, hot and stuff.” The privacy was probably a good thing, for Chad’s sake.

“Okay, I’m completely incapable of remembering who started it.” Jared’s hand slid under Jensen’s t-shirt again. As soon as he felt Jensen’s body stiffen Jared pulled back slightly and tucked his fingers under the waistband of his husband’s jeans. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Jensen whispered and let his head fall back on Jared’s shoulder, turning to brush his lips along Jared’s neck. “Thank you.” He murmured, parting his lips to suck a small circle bruise on Jared’s skin.

“MMm, do that again.” Jared sucked in a breath as his fingers managed to find their way to the smooth skin of his husband’s arousal. “Thank _God_ you wear loose jeans,” Jared murmured.

His hand stroked gently, feeling his husband’s cock jump and swell even fuller against his palm. “I’ve been missing touching you,” he whispered against Jensen’s ear. Flicking his tongue out he tasted the skin just behind his husband’s ear and gasped softly and Jensen’s ass pressed back hard against him.

“Me too.” Jensen gasped and rocked his body back against Jared, forward up into his fist. “Wait.” He pulled Jared’s hand free and clambered back, turning to smile at Jared so he’d know it was okay. “Come here.” He twisted his husband around until his feet dropped onto the floor then slid across his lap, straddling him like he had so many times in the past.

“Just like that first time.” He chuckled softly and reached down to undo his jeans, pushing at the fabric with his wrist and pull his hard cock free. Jensen let his forehead rest against Jared’s, stroking himself slowly. “Please touch me Jared. Wanna feel your hand on me.” His lips brushed along Jared’s, small smile still tugging along them.

“Jesus,” Jared hissed. Because in his mind that entire night slammed back into him. The way Jensen had wanted him so badly, _needed_ Jared’s hand and tugged at his wrist - almost making him touch. It had been watching Jensen work his own cock, the way his entire body had trembled and arched - that had been what had made Jared cave. This time would be no exception.

Reaching up Jared grabbed a handful of his husband’s dark hair, soft, long and sweet smelling and he yanked him forward into a blistering kiss. At the same time he knocked Jensen’s hand out of the way and curled his own long fingers around the man’s cock. The heat of it sent a shiver down Jared’s body and he arched up jerkily, smiled and gasped then sank back down and stroked the scalding flesh.

“God, your hands,” Jensen panted against Jared’s lips, pushing forward to deepen the kiss once more. He moaned into kiss, hoping Jared would swallow most of it otherwise Chad would hear more than Jensen had ever planned on him hearing. Unlike the first time they’d done this Jensen had some stamina and didn’t come at the first touch but he thought it was something of a miracle that he lasted at all.

A week and a half of not being touched and Jensen was so close to falling apart already. Though mostly it was the teasing, the knowledge Chris was on his way over and Chad was just down the hall. And Jared, his wonderful amazing husband. “Tonight Jared-” Jensen gasped and rocked his hips forward into Jared’s grasp. “Need you in me, missed it so much.” Jensen dropped into the curve of Jared’s neck, panting along his skin.

“Tonight,” Jared murmured. He stroked his hand faster, tongue teasing back into Jensen’s mouth. He held him there, tight against his chest. The t-shirt material between them was damp with sweat, hot and moist breath skittering across their cheeks and lips. Moaning, Jared rocked his hips up against and squeezed Jensen’s cock then swept his thumb hard over the head.

Moaning low in his throat Jensen rolled his hips forward and jerked against Jared, panting heavily into the kiss, feeling the prick of awareness flaring up through him. Before he could manage even a groan in warning his orgasm coursed through him, body twitching forward, head falling to Jared’s shoulder to bite softly. He could feel Jared’s arm looping around him, holding him close and there was really nothing better than that heat. He breathed in Jared’s scent and twitched through the last of his release, rolling his hips down against Jared’s in slow circles.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Jared breathed. Curling both arms around Jensen’s back he held him so close he thought he might crush him. But that was where he needed his husband - pressed hard against him. The clothes didn’t matter, the fact that Jensen was there was all that mattered. “I love you so much.” Jared laughed softly, “You make me a little crazy.”

“I love you a little crazy.” Jensen murmured and squeezed his knees against Jared’s hips, continuing the gentle rocks forward, pressed so close he could feel the heat of Jared’s arousal through his jeans. “Wanna make you feel good.” He breathed and pulled back enough to slant his lips over Jared’s, fingers tangling together at the back of his head.

Jared pulled back slightly. “Tonight.” He groaned. “Can’t believe I’m sayin’ this but I wanna wait. Want it to be... want you. All of you.” His lips were back on Jensen’s again, sweeping the flesh softly as though he were hoping to taste the answers there.

“I can’t believe you’re sayin’ that too.” Jensen laughed softly and pressed a kiss to Jared’s lips, blinking when he heard the slam of a car door. “Oh shit. Chris is here.” Jensen clambered back and tucked himself back into his close. “We need to change or I need to change. Do you need to?” He was already heading for the bedroom. Somehow the idea of facing Chris with fresh come on his shirt was akin to the most embarrassing thing _ever_.

Laughing Jared slid his husband back. “Run ... I’m okay for a minute. Jesus. Bang on Chad’s door as you go by.” Jared’s laughter grew. Suddenly it really was like they were younger again.

“You don’t mention this to him!” Jensen pointed a finger at Jared then squeaked the front door open.

“Honey I’m home.” Chris called out, raising his eyebrows at Jensen. “What’s up?”

“I’m taking your key back.” Jensen laughed and headed down the hall, pounding on the guest bedroom door. “Chad, the love of your life is here.” He cackled as he turned to race across the hall into his and Jared’s bedroom, shutting the door quickly.

Rubbing both hands vigorously on his face Jared tugged his t-shirt down and pulled one foot up on the couch. “Hey Chris, in here - beer in the fridge. Chad’s making himself pretty.”

“What is _with_ you two,” Chad muttered. “Freak face just ran down the hallway like the devil himself was behind him and _you_ -” Chad pointed at Jared. “You are sitting out here looking like the Chesire cat.” He glanced over at Chris. “It’s dangerous here today man. Watch yourself.”

Jared laughed and threaded his fingers together in his lap.

“I’m starting to rethink coming over.” Chris said with a slight smirk, heading for the fridge. “Did Jensen call me the love of your life Chad?”

“Shh, it’s a secret.” Jensen laughed as he strolled back into the room in a clean shirt, moving over to the couch and dropping down in Jared’s lap. “You makin’ steaks husband?” He grinned over at Chad then laughed. “Sorry. Um. I think it’s my medicine.

“Me?” Jared swallowed and widened his eyes at Jensen. “You’re on my lap again,” he hissed. “Chad - take Chris and start the BBQ then Jensen and I will bring the food out.”

“Chad do this, Chad leave the room, Chad fetch and carry. Might as well be your house boy.” Chad tugged on Chris’ arm. “Where’s your girlfriend? Is she scared of us?” He disappeared around the corner with Chris in tow.

Jensen looked toward Jared with his best, most innocent grin. It wasn’t that convincing he was sure. “Your lap is a very nice place to sit. Should I get off your lap?” He considered making a joke about the way that sounded but just smiled instead.

Rolling his eyes Jared nodded. “Let’s get the food. And. let’s ... let me recover.” He laughed and kissed Jensen one last time.

-=-=-=-

“I’m going to miss you.” Jensen smiled up at Chad, stepping forward to throw his arms around him in a tight hug. “Seriously, you need to visit again soon okay? Or we’ll come see you.” Jensen was a little surprised sometimes just how fond of Chad he’d become since the very first time they met when he’d been so jealous. “And thank you for helping Jared.” He spoke against Chad’s ear, quiet so Jared wouldn’t hear.

“I’m gonna miss you too little man.” Chad lifted Jensen up a little and shook him. “You take care. I’ll be back. Chris is falling in love with me.” Chad grinned and tousled Jensen’s hair.

Turning to Jared he held out his hand and when Jared grasped it pulled him in for a firm hug. “You take care of him.”

“Will do,” Jared muttered. He was surprised how sad he was that Chad was leaving. Having friends around had been about the most comforting thing possible considering what they’d been through. “Thanks for everything, Chad.”

“Come on Murray, let’s get on the road.” Chris shouldered his way through and snorted, shaking his head. “Surrounded by all these gay men, it’s going to be a miracle if I don’t get corrupted.” Chris grumbled and nudged Jensen’s shoulder.

“That would make Chad’s day.” Jensen grinned and pushed at Chad’s shoulder.

“I love Chris in a purely platonic way.” Chad grinned and then winked at Jared. “Bye you two. Stay out of trouble for a few years okay?” He turned quickly and hopped in the truck.

Jared slipped in behind Jensen and draped his arms over his husband’s shoulders. “He’s upset. I will _never_ let him live that down.” Of course, Jared buried his face in Jensen’s hair for a few moments so that no one would see the tears glistening in his eyes.

“We should try and convince him to move closer. Or you know, we should move closer to him.” Jensen smiled softly and hooked an arm behind him, stroking Jared’s hair. It didn’t hurt so much anymore to feel the pull on his chest and he was even down to one pain killer a day. Those little things made him feel just a little better.

“There’s a job in New Mexico.” Jared rested his chin on Jensen’s shoulder and kissed him. “Sometime, when you feel better we could look at it. Maybe when you’re done school or something?” Pulling back slightly he rested his hands on Jensen’s shoulders and turned him so they could head back into the house.

“New Mexico? Well, that’s. I mean, we don’t know anyone in New Mexico.” Jensen let Jared lead him back into the house and laughed softly. “I’m okay with looking out of state but, I thought maybe we’d choose a state we at least knew someone in.” Jensen stepped into the house, turning to touch Jared’s hip.

Shrugging, Jared headed down the hall. “Just sayin’ there’s a job there. They come up all the time. I don’t mind where I am long as it’s with you.” Jared smiled over his shoulder and headed into the kitchen to get a beer. “Want a drink?”

“No, I’m okay.” Jensen leaned against the frame of the kitchen, tilting his head slightly to watch as Jared dipped into the fridge for his beer. “How are you? That’s probably ridiculous to ask since we’ve been together a lot these last few days but, maybe you’ve been sheltering yourself a little. So.” He watched Jared, trying to name his mood from the way he stood.

Jared popped the top of his beer and smiled. “I’m a little nervous. I’m glad to be here alone with you. Scared - a little scared about how we’ll work everything out. Happy. Sad Chad’s gone. Wondering about the future.” He shrugged and laughed softly. “Sorry you asked?”

“No, it’s good to know how you feel. Why are you nervous?” There were a lot of things about Jared’s answer that Jensen wanted to question but that one seemed to stick out the most so he went for it.

“Just-” Jared sighed and took another drink of beer. “That I’ll hurt you, or upset you, or scare you. Not because I mean to but you know, because of how things are.” He smiled and looked up, reached to tuck his hair behind his ear.

Jensen nodded slowly and leaned against the wall, sliding his arms across his chest. He hated that Jared would be nervous around him for any reason, it hurt to think about. “I understand. I mean, it sucks. A lot. But, with the way I’ve been acting, I’d be nervous too.” Jensen shrugged and rubbed along his arm slowly. “Must feel weird to be with just me again huh?”

“No.” Jared smiled. “It feels right. Like I said, happy too.” Jared held the beer out to Jensen. “Want some?”

“Are you thinking it’ll help loosen me up?” Jensen glanced up at the offered beer, smiling slightly. “I think that’s the tenth time you offered today.”

“Is it? Sorry.” Yeah. So maybe he had thought that it might relax Jensen which was completely stupid. But it was helping the way Jared felt. Looking down at the bottle he smiled again and sighed. “You remember that day at the park when I came to meet you that second time?”

“Of course. How could I forget?” Jensen smiled softly, looking between the beer bottle and Jared then back down. “What about it?”

"It was that day. That was the day that I knew I wanted to spend my life with you. I just didn't understand it or know what to do about it. It's like - something inside of me already knew you." He set the beer behind him trying to distract himself from the emotion fighting its way to the forefront again. "That's why I know that the way you look, or sound or the things you can do don't matter. Because that day before I knew anything-" Jared blew out a breath and cleared his throat. "That day before I knew anything about you I knew that I was gonna fall in love with you."

Jensen’s heart caught somewhere in his throat and he was across the room before he could really think about it. “God.” He laughed shakily and sniffed, wrapping his arms around Jared to pull him close. “It’s no wonder I fell for you, saying things like that.” He pulled Jared in and crushed their lips together, telling him everything he felt by that one kiss alone. It was bigger than everything, all the shit they’d both been through in their whirlwind romance, it was the whole world. Jensen’s world.

“Take me Jared,” he gasped into the kiss and pushed closer, held on tighter. He wanted to never let go of Jared. He wanted Jared to make him feel completely whole again. Really, everything had always boiled down to this man and that made Jensen feel better than he had in too long.

Jared's entire body was trembling and his splayed fingers moved over the back of Jensen's shirt, rubbing and bunching up the material. Moaning softly he pushed off the counter and walked Jensen backwards towards a few steps. His hand slid up to cup the back of Jensen's neck and Jared pulled back slightly. "You sure you're okay?" Dropping one hand he threaded his fingers through Jensen's.

“Yes. Right now? I’m going to be perfect as soon as you’re in me.” Jensen grinned up at Jared and pulled him down the hallway to their bedroom. He was nervous like he’d been their first time, which seemed fitting for the moment. But he’d never trusted Jared more so he knew it would be okay.

Stepping into the room Jensen stopped to push off his pants and boxers, wearing another of Jared’s shirts that hung too low on him. His fingers slid along the hem but he didn’t pull it off, turning instead to face his husband. “You do it.” He nodded down at the shirt he was wearing, biting his lip hard to keep from changing his mind.

Crossing his arms and grabbing his t-shirt Jared pulled it off and let it drop to the floor. He slipped out of his jeans and boxers and sat down on the end of the bed pulling Jensen closer. His hands were shaking when he finally slipped his fingers under the hem of Jensen’s shirt. _Jared’s_ shirt. A slight smile curved on to his lips and the shirt slid higher.

Looking up Jared gazed up at Jensen’s eyes. So green, they sparkled in the dim light from the bedside lamps. He pushed the material slowly, soft under his palms until Jensen lifted his arms and Jared tugged it off over his husband’s head.

Dropping the t-shirt to the floor he smiled at Jensen and cupped his jaw briefly, thumb brushing over his husband’s lips. Slowly he dropped his gaze, hands falling to Jensen’s shoulder briefly before following his gaze down the pale skin of his chest.

The marks were red, slightly raised under Jared’s finger tips. His heart was thumping loud and furious in his ears as he got a taste of the pain his husband must have endured. Glancing back up at Jensen there was a sad smile on Jared’s face as he leaned forward to kiss the longest scar.

Jensen’s breath hitched at the touch and he closed his eyes. It hadn’t occurred to him before that he could associate these marks with any sort of pleasure. He’d thought it would forever be a daily reminder of what had happened to him but Jared’s lips on his skin proved otherwise.

“Jared,” he murmured softly and stroked a hand through his hair, leaning into the soft touches. “Are they bad?” Sure he’d seen them in the mirror but he wanted Jared’s opinion, wanted that reassurance again that it would all be okay.

“No,” Jared whispered. He mouthed his way up the long scar in the centre of his husband’s chest. “Just different, still all _you_.” Sliding his hands down to curl over Jensen’s hips Jared lapped at the scars, tongue trying to wipe away the hurt and pain.

“God that feels... surprisingly good.” Jensen laughed breathlessly and slid his hand down to Jared’s neck, curving into the muscle. Jared’s lips stirred up heat in desire thick through him and Jensen inched closer, seeking more. “Need you Jared.” He breathed, pushing forward.

Jared’s mouth moved into a smile on Jensen’s chest and he slid further back on the bed. His arms slid down Jensen's to his hands and he tugged him forward until his husband had no choice but to crawl forward onto the bed.

Guiding Jensen’s body gently, Jared lay back on the bed and pulled Jensen up over his body. Wrapping his arms tight around him he just held him there for a while, letting his chest rise and fall under his husband.

“Could just spend the rest of your leave time like this.” Jensen murmured, settling against Jared’s body. He hadn’t even realized how much he missed the feel of skin on skin until now. “God I’ve missed this.” He chuckled softly against Jared’s neck, parting his lips to suck along his skin, taste the salt and musk lingering there.

“You know, there’s something-” Jared groaned quietly as Jensen’s hips moved ever-so-slightly against his. “Something you could try.”

“What’s that?” Jensen asked softly, shifting his body against Jared’s, savoring the heat and smiling softly.

“Your present.” Jared dragged his hand down his chest and over the nipple ring. The day he’d come home with it to surprise Jensen felt like a thousand years in the past.

“Oh god I almost forgot. Is it all healed now?” Jensen slid back a little, tracing his hand down Jared’s chest and circling around the ring. It certainly looked better now, with everything that happened the ring went to the back of his mind but it slammed forward to the front of his mind hard now. “Does it feel better?”

Nodding, Jared bit down on his bottom lip. “Healed... enough.” Jared eyes glinted as he gazed up at Jensen. His hands made their way to Jensen's ass, fingers digging in to the muscle hard as his hips thrust up slightly.

Moaning softly Jensen closed his eyes for a moment before letting them flutter open. He watched as his finger grazed across the ring, tracing the circle slowly. Heat rushed through him once more and Jensen tugged experimentally, eyes shooting up to Jared’s to watch his reaction. “Like that?”

Sucking in a harsh breath Jared nodded before managing to mutter, "Yeah." The ring made his nipple so much more sensitive, little sparks of sensation skittering outward and across his chest. Jensen’s touch was too light, teasing and Jared let his shoulders roll back slightly to offering his chest up to his husband.

Seeing Jared worked up over something always sent pleasure straight down to Jensen’s gut. There was nothing he liked more than making Jared feel good. He tugged a little harder on the ring and grinned when Jared’s body writhed beneath him. Dipping down Jensen licked slowly along the ring, the tip of his tongue flicking out to work across the warm metal, lips enclosing to pull up and tug.

The wet and heat of Jensen’s tongue was almost too much to handle. Jared panted and moaned and then slid his hand over Jensen’s shoulder to push him back slightly. “Holy shit,” he murmured. “I- that-” He moaned again and sucked in a huge breath of air.

Eyes wide and blinking Jared planted a foot flat on the mattress so he could thrust his cock up against Jensen’s body. As soon as their rigid members slid together Jared hissed out a breath and slammed his mouth against Jensen’s. His fingers were tangled in Jensen’s hair, moving him, deepening the kiss.

Moaning into the kiss Jensen rocked his body forward and sucked Jared’s tongue into his mouth. He couldn’t stop moving against Jared, wanting him more now than he thought possible. “Fuck me,” Jensen gasped into the kiss, hands fluttering along every inch of Jared he could reach. He needed Jared, needed to feel the man’s want.

Every _single_ time Jensen uttered those words Jared's heart nearly stopped. He would never tire of hearing it; never tire of the flare of lust that burst to life in his gut. Every part of his being _wanted_ Jensen; always would.

Shifting over slightly Jared reached out for the lube on the nightstand. It had been a long time since he had last touched Jensen like this; too long. As his lips moved over his husband's Jared's lust-clumsy fingers fumbled with the lube until his fingers were coated. Just like he was reading Jared's mind, Jensen scooted forward and let his legs fall to the sides of Jared's body. The heat in Jared's body flared to life again, pleasure biting at him as Jensen's ass settled against his cock.

Reaching down Jared slid his hand between their bodies, fingers brushing over Jensen's cock, his balls and then sliding back to the puckered flesh he sought out.

The first touch of Jared’s fingers inside him had Jensen keening. He could hardly believe how long it had been since he’d last felt this. Jensen rocked his body down onto Jared’s fingers, the slight burn from the stretch not enough to make the pleasure ebb off. Collapsing down onto Jared’s chest, Jensen twisted slightly and flicked his tongue along the nipple ring, pulling it up to make Jared’s body jolt once more. His muscles clenched around Jared’s fingers and his spine bent, eyes closing at the bursts of sensation.

"Jesus _Christ_." Jared's breath hitched in his chest, his cock twitching and throbbing against Jensen's as both of them writhed slightly. Sliding a second finger deep inside Jensen's heat, Jared felt his lover tremble and there seemed to be moans everywhere around them. Their breath mingled and twined together in the air between them. "Jensen, I-" All the words in Jared's mind were tumbling forward too fast and he couldn't get anything out. It didn't seem to matter.

Jensen's body was a wave of motion against Jared's, hips against hips, chests rising and falling together. Jared's heart was thundering inside his head, his flood rushing around like liquid heat in his veins. Another finger, Jensen lurched against him and Jared moaned into his husband's mouth.

“Y-you.” Jensen gasped into the kiss and shuddered from shoulder to foot, rocking down onto Jared’s fingers. “W-want you. Over me.” He moaned and shifted, trying to pull off but failing. He wanted - maybe needed - Jared’s weight pressing him down into the bed and claiming him. “Jared,” Jensen pushed himself up slightly and weakly smiled at Jared. “M’ready.”

Rolling them quickly Jared held himself up long enough to slick up his cock before sinking down on his husband's body. Muscle, warm and firm under him, Jared found himself moaning and rolling his hips down against Jensen's. Growling softly he hooked his hands under Jensen's legs and lifted them to rest on his shoulders.

Gazing down at his husband, Jared slid the head of his cock along the underside of Jensen's, back to his balls and then began the deliciously slow slide into the heat of his lover's ass.

Head rolling back into the pillow Jensen groaned and canted his hips up, pulling Jared deeper inside him. Each inch felt too slow and tortuous and Jensen forced his eyes to stay open just to watch the pleasure building and growing across his husband’s face.

“ _God_ Jared.” He sucked in a sharp breath and dug his heels into Jared’s back, gasping on the exhale when Jared was finally buried all the way inside him.

Hands fluttering out Jensen caressed his jaw, thumb sliding along Jared’s lower lip. “Never want to wait this long again to feel this,” Jensen whispered, clenching his muscles along Jared to keep him buried there as he adjusted to the stretch.

Jared's tongue slid out the run over the smooth surface of Jensen's thumbnail then he kissed it gently. Breathing slowly he tried to keep still and continue to fight the urge to thrust forward into the silky heat that enveloped his shaft. Lowering his hand to Jensen's thigh Jared gazed down at his lover, licked his lips and circled his hips slightly.

“Yeah, move.” Jensen nodded swiftly and rocked his body against Jared, dropping his hands down to his sides and curling them into the sheets. Desire curled sharply through him at the first move of Jared’s hips, the slightest draw back and push forward. Jensen groaned quietly and pushed back, pleading for more. “Fuck me Jared. Need- need you to claim me.” He met Jared’s gaze, letting the want he felt shine through.

"Oh God, Jensen." Jared's hips snapped forward sending his cock _deep_ into his lover's ass. The heat of it was overwhelming, and the need to move caught hold of Jared immediately. Rocking his hips back and forth in a steady strong rhythm Jared moaned and panted, hand gripping Jensen's thigh tightly. The flush of pleasure that had claimed the flesh of Jensen's chest and neck was gorgeous and Jared leaned further down desperately trying to reach Jensen's mouth.

Digging his elbows into the mattress Jensen bent his body up and met Jared’s searching lips, tilting his head back slightly to deepen the kiss. As Jared’s body moved deeper within him Jensen moaned into the kiss, pulling Jared’s tongue into his mouth and sucking hard. He couldn’t get enough of this, never would be able too. He fell back onto the bed with a sharp gasp, twitching his body back against Jared’s sharp thrust. “Jare,” he moaned out the name, reaching up to curl his fingers in his hair.

Jared dropped his head forward and leaned hard against the back of Jensen's thigh. His hips rolled, forward and back and he thrust _hard_ into his lover. Each forward jolt of his body pushed a sinfully sweet moan from Jensen's lips and nudged Jared closer to coming.

His hips snapped faster as Jensen’s body writhed beneath him and Jared could barely see when he reached down more on instinct to curl his fingers around Jensen’s weeping cock.

The touch caught Jensen off guard and his body writhed with a new intensity. Jared’s fingers stroked firm and sure along his cock and Jensen moaned, muscles tightening and drawing up. His orgasm came moments after a gasped warning of his lover’s name, eyes clenching shut and lips parting with the rise of the tingling release. He felt his come splash across his chest and shuddered, hands once more digging into the sheets beneath him.

Jensen’s muscled clenched tight around Jared and his entire body shuddered with pleasure. He thrust forward again, moaning loudly and felt his cock pulse out his come. His orgasm slammed into him without warning and his breath hitched as his cock slid wetly a few more times into the heat of Jensen’s ass.

Finally Jared collapsed forward, still buried deep in his husband he mouthed his way across Jensen’s chest.

“God.” Jensen panted softly and loosely draped his arms over Jared’s back, fingers dancing along his spine. The weight of Jared on his was familiar and warm, overheated really but Jensen just smiled, eyes staying closed as he savored the touch. “Love you.”

Humming softly Jared shifted his hips back and groaned as he slid free of his lover. “Always,” he mumbled. Falling to the side he gathered Jensen up in his arms and sucked gentle kisses along his jaw.

“Mm.” Jensen hummed softly and snuggled closer up to Jared, a sleepy smile on his face. “So what do you say, no leavin’ bed for the next few days?” He chuckled quietly and let his hand settle on Jared’s chest.

“I think that’s a very good idea.” Jared’s fingers brushed along Jensen’s scars and he smiled. “A _very_ good idea.”

“Perfect.” Jensen whispered, finally starting to believe that it really could be. Even now as Jared touched his scars there was only pleasure and warmth. So really, everything else had to be perfect. “Lots of sex.” He grinned and dipped forward to nuzzle along Jared’s skin.

Laughing softly, Jared breathed in their mingled scent. “Mmm if you say so.”

“I do.” Jensen joined in the laugh until he could catch Jared’s lips against his own. _Perfect_.


End file.
